The Closet

Mr Pinchy

Before I begin my thread, I am a straight dude and just want to get the views from the other side of the fence :-)

A while ago, I went away on a weekend with some friends, a mixed group, four girls and four fellers. Known them all for years. We usually rent a self catering cottage for drunken privacy/noise etc.

It might have been the alcohol or the right time or a mixture of both but one of the guys decided to come out of his closet. It was late in the evening and plenty of fire water had been drunk. There was a stunned silence, one chick started to cry but generally the mood was positive and encouraging. I myself was not surprised, although he was not feminine/camp, he never had a girlfriend nor spoke of women.

One dude, being what you would call a mans man, macho etc, refused to get out of his bed to speak to the guy, he was asleep during the initial announcement.

However, he was very happy and felt a weight was off his chest, he could be honest again, guess he felt he was lying to us. However, from the straight perspective, after years of friendship, it was like you didnt really know the guy at all, like he had a secret life. I had to get to know him again.

The next morning at the breakfast table, all was quiet. Talk was about the usual crap. Call it the "sinking in" process.

Some months on, no change, all is as it was before the revelation, just that we are now aware. Can even make jokes about it without offence.

I am a curious cat and just want to hear how it happened with other folk on this forum because he told me of other friends not being accepted, parents dissappointed etc.

swiss

Most, if not all gay men are happy to tell their "coming out" stories. You can probably find most of them in this very old thread. I'm sure mine is in there somewhere.

For most guys, coming out is a big deal. It's something they've been keeping hidden about themselves for god knows how long, and when they do finally tell someone, they usually tell a lot of people. It can be a very liberating, yet frightening experience, depending on the individual. In this particular instance, this guy got drunk before telling ye. Again, this is not an uncommon experience. It can be regretful if the person is not ready to come out, but in general getting over the whole ordeal of telling people is worth the less than onorous circumstances surrounding that "coming out" experience.

The main difficulty people have in coming out is facing the potentially negative reactions of some people, not just amongst your friends, but among the complete strangers or enemies that happen to know that you're gay. Two of the worst reactions are generally

1) Anger, bitterness or disgust.
2) Shocked silence.

Parents are an altogether different kettle of fish, for so many reasons. For a start, they are the ones who supposedly know most about you, and are probably going to be the most shocked if you tell them that you're gay. Secondly, if they react negatively, you risk severing your entire family connections. Some people feel so daunted by this that they don't take this risk, and never tell their parents. For friends this is also a risk, but in order of magnitude, if a friend is not willing to accept your sexuality, you can find other friends that will.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it took a lot of bottle for your friend to be open about himself, even if he did say it while drunk.

yellum

Theres also this thread here.