Paddy Irishman jokes?

Fuhrio

Anyone got any good Paddy Irishman.....jokes. They were always my fave and can be hilarious. Heres one...


Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman, and Paddy Scotsman

One day, Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman, and Paddy Scotsman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness.
Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints and got stuck in the thick head.

Paddy Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

Paddy Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling: "AH YOU LITTLE THIEF! SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!"

bbop

i like i like alot

Capt'n Midnight

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/search.php?s=&action=showresults&searchid=262009&sortby=lastpost&sortorder=descending

kmart6

rofl,very good:D

Paddy20

Many years ago. 'Paddy Jokes', were declared as racist and illegal in England. IMHO the same rule should be applied to this useless claptrap on Boards.ie ?..

P.:ninja:

the raven

being a noob sucks. what's IMHO mean?

Paddy20

IMHO = In my humble opinion.

Raphael

really? i thought it was honest opinion

and dont worry we were all n00bs once

Paddy20

Jaffer,

You are probably correct, as I have never looked up imho's real meaning !:dunno:

P.:ninja:

Raphael

Hoo-ya, the n00b wins!

Its probly one of those ones that can stand for multiples like...... damn, nothing comes to mind

The_Goose

ha ha ha good stuff

muffen

Many years ago. 'Paddy Jokes', were declared as racist and illegal in England. IMHO the same rule should be applied to this useless claptrap on Boards.ie ?

C'mon dude... What's racist about that joke?

IMHO (which stand for In My Humble Opinion), it's a joke... if you don't like it, don't read it (the subject should have given you a good idea of what you were about to read).

It annoys me when people try to make everything related to racism and therefore ban it. That's almost as bad as racism itself!

Here's another one (that I heard in England two months ago):

Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street. Murphy falls in hole and hurts himself. He tells paddy: "Call me an ambulance".
Paddy starts jumping up and down clapping his hands yelling: "Murphy's an ambulance, Murphy's an ambulance".

quank

heehee
both good jokes! (Y)

captain, do you have to ruin all jokes:(

i always thought IMHO stood for "In My Honest Opinion"

oh, and btw, i was nver a n00b
i was born a nerd:ninja:

---

btw, when the hell did :dunno: arrive? :dunno: :rolleyes:

the raven

damn muffen, you ain't readin the little johnny jokes!!!

Paddy20

muffen,

As a Paddy I am telling you that these type of jokes caused so much offence in England that all 'Paddy the Irishman' jokes were declared illegal, and banned.

A decision I agreed with, and still do, although I regretted the fact that it ruined the comedian 'Jim Davidsons', career.

As it is illegal in the UK. It is probably also illegal here as well. As Irish governments tend to follow the 'Brits' ?..

P.:ninja:

Raphael

According to Schott's Original Miscellany, IMHO means In My Humble Opinion

Capt'n Midnight

Originally posted by quank
captain, do you have to ruin all jokes:(

The link was to more of that ilk...

Spawn

Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly so the morgue needed Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scotsman were in a desert and their car broke down. They decided to walk to the nearest town. It was really warm so Paddy English man said he would take the radiator water, Paddy Scotsman said that he would have the windscreen washer water and Paddy Irishman said he that he would take the door because if he got hot he could roll down the window.

---

Paddy was taking a walk in the country. In a field he noticed something that intrigued him. Why doesn't this cow have any horns? He asked the local farmer. Well sir, cattle can do damage with their horns so we usually keep them trimmed down with a hacksaw. You can also treat young calves so their horns never grow. And some breeds don't have any horns at all. But this cow doesn't have any horns because it is a horse!

---

Paddy is appearing on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire'. Chris Tarrant:

"Paddy, you've done very well so far - £64,000 and 1 life left - phone a friend, the next question will give you £125,000 if you get it right but if you get it wrong you will be out of the game and drop to £32,000 - are you ready?"

