The stupidest thing you've ever heard someone say

Raz

<George Bush> The problem with the French is they don't have a word for 'Entrepreneur'.

From LOTR:TT
Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli tracking Merry and Pippins escape from the Orc, Rohirrim battle.
<Aragorn> .. and the went ...
<Legolas> .. into Fangorn forest!
<Gimli> What Madness drove them in there?

mydarkstar

My brother was in college in Ohio a few years back and had to share a house with 6 other (mostly intelligent) students. There was however one exceptionally dimwitted girl, Courtney. One of the housemates was a Mormon and invited his other friends over for prayers & singing......
Courtney walked in halfway through and freaked out, screaming to everyone "OH MY GOD, you guys, the Mormons are having a seance!"

She was also the girl who believed that all Irish people had to come to America by boat- she thought that Ireland was too small to land a plane on or you would fall off the edge of the country.....

.....hmmm, not the brightest crayon in the box.

tman

Originally posted by mydarkstar
She was also the girl who believed that all Irish people had to come to America by boat- she thought that Ireland was too small to land a plane on or you would fall off the edge of the country.....

.....hmmm, not the brightest crayon in the box.

sweet jesus!:eek:

Okie

I have heard a few stoopid things in my time and (admittedly) been responsible for a few myself, buuuut.....

A few years ago; some of you might remember; that poor bloke who was chopped up to pieces and the body parts put in a suitcase then thrown in a river. Can't remeber the exact reason behind it, but while hearing reports on the news about this, my mate was overheard saying.....


"Jesus, do you think was it suicide?"

Confused looks all round then a torrent of abuse as the rest of us tried to imagine this suitcase hopping down the road!

Might be one of those "had to be there moments" but Lord did we laugh?!

Töpher

Originally posted by Okie
I have heard a few stoopid things in my time and (admittedly) been responsible for a few myself, buuuut.....

A few years ago; some of you might remember; that poor bloke who was chopped up to pieces and the body parts put in a suitcase then thrown in a river. Can't remeber the exact reason behind it, but while hearing reports on the news about this, my mate was overheard saying.....


"Jesus, do you think was it suicide?"

Confused looks all round then a torrent of abuse as the rest of us tried to imagine this suitcase hopping down the road!

Might be one of those "had to be there moments" but Lord did we laugh?!

ROFLFMAO! Hahahahaha!

Civilian_Target

Since the find funtion didn't turn this one up:

George W: "Half of all Americans receive a below average education"

You don't say...

User45701

I teacher once said

"I have neaver been wrong, I thought i was wrong once but it was a mistake"

dictatorcat

two friends of mine overheard this the other day

skanger1 "where did ya get those shoes, they're nice?"

Skanger2 "ah in Dr. Querkies"

ska1 "wha? Dr. Querkies don't sell shoes?"

Ska2 "nah they don't, i knicked them."

Vlad Drac

One that springs to mind is my Geography teacher saying "Don't be silly *insertname* Brazil is Not a Country"

Töpher

My old Geog teacher once spent an entire class arguing that the Mississipi wasn't the biggest river in the world. (we were talking about girth, not length). lol.

uberwolf

Originally posted by Civilian_Target
Since the find funtion didn't turn this one up:

George W: "Half of all Americans receive a below average education"

You don't say...

strictly speaking an average can be skewed by a minority having results well above the norm. Although i'm sure Bush didn't mean it like that.

However the same man reported his belief that fish and man could coexist peacefully.

skipn_easy

What does sort do (while looking at me typing w | sort on the cmd line)?

It sorts...

"Oh"

embee

At work one day, myself and two friends out having a smoke and chatting about our manager and how stupid he is....

Friend called Lisa is of an average intelligence. Not so for Bernie.

Me : God, hes such a dickhead.
Lisa : He is. Do you know he has no grasp on basic maths.. and him an accounts manager?
Me : He probably shagged the bosses on his way to the top.
Lisa : Those shags must have been scheduled in and around his frontal lobotomy.
Bernie (after a long pause to think and in the dopiest voice imaginable) : Whats a frontal lobotomy?????



