RESUME George W. Bush

magick

RESUME George W. Bush

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE
LAW ENFORCEMENT:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine in 1976 for driving under the
influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's
license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost"
and is not available.
MILITARY:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a
drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the
Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.
COLLEGE:
I graduated from Andover and Yale University at the bottom of my class.
I was a cheerleader at Yale. PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: I ran for U.S.
Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland,
Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in
Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I
bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took
land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our right-wing
friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Kenneth Lay), I was
elected Governor of Texas. ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR: I changed Texas
pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most
polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los
Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America. I cut taxes and
bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American
history. With the help of my brother, the Governor of Florida, and my
father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after
losing by over 500,000 votes. ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: I invaded
and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion
dollars per week. I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted
the U.S. Treasury. I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit
in U.S. history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies
filed in any 12-month period. I set the all-time record for the biggest
drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. I am the first president
in U.S. history to enter office with a Criminal record. I set the
all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year period. After
taking-off the entire month of August. I presided over the worst
security failure in U.S. history. I am supporting development of a
nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. In my State Of The Union
Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq, then blamed the
lies on our British friends. I set the record for most campaign
fund-raising trips by a U.S. president. In my first year in office over
2-million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every
month. I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month
period. I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than
any president in U.S. history. I set the record for least amount of
press conferences than any president since the
advent of television. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S.
history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil
industry was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in
U.S. history. I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and
support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families
-- in war time. I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide
to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million
people) shattering the record for protest against any person in the
history of mankind. I've broken more international treaties than any
president in U.S. history. I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are
the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest
millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I am the first president in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I
did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S.
citizens, and the world community. I created the Ministry of Homeland
Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States
government. I am the first president in U.S. history to have the United
Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission. I withdrew the
U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access
to U.S. prisoners of war detainees and thereby have refused to abide by
the Geneva Convention. I am the first president in history to refuse
United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election). I am
the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most
corporate campaign donations. My largest lifetime campaign contributor,
and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest
corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history. My political party used the
Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the
U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision. I have protected my
friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.
More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair
than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs
in history. I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World
Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most
hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history. I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans
(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
security. I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be
awarded government contracts. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge
to bring Osama Bin Laden and to justice. RECORDS AND
REFERENCES: All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my
father's library, sealed, and unavailable for public view. All records
of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies
are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records or
minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding
public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
review. Please consider my experience when voting in 2004. So Please Vote for me

Victor

Originally posted by magick
I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than
any president in U.S. history.

At least this is doing something for equal oppurtunities