Depression

MrHappy

Hi All,

A very good mate of mine, is sort of depressed. His father died about 1.5 years ago, his family are grand, but wouldn't be the best at supporting each other. His older brother is a complete ass*ole which doesnt help matters.

It is/has effected every part of his life now, work / going out / relationships. Example: He was seeing a Girl for about 4 months, now she just blew him out... which hasnt helped matters. (I think she saw problrms and ran). He doesnt seem to be coming out of it at all.

Over the last 4 months he even stopped going out, and just sits in his room and plays playstation, and is just (if one were to look from the outside) a grumpy old bo**ox!

I have told him to start to try get out and maybe join a gym, or go back to the sports he used to play. (As sports release endorphans or so I've read) it's supposed to be good and give that feel good feeling!

Anybody any ideas of what to do to help him. I mentioned last night to maybe go and mention it to a doctor. He phoned me last night and was nearly in tears over nothing..... This guy up til a while ago, was always in great form.

Any Ideas?

Beruthiel

Originally posted by MrHappy
A very good mate of mine, is sort of depressed. Any Ideas?

can I ask what age he is? Perhaps it would be worth him seeing a bereavement councillor if he's over 16?
it could be that he had some issues he never sorted out with his dad and now it will never happen, that in itself is enough to have a person down for quite some time. See if you can find a councillor near where you live and try suggesting he go for a chat
a

MrHappy

Hi Beruthiel,

That just might be a good idea.... As he's 32 I dont want him to feel like Im sort of saying in anything to put him down or treating him as a kid (if you know what I mean). That's why I mentioned to say it to his local doctor! Having said that maybe it's worth saying in a roundabout way, and getting him to think about it!

Thing is, his father is dead about 1.5 years, and he's only really been like this for the past 4 to 5 months or there abouts! I Wouldnt have thought it would take a year for a depression to sort of sink in, but Im no doctor!

Ill have a look for a local councellor and see where it goes from there.

Cheers!

Beruthiel

Originally posted by MrHappy
That just might be a good idea.... As he's 32 I dont want him to feel like Im sort of saying in anything to put him down or treating him as a kid (if you know what I mean)

I do, probably the best thing to do is get the number of the councillor then and just give it to him, say you are concerned for him and think it could help

Thing is, his father is dead about 1.5 years, and he's only really been like this for the past 4 to 5 months or there abouts! I Wouldnt have thought it would take a year for a depression to sort of sink in, but Im no doctor!

it all depends tbh, sometimes it can take time for these things to sink in and then perhaps he has started to wallow in it, you don't know what's going around in his head at this stage
good luck
a

If he's 32, and just sits in his room playing his playstation all the time, then it's time to just say to him that he has to get outside and do stuff. You should also just have the balls to say to him that he needs professional help. So what if you *offend* him...would you rather him getting totally fed up and killing himself or something?

star gazer

Tread carefully, one of the important steps in depression can be the decision to go and do something about it for himself. Maybe for the initial consultation with a doctor/counsellor it does help when a friend gives him a helping hand though. laying play ststion is an effective form of escapism and maybe there is something that he is afraid to face, in that case beruthiel's suggestion to seek out a counsellor is on the ball. Be there for him if he wants support in seeking help. It's a good idea to inform yourself about depression and one important thing is not to tell him pull his socks up and snap out of it. That can work in the short-run with depression but becomes ultimately self-defeating. Sometimes it takes baby-steps to get back into things. Maybe going bowling or something first before facing the pub and all the friends.

MrHappy

Originally posted by utility_
If he's 32, and just sits in his room playing his playstation all the time, then it's time to just say to him that he has to get outside and do stuff. You should also just have the balls to say to him that he needs professional help. So what if you *offend* him...would you rather him getting totally fed up and killing himself or something?

I know what your saying.... And as I mentioned

"I have told him to start to try get out and maybe join a gym, or go back to the sports he used to play. "

But I dont think he really sees the point.... being a bit depressed, and I cant exactly drag him out of his room. If he was my Brother I would, but he's a mate!

I also mentioned to him about talking to his local doctor, but at the same time like above I cant tell him or drag him along. That's a decision he's got to make, and Ill give him a hand no problem if he want/needs it.

Like what Beruthiel mentioned, I have already got a number of a Councellor and will give him the number and say to go for a chat, try it once and if he thinks it crap well fair enough.... but it's worth a try!

If I did offend him theyre'd probably be less chance of him going at all!

An example of what I mean is that he was just on the phone to me 10 mins ago, and said he's thinking of Jacking the job! I said dont, just for the next few weeks put the head down and get through it. And if he feels the same way, then make a decision. And he does need help...fast! Before he does do something stupid!

hedgetrimmer

Depression is often misunderstood as grumpy or sad. I know for me (and I am a genuine sufferer, as distinct from people who occasionally get sad), Depression is best defined as the absence of emotion. You cannot relate to anything emotionally - not yourself, not anything happeneing, not those around you.

The discussion on this could and has filled volumes, but I will try to put in into the context of your difficulties, Mr. Happy.

Your friend ios most likely unable to relate to you in any way. If you are there talking to him, he is aware of you, but has absolutely no emotional connection with you, is not gonig to react to what you say, and persistance will be met with a negative reply. It's not that he is angry, it is simply that he cannot understand (as in relate to) you at all. Imagine that for a moment.

Suggesting he needs help, therefore, will probably do no good. Be there for him. Just be there... what helps me is my mates reminding me of stupid things - playing Nintendo, old stories - even if/when I don't react, it is likely that something that is said, unexpectedly, will produce a smile, or draw me back from the non-emotional state. But do it as you would in general conversation.

Be prepared to get no reaction. But if you just be there, and act and talk as normal, something you say should bring him around.

I hope that helps

MrHappy

Hi hedgetrimmer,

I was talking to him last night, and got the feeling that no matter what I said, it wouldnt make a difference. (Something like what you've said). So I just left him to it.

As he said last night, "He doesn't care, and from now on he doesnt care what others think or say". And that's going to be his attitude from now on... these are his own words. It's very hard when you invite the guy out and if he comes sits in the corner and makes people feel uncomfortable, and they just want to get away from him. One of the lads called into him 2 nights ago, and he sat there looking at them, when he tried to make conversation, he got monosyllabic responses (yea/no/whatever), and they left! I was talking to the guy that called in and he just sees him as a moody ****e.... I dont see that there's much that I can do, but what you've mentioned.

I txt'ed him the number of the Councellor that's local enough to him, but to be quite honest after speaking to him, I'd be surprised if he didn't delete it.

Thanks for the advise anyway!