Another 'genius' quote from Bernie....

'Wouldnt it be great to be a wheel'

Civilian_Target

Originally posted by uberwolf
strictly speaking an average can be skewed by a minority having results well above the norm. Although i'm sure Bush didn't mean it like that.

Yeah, but over such a large population as 300million, thats nearly impossible...

The funny thing, is on average, half of the people in an average will be less than average....

Eitherway, its another great bushism.

Blitzkrieger

Didn't hear it myself but a guy I used to work with allegedly said : "My dad's MR2 has 16 gears" Yes, he was 20 at the time.

While walking past a pub with lots of bright pink lights and rainbows in the window called "Homo Erectus", a guy who will never live it down said : "That place looks cool! Lets go in!".

One by me (deliberate)
Dumb girl "Wie komme ich ambested zum bahnhof."
what's the best way to get to the train station
Me "Mit dem Zug"
by train
Dumb girl "Ha, ha, ha. You're so stupid."

Another by me :
Way back in primary school the teacher was talking about Dun being the Irish for fort, then asked; "Do you know the name of any places with 'Dun' in them?" For some reason people were actually listening and started calling out names (Dungarvan, Dundalk, Donegal, etc.), so I decided to put my hand up and mention the name of the village where my cousins lived at the time; Doon. The teacher picks me, I call out "Doon" and I get the dirtiest look ever.
It was years later that I figured out I must have looked like the slowest kid ever.

Capt'n Midnight

Originally posted by Civilian_Target
Yeah, but over such a large population as 300million, thats nearly impossible...

The funny thing, is on average, half of the people in an average will be less than average....

Eitherway, its another great bushism.

Don't forget that the vast majority of people have more than the average number of legs.

Exit

If we're gonna talk about ourselves here, we used to play football out our back garden, and the ball went over the wall into a neighbouring garden. None of us were in the mood to go knock for it back, so we just played with a different ball. After a while, that one also went over the wall, so I had to go knock for them back (Before anyone asks, they had a huge wall, so I couldn't just climb in and get them) I knocked on the door, and the woman answered and I said "Can I have my balls back please?", the woman burst out laughing at me.

It wasn't until days later that I realised what I'd said.

Nedrac

A guy in my year was to talking to a friend during lunch and said "Aw man you stink of BO?"

To which the friend replied:
"I dont use that s**t"???

tonky

In Leaving Cert COC Rathmines, mate reciting Macbeth to the class: "hoovered through the fog and filthy air".
Amid unbeliveable laughter insists; "That's what it says here in the book". Years later, he's still getting stick every time we meet.

popinfresh

Overeard two Americans talking. One goes "It's called sarcasticness you idiot" . And in school, the principal was pissed off giving out to my year for something, and she said "If you want to act like you can all just go and do what you want on Leeson Street" Prolly had to be there, it was priceless. Our whole year just laughed in her face.

cournioni

My friend saying "I love fucking dogs".

When he was supposed to say "I love dogs". Or so he says anyway! :ninja:

growler

"how did noah get all the fish in his ark .? ..must have had some sort of aqua-centre i guess"

jesus wept.

beatsie

what a class thread

anyway here are some choice cuts uttered by an unnamed friend of mine:

1.Went into a McDonalds , wanted a burger with nothing on it and said.
"Can i have a naked burger please" then asked a second time

2.He asked for a "single return" ticket at a train station!

3.Once referred a pitchfork as a forkstick!!!

and many many many more i cant recall at the moment.

Oh, and heres one by me

Got slightly confused in a shop and said to my gf that i wanted some "vietnamese whirls" (should be viennese whirls).

And just to get the obligatory stupid american bit in.

