irish quotes

waffles · 05-01-2004 11:02am #1

Subject: irish quotes
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> A man has been found dead stuffed into a briefcase floating on the
Grand
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> canal-Gardai are treating it as suspicious!!! RTE Radio 1 News July
2001
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> "When I said they'd scored two goals, of course I meant they'd
scored
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> one." RTE Commentator George Hamilton
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> "The referendum went as most people hoped it would." Irish Times
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> editorial displaying acute understanding of the Democratic Process.
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> "Clap your feet!" Bernie of the Nolan Sisters.
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> "He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his captain
off!"
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> George Hamilton as Butregueno comes off against Ireland.
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> "The idea is well and good in theory, but tell me this, who is
going to
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> feed them?" Wicklow Councillor objects to a proposal to boost
tourism by
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> putting gondolas on Blessington Lake.
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> We are not prepared to stand idly by and be murdered in our beds."
Rev.
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> Ian Paisley
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> What we are doing is in the interest of everybody, bar possibly the
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> consumer." Aer Lingus spokesman.
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> "Deep down I'm a very shallow person." Charles Haughey.
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> "I'm always suspicious of games where you're the only ones that
play
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> it." Jack Charlton on hurling.
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> "Outside HIV in Grafton Street." Gay Byrne plugging Hothouse
Flowers
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> appearance. [HMV is a music shop in Dublin]
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> CONCERNED R@PIST WORE A CONDOM Evening Herald
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> SHARING THE BURDEN OF SCHIZOPHRENIA Irish Times
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> DEAD MAN INJURED IN CRASH Irish Times.
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> "A top level Garda internal inquiry is being held in Connemara into
an
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> allegation that a local garda shot a cow .... There has been no
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> statement from the cow." The Irish Press.
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> "I think the Irish woman was freed from slavery by bingo. They can
go
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> out now, dressed up, with their handbags and have a drink and play
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> bingo. And they deserve it." John B. Keane.
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> "I was called out to a non-existant phone call. When I returned I
lifted
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> my glass, smelled and said 'My God, this is foul, it smells like
piss'.
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> A voice from the back called 'But whose?'." Wine connoisseur T. P.
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> Whelehan at a tasting in Trinity College.
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> "Ludicrous. Ridiculous." 1989 edition of Collins Concise Dictionary
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> defines the word 'Irish'.
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> "Get married again." Charles Haughey to women asking for an
increase in
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> the widows' pension.
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> "I can hold a note and I know I'm not ugly so, in ways, that's
enough."
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> Keith Duffy of Boyzone.
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> "Bosco is a Boll*x! Bosco is a Boll*x!" What Zig and Zag were
caught
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> shouting (with Ian Dempsey laughing in the background) when the
cameras
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> returned prematurely from a commercial break during 'Dempsey's
Den'.
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> Zag was tossing the Bosco puppet around.
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> Ian Dempsey [radio presenter] : "What would you give Andrew and
Sarah as
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> a wedding present?"
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> Caller: "I'd love to give Fergie AIDS and put a bomb up Andy's
hole'"
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> Larry Gogan [radio presenter]: "With what town in Britain is
Shakespeare
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> associated?" Contestant: "Hamlet."
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> Larry Gogan: "Name the BBC's Grand Prix commentator? I'll give you
a
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> hint. It's something you suck...." Contestant: "Oh, Dickie Davies."
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> (Murray Walker is the correct answer)
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> Larry Gogan: "What was Jeeves' occupation?" Contestant: "He was a
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> carpenter."
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> Larry Gogan: "Complete this well known phrase. 'As happy as.....'
hint
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> think of me."Contestant: "A pig in sh*te."
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> Larry Gogan: (after a caller got none of 18 questions right on the
Just
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> a Minute quiz) - "Ah sure the questions didn't really suit you did
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> they?" Caller: "Ah go fu*k off Larry you're only an old boll*x."
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> Gerry Ryan [radio presenter]: (during a discussion on whether
people
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> would like to be buried or cremated when they die) - "Would you
like to
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> be buried or cremated?"
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> Caller: "Oh, buried Gerry."
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> Gerry Ryan: "And where would you like to be buried?" Caller: "Up to
me
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> balls in Bibi Baskin!"
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> Larry Gogan: "And who would you like to play the request for?"
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> Caller: "Meself"
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> Larry Gogan: "Any particular reason?"
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> Caller: "I got me first job yesterday"
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> Larry Gogan: "Oh, that's nice, what was the job?"
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> Caller: "A blowj*b!"

Töpher · 05-01-2004 11:18am

Old, but oh so good!

rymus · 05-01-2004 1:38pm

Originally posted by waffles
Gerry Ryan [radio presenter]: (during a discussion on whether people would like to be buried or cremated when they die)
"Would you like to be buried or cremated?"

Caller: "Oh, buried Gerry."
Gerry Ryan: "And where would you like to be buried?"
Caller: "Up to me balls in Bibi Baskin!"

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