Blonde Driving / Never fall alsleep in Church

Spawn · 13-12-2003 12:15am #1

Blonde Driving

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.

The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"

The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

Never Fall Asleep In Church

One day Mr. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at
his church. "Reverend," he said, "I have a problem. My wife
keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this pin with
you. I'll be able to tell when she's sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give her
a good poke in the leg with the pin."

In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off.
Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "...And who
made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mr.
Jones.

"Jesus!" cried Mrs. Jones as her husband jabbed her in the
leg with the pin.

"Yes, you are right, Mrs. Jones," said the minister.

Soon, Mrs. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister
noticed her dozing. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the
congregation, motioning towards Mr. Jones.

"God!" cried out Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the
pin once again. "Right again, Mrs. Jones," said the minister,
smiling and continuing his sermon.

Before long, Mrs. Jones dozed off again. However, this time
the minister didn't notice. As he picked up the tempo of his
sermon, he made a few motions that Mr. Jones mistook as
signals to wake his wife again.

He was just sticking his wife with the pin again when the
minister asked, "...And what did Eve say to Adam after she
bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones shrieked, "You stick that damned thing in me one
more time and I'll break it off and shove it up your ass!

kmart6 · 13-12-2003 12:23am

Hee Hee both very good:D

Éomer of Rohan · 13-12-2003 1:33am

LMFAO - very good indeed - I will tell that one to everyone when I get into work tomorrow and they might actually think I have a sense of humour outside of intense sarcasm

Töpher · 13-12-2003 1:37am

Me likey!

neoB · 13-12-2003 3:01am

He was just sticking his wife with the pin again when the
minister asked, "...And what did Eve say to Adam after she
bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones shrieked, "You stick that damned thing in me one
more time and I'll break it off and shove it up your ass!

ROTF LMAO LOL HAHAH EHHEEH OMG good stuff!