Paddy : "For sure Chris I am"

Chris : " On the screen is a photo of a current Manchester United player as a baby - which Manchester United player is it - now think about this carefully Paddy its worth £125,000 only 3 questions away from the million"

Paddy : " I think I know who it is ........er....but I'm not 100% sure, no I'm sure its Beckham , I'm sure its Beckham (pause) can I phone a friend

Chris just to be sure ?"

Chris: "Yes Paddy who do you want to phone ?"
Paddy : "I'll phone Murphy".......... (ringing)

Murphy : "Hello"

Chris : "Hello Murphy its Chris Tarrant here from who wants to be a millionaire - I have Paddy O'Reilly here and he is doing really well on £64,000 but needs your help to get to £125,000 - Murphy are you next to the fax machine as this is a visual question I'm faxing you a photo now have you received it ?"

Murphy : "Yes"

Chris: " The next voice you hear will be Paddys - he'll explain the question and you have 30 seconds to answer - fire away Paddy" Paddy : " Murphy that photo is a baby photo of what current Man Utd player - I'm sure its Beckham what do you think ?" Murphy : "Its never Beckham its obviously Smicheal" Paddy : "You think ?"

Murphy : "I'm sure "

Paddy : " Thanks Murphy "(hangs up)

Chris : "Well a difference of opinion - do you want to stick on £64,000 or play on for £125,000 Paddy"

Paddy : "I want to play, I am so sure its Beckham I am going to go with me first answer - Beckham"

Chris : "Is that your final answer"
Paddy : "It is"

Chris : "Are you confident"

Paddy : "Yes fairly"

Chris : "Paddy .....you had £64,000 and you said Beckham - if its right you win £125,000 if its wrong you go away with £32,000 -

......... (drum roll) It was wrong - sorry Paddy. Here is your cheque for ?32,000 you have been a great contestant and a real gambler - audience please put your hands together for Paddy"

............ clapping

Paddy : "Before I go Chris - what was the correct answer its killing me"

Chris : "Andy Cole"

---

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in their pints, one in each.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT YOU THIEVING B*****D!!!"

---

Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman were on top of the Eiffel tower and they decided to see if they dropped something off the top and then get down to the bottom to catch it before it hit the ground.

Paddy Englishman dropped a coin and ran down the stairs as fast as he could but the coin hit the ground well before he got near the bottom.

Paddy Scotsman dropped a piece of paper and ran down. But the piece of paper hit the ground just before he got to it.

Paddy Irishman dropped his watch and casually got in the lift and slowly made his way to the bottom. He got out of the lift and walked over and put out his hand. About 5 minutes later the watch landed in his hand.

The other two Paddys came over and asked him how the hell he did that to which he replied: "My watch is slow!"

---

Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and Paddy Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

Paddy Englishman opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Ham and English mustard again! If I get ham and mustard one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

Paddy Scotsman opened his lunch and said, "Haggis again. If I get a haggis sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."

Next day Paddy Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.

Paddy Englishman opens his lunch, sees ham and English mustard and jumps too.

Paddy Scotsman opens his lunch, sees the haggis and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral Paddy Englishman’s wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of ham and mustard I never would have given it to him again!

Paddy Scotsman’s wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him cheese! I didn't realise he hated haggis so much."

Everyone turned and stared at Paddy Irishman’s wife. "Hey, don't look at me" she said. "He makes his own lunch"

Funky

Originally posted by Paddy20
Many years ago. 'Paddy Jokes', were declared as racist and illegal in England. IMHO the same rule should be applied to this useless claptrap on Boards.ie ?

Now that, people, is a funny joke!

BioHazRd

Originally posted by Paddy20
muffen,

As a Paddy I am telling you that these type of jokes caused so much offence in England that all 'Paddy the Irishman' jokes were declared illegal, and banned.

A decision I agreed with, and still do, although I regretted the fact that it ruined the comedian 'Jim Davidsons', career.

As it is illegal in the UK. It is probably also illegal here as well. As Irish governments tend to follow the 'Brits' ?..

