Friend problems...

LegacyUser

Righto, I've got this friend, I'd probably him consider quite a good friend, and at the moment we're not exactly on speaking terms and it's actually kind of looking like we're just not friends anymore. I don't want to go into the specific details of it but basically there's something he's been doing for a while that has been really pissing me off. It happened again recently, I was in a pretty bad enough mood at the time and I just kind of lost it a bit. I didn't go shouting at him or anything, actually to avoid doing this I sent him an email. This might well have been the wrong way to go but anyway, it's done now. I did put a fair bit of effort into trying not to make it sound too bad.

Now it looks like he just won't talk to me and I've been given the definite impression that he'd rather never talk to me again. I've texted him a couple of times and nothing. Problem is, pretty soon we're probably not going to see each other for like half a year or more anyway.

I definately don't want to leave it like this but I'm not too sure if there's anything else I can do. If I go texting him anymore, I'll just seem desperate or something. I know I over-reacted(told him) and personally, I think the blame is 50/50 (not sure if he'd feel the same).

Obviously another problem is that guys aren't supposed to bother with emotions and the like but the clock is feckin' ticking and this will be annoying me for a long time if it isn't sorted out.

Any help?
Thanks.

Dr Pepper

The only thing I've ever known to ease tension between 2 friends is a bit of time apart. Leave it a while.. Absense makes the heart grow fonder and all that (even if it is two pletonic [spell?] friends we're talking about!)

Btw, you a guy or a girl? What is your friend doing to p|ss you off? (Kinda important to the question methinks..)

Exit

I'd disagree. I'd say leaving it as it is will just cause you both to lose touch, and grow apart.

I don't know what you should do about it however.

tinkerbell

If he's doin somethin to bother you over and over again, then he needs to be told about it. Otherwise, he's jus gettin away with it and it'll be a strain on your friendship anyway.

I reckon ring him up, and tell him to meet up with you. If he refuses, then he's jus actin like an immature child, and there prolly won't be anythin that you can do about it in that case.

Hopefully he'll come to his senses and realise he's bein really silly for ending a friendship jus coz you told him you didn't like somethin he did on a regular basis.

uberwolf

ur friendship woulda drifted if you hadn''t a said anything IMO, so it needed to be said. His prob for how he takes it, even if you took the wrong route about doing it. If he leaves without getting in touch then the prob is his and you have to put it up to experience.

But given time friends remain friends.

Walls

To be honest, sounds to me like your friend has taken a bit of a wee hissy fit on being criticised. I don't think he's really grown up enough to discuss this matter or any other and would rather drop you as a mate than deal with it. Hell, maybe you were the one in the wrong, but neither of you are going to know because there isn't going to be a discussion.

I suspect it might be better in the long run to let it pass. If a gently phrased objection causes this reaction, your friend is a bit of a swine.

Lafortezza

Get him out to the pub, the 2 of you get locked, go to a club, try to score,
perfect recipe for making small problems disappear

BuffyBot

Obviously another problem is that guys aren't supposed to bother with emotions and the like but the clock is feckin' ticking and this will be annoying me for a long time if it isn't sorted out.

Perhaps the friendship was drifting anyway? If so maybe it is a sign that things are coming to their natural end

sparkite

anyway you could send him another email and find out what he thinks.maybe he is afraid that you are still angry.if its 50/50 maybe he'll agree to try get over like you

SAXA

Just an observation

While sending an e-mail at the time my seem a good idea we do not alway convey what we mean in written form and once sent have no control over it. Its a permenent thing. Words can be spoken and forgotten but somethin written down can be read again and again

On the topic give him time and space. That's all you can do

Kell

Climb down off your horse for a start. I had the same thing with a mate that I had been best mates with for *thirteen years and all of a sudden he turns into an anti-social fúck. Lost the plot with him one night rah rah rah. So after about a week of steaming I says to myself "fúck this" and I calls him and says we needs to go for pints and a chat.

Turns out my mates anti-socialness came down to an underlying problem and it could be the case that your mate has also some issue he isnt telling you about for whatever reason. Call him, ask him out for a pint as an olive leaf. If he tells you to go fúck yourself, you're fúcked, however what can you lose? You can always pat yourself on the back if the plan fails and say "well at least I tried" and of course theres the option of the plan working and you remaining friends.

Somebodies got to make the first move and hell it may as well be you.

K-

*14 years now.

Kell

Originally posted by noname

Obviously another problem is that guys aren't supposed to bother with emotions and the like

BOLLOXOLOGY. :rolleyes:

You decide whether you want to bother with your emotions or not rather than let a stereotype do it for you.

K-

Originally posted by Kell
Climb down off your horse for a start. I had the same thing with a mate that I had been best mates with for *thirteen years and all of a sudden he turns into an anti-social fúck. Lost the plot with him one night rah rah rah. So after about a week of steaming I says to myself "fúck this" and I calls him and says we needs to go for pints and a chat.

Turns out my mates anti-socialness came down to an underlying problem and it could be the case that your mate has also some issue he isnt telling you about for whatever reason. Call him, ask him out for a pint as an olive leaf. If he tells you to go fúck yourself, you're fúcked, however what can you lose? You can always pat yourself on the back if the plan fails and say "well at least I tried" and of course theres the option of the plan working and you remaining friends.

Somebodies got to make the first move and hell it may as well be you.

K-

*14 years now.

Good post that, it needed to be said.
friendships last forever when you put effort into them and its worth it.
Take kells advice there and offer the olive branch.


And as regards guys not being supposed to bother with emotions,Kell is right there too, that is bolloxology.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say, and don't let a friendship go for the sake of not making the effort to be the "pro-active" fixer.

uberwolf

Originally posted by Kell


You decide whether you want to bother with your emotions or not rather than let a stereotype do it for you.

Amen Brother


oh and the other stuff kell said is good advice too...

LegacyUser

First off thanks everyone. Didn't think so many people would post.

As far as guys/emotions go I'm in perfect agreement, yes it is "bolloxology". The reason I said that is cos I figured that's what he'd be thinkin' so therefore wouldn't want to talk to me.

Anyway, things seem to have been patched up now. He got back to me after I contacted him. It got a bit worse first but then it got better, I even got an apology of sorts, and wasn't too long before things got more or less back to normal.

Have to say I'm quite happy and relieved that's over.

Thanks again.

BuffyBot

Glad to hear things are a bit more sorted out