Need Help

LegacyUser

Folks, I'll try to keep this short.

Basically, there a several things up at the moment, which is leading to one big problem.

I'm in a crappy course that I don't want to do anymore. I've very recently broken up with a girl who I am still in love with. I currently have no part time job to help with the finances, but I'm hoping to get one after my exams - in the mean time I'm going to be painfully skint. I don't really have many good friends round me, maybe one, another is in over Manchester.

Basically, I'm finding it very difficult to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning, I just seem to make no difference to anybody's life. Apart from family, nobody would notice if I wasn't there.

I'm nowhere near the stage of doing something stupid and selfish like ending my life, I never would. But I am getting close to reverting to self-harm again, but I know that'll just lead me down another wrong path. I've eaten scarly little food in the past week, and I'm not exactly big to begin with. I just have no appetite whatsoever.

I've been close to packing in Uni a few times in the past couple of months, but again I that's just going to do more harm than good, and at least it gets me out of the house more often than not.

Can anybody suggest something just get me up and running again? Thank you.

BuffyBot

Unfortunately there aren't any magic wands on this one.

Why are you finding the course you are in crappy? Is the problem the subject, the people, the workload? Think about exactly what is bothering you about it and then see if there is anything you can do to change that.

Your probably feeling everything more keenly because you've broken up with someone - all your emotions are amplified because of these. You a bit emotionally tender for want of a better phrase. Therefore I wouldn't do anything about college etc until you begin to work this out, whether it be by talking to her or just letting time do it's thing.

Work wise - well, after your exams start looking. Getting a job will help as it will give you some financial freedom, something to focus on and a new oppurtunity to meet people. In the mean time try and get involved in some hobbies or interests (societies in Uni might be a good idea). I doubt it's true that no one would notice you weren't around. Things might surprise you

I'm sure other folks here will have some good advice too

rs

Sounds like your in a tight spot. Winter is usually a crappy time for most people, but looks like you have it a bit worse than most.

This line caught my eye.

> I just seem to make no difference to anybody's life.

My only suggestion is try to make a difference in your own life. Who cares about anyone elses life right now. That's their problem. Be a little selfish, and spend some time doing stuff that you like to do. Hobbies, whatever.

For me, I like going to the gym. That's what I do. It's a totally selfish pursuit, but it's something I love to do. When the rest of you life is in the crapper, it always good to have something that gives you a little satisfaction. The gym does it for me, but it's not for everyone.

You just have to figure out what does it for you. and do it!

Just try to find something that makes your life better in some way. (ie, taking up crack might seem like a good idea, but it's not going to help you out that much in the long run)

Packing in Uni is something you will almost certainly regret later, but if you hate what you are doing, perhaps you should look into changing courses after exams. Most people don't end up working in exactly the field they studied and Uni these days anyway. But finishing it proves that you can rise to a challange, which is always respected.

Best of luck!

And be a little selfish, just a little. If you make your own life better, you will almost certainly make life better for those around you.

JessieG

when i read i immediatly jumped to conclucisons but im glad you have enuff sense not to do anything stupid, like ending you life.
but enflicting harm upon yourself isnt the answer either.

i agree with the above statment that yeah your emotions are extremely heightend because you've just broken up with someone. There isnt a foolproof method to make that hurn and pain dissappear. its going to take time for you to get over that but one thing is for certian you wont get over in by sitting in moping and concentrating on it all day. Force yourself to go out and part take in somethings, even if its just to make the days go faster. you'll be glad you did it in the end.

As for your course what exactly is it that you dont like about it? I know this experience myself i too HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my course with the fire of 1000 sun's unfortunatly its a four yr degree course so me being a stubborn bitch started so i have to finish it lol.
but if the course is making you miserbale maybe you should look about into transfereing into something thta makes you happy. but remember this is something that requires a lot of thought and a decision like this should not be made too hastily.
Talk to your college lectures and even your college counciller (i know i cant spell)
and if you decide that perhaps the best option is to drop out well then approach your parents about it.