P.:ninja:

can you please give me links to the relevant information regarding the illegality of these jokes, as I have been unable to find any.
And btw, if you take offence at a "paddy irishman" joke, you need to lighten up a little. I can say this as I am an Irishman, and I have laughed at these jokes in the past, and will probably continue to laugh at them in the future. However, if they are, as you say, illegal, I will ban them all from here.

Bio

James R

I'll take it as In My Honest Opinion! Who the hell says Humble?!

Paddy20

BioHazRd,

Thanks for taking this issue seriously. Believe me, I enjoy a joke as much as anyone, but having witnessed at first hand the upsurge in anti-Irish jokes in general in the UK throughout the 60's/70's and the subsequent introduction of the 'Race Relations Act 1976' which was introduced under the Public Order Act 1936. I fully supported the legislation which certainly brought about an immediate positive social change for the better against the type of 'very distasteful' Racist material, which was being broadcast and printed every day, as jokes, against the Irish, and other ethnic minorities.

This is where I wish I was a qualified Solicitor or Barrister, but if it is of any help I will be starting my search for the appropriate links using the following websites:-

1; www.homeoffice.gov.uk/docs/part9.html
Re, Race Relations Act 1976 [The Public Order Act 1936]

2; www.bailii.org/
A legal information database covering both the UK & Ireland.

I would love to hear or read the views of any legal eagles/ or Journalists who may be able to highlight some more detailed examples of legal cases, where Irish citizens based in the UK won cases against employers, work colleagues, broadcasting networks and print media on the grounds that 'Paddy the Irishman' jokes were Racist and liable to cause a breach of the Peace, under The Public Order Act 1936.

Watch this space.

Thanks.

Paddy20.

simu

However, it's a totally different thing if the person telling the joke is Irish and in Ireland - it would be silly to ban them in this country!

Capt'n Midnight

Am reminded of the Southpark one where they are some white guys lynching a black guy - the solution have a black guy in the lynch mob.

Freedom of speach as long as it's not incitement.

BTW:
How do Austrialians recognise if the airliner just landed comes from England ?
Even after the engines have stopped you can still hear the whining..

muffen

Believe me, I enjoy a joke as much as anyone, but having witnessed at first hand the upsurge in anti-Irish jokes in general in the UK throughout the 60's/70's and the subsequent introduction of the 'Race Relations Act 1976' which was introduced under the Public Order Act 1936.

1, I haven't been able to find any proof that they are illegal even in the UK. If I can't find it after searching the web for a while, how are people in the UK to know of this? Seems like they are doing well hiding the fact that these jokes are illegal.
I did find several webpages in the UK with paddy jokes though.

2, They appear to be illegal only in the UK (if paddy20 is right that is), so why are we even discussing this here in Ireland?

So, Paddy20, can you prove that these jokes are infact illegal? I can tell you that right now I think you're just full of crap, cause I cannot find proof anywhere.

BTW, did anyone actually find the jokes offensive??

muffen

Who the hell says Humble?!

Anyone using IMHO

simu

Anybody growing up in Ireland will have heard these jokes all their lives - they're a part of playground culture and are not offensive to anyone.

I can see how they might be used in an intimidating way against the Irish in England but that's completely irrelevant on this board unless you think members of the National Front have infiltrated boards and are having laughs at the expense of the Irish in an ultra-subtle way!

Context is everything - let's not go the way of the PC movement in America where kids' books and so on fall out of favour for the most obscure reasons.

Practical

Paddy20,

Unless you think Irish people are lower class citizens prepared to the rest of the world, I would see your reasons for taking offense to Paddy Irishman jokes but I think we all know that the English are probably the most hated race in the world so why should you take it so serious?
Thats just pathetic if you ask me :dunno:

Kold

I was a baby once... and I can laugh at dead baby jokes

the raven

why can't we all just... get along??


ok, instead of paddy the irishman why not have paddy the americanman as the fall guy?? and he could double as a superhero at night time too...

Big Ears

paddy 20 come on when irish people are saying paddy irishman jokes its not racist. im more pssied of at u saying we follow the way of the british in making laws that at paddy irishman jokes.