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Jokes - some are even funny.

Capt'n Midnight · 2003-12-19 00:13:29

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure. One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what? I got a set of golf clubs for…

19-12-2003 1:13am

#1

Capt'n Midnight

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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what? I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!"
The other replies: "GREAT trade!"

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months-I don't like to interrupt her.

Women are so unreasonable! My wife gets mad because every Saturday night I take a bath with bubbles in it. I mean, if Bubbles doesn't mind, why should she?

Most accidents happen at home. And the men have to eat them!

Some mornings I wake up grouchy...and some mornings I just let her sleep!

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake!

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50? Your Honor.

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.

Have you heard about the lawyers word processor? No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of elephants ? The lawyer charges more.

What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.

How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb? Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big when he died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body? They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? About three pounds, including the urn.

The headmistress at a girls' prep school in the old South (circa 1959) calls down to the army base and speaks with one of the officers: "We're having a social here at school and I was wondering if you could send some of your nice young men to attend." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. "Just one thing," says the lady. "Of course you'll make sure there aren't any Jews there." "Why of course," the Lieutenant answers. On the day of the dance, a bus pulls up from the base. Out comes a platoon of black GIs. The schoolmistress is quite distressed. "Why, why, there must be some mistake," she says to a burly black Master Sergeant. "Why heck no, ma'am," he replies. "Lt. Goldberg NEVER makes a mistake!"

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#2 19-12-2003 1:29am

Töpher

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Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big when he died that they couldn't find a coffin big enough to hold the body? They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

LMAO

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#3 19-12-2003 1:43am

kmart6

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rofl,all class:D

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#4 19-12-2003 9:56am

hedgetrimmer

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.

Brilliant:D

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#5 19-12-2003 10:02am

gobby

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Most accidents happen at home. And the men have to eat them!

hehe....

they r all great... fair play capt'n

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#6 19-12-2003 11:13am

Lucutus

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Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight
Women are so unreasonable! My wife gets mad because every Saturday night I take a bath with bubbles in it. I mean, if Bubbles doesn't mind, why should she?

You share baths with bubbles?!?! OMG.

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#7 19-12-2003 11:21am

Walter Ego

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Lt. Golderg scores a 5 on the laughometer

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#8 19-12-2003 11:43am

L4

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Don't like any of them. Heard them all years ago.

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#9 19-12-2003 11:50am

Capt'n Midnight

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Originally posted by Lucutus
You share baths with bubbles?!?! OMG.

It's a Michael Jackson joke ?

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#10 19-12-2003 12:11pm

malico

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Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

Ain;t THAT the truth!!

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#11 19-12-2003 12:22pm

L4

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Originally posted by malico
Ain;t THAT the truth!!

Goodness gracious me. Are you married or American?
My guess is definetly not and just a wannabe.

Now that's just my guess, others may disagree, but deep
down they know what I'm talking about.....

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#12 19-12-2003 1:46pm

Mossy Monk

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brilliant

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#13 19-12-2003 1:53pm

Commissar

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They're excellent

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#14 19-12-2003 2:09pm

Capt'n Midnight

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Originally posted by L4
Goodness gracious me. Are you married or American?
My guess is definetly not and just a wannabe.

Now that's just my guess, others may disagree, but deep
down they know what I'm talking about.....

The difference being Jack Dee knows how to use HIS material...

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#15 19-12-2003 4:34pm

The_Goose

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Originally posted by Silent Death
Lt. Golderg scores a 5 on the laughometer

who is lt. goldberg???

oh great jokes

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#16 19-12-2003 7:47pm

quank

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LOL brilliant

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#17 20-12-2003 1:07am

simu

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Yawn. Dosen't like his wife? Should have thought of that before getting married.

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#18 22-12-2003 7:57pm

Walter Ego

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What do you call a man with a 1" willy?

Justin

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#19 22-12-2003 9:17pm

Big Ears

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Originally posted by L4
Don't like any of them. Heard them all years ago.

this is the same L4 that made up and posted these really crappy jokes.
and when people didnt like them said they didnt have a sense of humour.(well we know who really dosent have a sense of humour ) http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=131228

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#20 23-12-2003 6:51pm

Victor

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Originally posted by Manticore
who is lt. goldberg???

The Jewish lieutenant in the army joke.

Originally posted by hedgetrimmer
What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.

It took a moment to realise he wasn't ducking his clients

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