Remeber this state no matter how long it has being going on is only temporary. you WILL come out of this.

As for making a difference in nobodies life, well remember that stupid after school type special type sceneario moaning on about how you can't make/be happy in friendships/relationships unless you happy with yourself. I hate to sound like Ricky lake here but its true.

Chin up but the only one who can help you out of this is you. you need to take the first step.

thegills

Lost,

I was in you shoes years ago . I was in a course in Trinity that I didn't like. It was January and I was facing 4 months hard study for exams I didn't want to do. I was living at home so money wasn't really an issue. I had no girlfriend but in general I was under pressure and slightly depressed.

I gave up my course and got a job in McDonalds. I re-applied for a course i wanted to do the following September. It sounds like bad advice but it worked for me. The pressure was off me so i could relax and enjoy the job. I was earning money, made new friends. When I started back in college (DIT Kevin St.) I was in great form, more determined to suceed in a course I liked, I had made new friends and I had a few bob in my bank account . I also kept working part-time for a few more months.

It was the best move for me. It cost me 2 years extra in college but I got my degree and have been working steadily ever since.

On the matter of your ex. not sure what to say except that the partime job and new friends should help the matter.

thegills.

LegacyUser

Originally posted by BuffyBot
Why are you finding the course you are in crappy?

I was on the degree course but had to move to a HND course due to the fact that I was on a work placement year away from Uni, and so wasn't able to repeat the year, which meant I had to move to the HND.
It's not that I don't like the subject of the course, I just can't see myself coming out with anything good at the end of it, unless I go for another 1 or 2 years which I can't afford money-wise and the thought of being a student for that lenght of time just depresses me.

rs, I'd usually play golf and snooker, but it's not something you can do by yourself - of the friends I have at the moment, none of them play any of these at all.

JessieG,
I'm aware of the fact that this will pass eventually, I'm guess I'm looking for suggestions about how I can make it that little bit easier or faster.

Thanks folks.

angelofdeath

sounds pretty much like my life at the mo, but i don't let it get me down, just say **** it and keep goin

Beruthiel

lost, be assured that everyone of us go through sh!te times, how would we know the good times if we didn’t have crap ones? You will get through this and you will be stronger because of it, it will give you a new self confidence in yourself and your outlook on life. Take one little step at a time (eg a part time job) and take it from there

as for making a difference in someone elses life, who gives a toss? The only life you have to make a difference in is your own – as someone else said here, it’s because you have recently broken up with your g/f that you are feeling so down, very understandable tbh – be nice to yourself, give yourself little treats and take it a day at a time

good luck
a

annabegins

"I'd usually play golf and snooker, but it's not something you can do by yourself"

I play snooker, gave it up for a few years, then was just like you, I had nomotivation to do anything and nobody to socialise with. SO....what did I do,.... started playing snooker on my own. Lots of people do. Every club has a coach and you're more likely to be spotted if playing on your own. I have 2 coaches fighting over me at the moment and I still play 4-5 times a week on my own. It's also a great way to meet people who can partner you for a few frames.

Keep the chin up.

JessieG

snooker and golf- i often play thes on my own, well pool not snooker, you'll surprise yourself you'll start to recognise the regulars and soon make friends who obviosuly are interested in these things.

we've all been where you are so try to find comfort in the fact that your not alone we all know how you feel.

:)anna

ps-also try some vitamins you could also be run down........ for me personally this contributedf a lot to my state of mind iron supplements and otehr such helped me to get some energy and thus i was able to get up and do some stuff to get me outta my slump.

tribble

First off - I did the Leaving Cert. twice.

Then I spent 3 years in a degree I hated* before I dropped eventually out (failed)

Now I've taken a year out** and have just today applied for a degree course I'm cartain I can't hate.***



* (well first year was ok - the other two were the worst of my life)
**(to earn moneey to pay for next year but still)
***(who can hate arts?:))

tribble