15 Things that it took me years to learn...

daveg

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life. (amen!)

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Sarky

Originally posted by daveg
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

And The Ark ended up on top of a frickin' mountain. Moral: God can get it dead wrong too.

skittishkitten

Originally posted by Sarky
And The Ark ended up on top of a frickin' mountain. Moral: God can get it dead wrong too.

The Ark settled on "dry" land ......... the Titanic settled on the bottom of the ocean ........ personally I'd of rather been on the Ark as opposed to the Titanic

Kazu

some good ones lol:p

MrNuked

what if the waiter's an asshole who ogles your gf?
eh?

Vader

Originally posted by MrNuked
what if the waiter's an asshole who ogles your gf?
eh?

Good point good point

SpankyFart

Originally posted by Sarky
And The Ark ended up on top of a frickin' mountain. Moral: God can get it dead wrong too.

God didn't make the Ark

Vader

Originally posted by SpankyFart
God didn't make the Ark

But he hired Noah as his carpenter :rolleyes:

UnrealQueen

Originally posted by daveg
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.


FINAL Thought for the day: Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

These are the best:D

Töpher

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

Funny cuz it's true, tbh!

kmart6

Ah sao true so very true