Ulster 33 Leicester 0

Hairy Homer

'Hello, Good Evening and welcome to Ravenhill where Ulster have just inflicted on Leicester the heaviest defeat the two-times champions have suffered in Heineken Cup history. A 33-0 thrashing, and I'm here with Leicester skipper Martin Johnson.'

(Grunt) 'Evenin' (mutter, scowl)

'So Martin. You've never taken a thumping like that in Europe before. And after Munster's victory at Welford Road last year, do you think Leicester have now fallen below the general standard of the Irish sides?'

'Well obviously we knew it was going to be difficult. Ulster are a reasonable side, by Irish standards, and their crowd is very passionate and of course the conditions were very difficult what with the wind and as well as that the referee didn't make it easy for us, penalising Backie for obstruction at the back of a rolling maul, the cheek of him, and....'

"Well to be fair Martin you had a few injury problems today.'

'That's right obviously, we're in a rebuilding stage trying to integrate young guys like Backie, Healy, Rowntree and Van Der Westhuizen into the side so we've got to be positive about this, put it behind us and look to the future.....'

'I meant the man you were really missing was Geordan Murphy who is clearly your most talented strike runner, despite the fact that he's never played for England. Probably because he's Irish?'

'Your point being.'

'Yes. Moving swiftly on. Do you think that this defeat could hasten the demise of clearly the greatest forward ever to wear the Leicester colours?'

'Well there's been a lot of speculation about my international future but I've always said I'll take that decision in my own good time at my choosing and with no pressure from any scumbag in the gutter press whose behaviour is quite frankly....

'Not you, you muppet. I'm talking about Dean Richards. Didn't do him any favours today did you?'

'Look mate. Deano and I are staying put. We're standing where we are and we're not ****ing moving for anyone, got that?'

'Well to be fair, Martin, your team had to stand where it was bloody well told, ie behind the goal line, four times today. How do you feel about that?

Nnngghl Leggo my neck. Stop shaking me. Stop shaking me. Stop..'

'Dad. Wake up. I'll be late for school. Breakfast's ready.'



Now that's what I call a wet dream. Go the Jaffas. Fair play to ye!!!!!!!!

GreenHell

Only saw the highlights, great tries. Looks like Ulster have found there form and going to make a big impression on Europe this year, great win especially after losing to Leinster with only 24 hours prep for that game.

Trojan

Excellent interview HH