A mate of mine while in the US on a J1 convinced americans that steam powered trains were new over here, that his family lived in a trench because of the troubles and that leprechauns were a plague on the island and he had to clean them off his garden every morning

SheroN

My old Geog teacher once spent an entire class arguing that the Mississipi wasn't the biggest river in the world. (we were talking about girth, not length). lol.

maybe i'm reading this wrong, but isn't the amazon the worlds widest river?

cournioni

Originally posted by beatsie
2.He asked for a "single return" ticket at a train station!

One of my friends said the exact same thing on a bus one time, we got some laugh out of it.

And one other time my cousin went in to the local chipper, and he asked the guy behind the counter for a breast of chicken with no bra. I was nearly on the floor with laughter!

scojones

A guy i know asked for "A vegetable chicken curry" at the chinese. hah!

Big al

Not so much heard but saw..... a girl who went to college with me tried to hail down a dart as it approached the platform (boggers!!!!)

ManWithThePlan

Don't know if it's been said already but..

"Solutions are not the answer" - G.W Bush

Töpher

Originally posted by SheroN
maybe i'm reading this wrong, but isn't the amazon the worlds widest river?

Dammit! My stupidest thing ever I guess!! I MEANT to say The Amazon, but I was typing quickly and not thinking! Oh to feel like a spaz!!

T.G Catter

when i was int he states i was asked the following:

do we have seasons in ireland?
do we have running water?
is it true we only travel by bike?

i have lots more about world geography.

uberwolf

similar things regarding yanks. Inquiring as to whether we drove to america over the bridge? Some actually thought Ireland was just a part of Texas

Capt'n Midnight

College canteen - a student asked for a "plate of growth factors"

Anyone remember Wang's legendary advertising
campaign ?

WANG CARES

Or the Vaxuhall Nova which didn't do well in Spanish speaking countries ?

Big Ears

when explaining something today my science teacher said '' the colour is like those red bricks,you know the ones with a distinct orange colour '' . not the stupidest thing ive ever heard some1 say. but i cant be bothered trying to remember anything else.

Big Ears

Originally posted by uberwolf
similar things regarding yanks. Inquiring as to whether we drove to america over the bridge? Some actually thought Ireland was just a part of Texas

u dumbass have u never watched king of the hill. theres a place called ARELAND in texas.

pauldeehan

Looking after the house for my grandparents, the phone rings. I answer.

Caller: Is Tommy there?
Myself: No, he's holding a party in the town.
Caller: Oh, is it for his clients?
Myself: I hope not, he's an undertaker.:p

dictatorcat

WANG CARES

On a similar note,
if you owned a corperation called powergen,
and you had an italian branch,
What would your address be?

http://www.powergenitalia.com/

uberwolf

Originally posted by Big Ears
u dumbass have u never watched king of the hill. theres a place called ARELAND in texas.

No, I haven't watched some slack jawed yokel second rate network dropped cartoon to provide my geographical knowledge of obscure regions of texas. So I must be a dumbass.
And the people in my story were refering to the leprachaun version of Ireland.

Panda

In a house i was livin in first year in college,
myself, one of the girls (Síle) that was livin in the house and one of the lads (tom) that was livin there aswell were talkin sh!t.
tom and sile were havin a smoke,
i was just talking sh!t,
it goes quiet and tom tries to break the silence,
he looks at his cig and nods his head approvingly,

"these things go down like a real man"


myself and sile pissed ourselves laughing.
while tom stayed quite.
he was trying to say
"these things go down like a real mans cigarette".

Big Ears

Originally posted by uberwolf
No, I haven't watched some slack jawed yokel second rate network dropped cartoon to provide my geographical knowledge of obscure regions of texas. So I must be a dumbass.
And the people in my story were refering to the leprachaun version of Ireland.

i was joking when calling u a dumbass. what i want to know is how did u know its a slack jawed yokel second network dropped cartoon ??? .

uberwolf

heard some stupid yank talking about it when I was in Areland

Big Ears

Originally posted by uberwolf
heard some stupid yank talking about it when I was in Areland

hehe good answer

monument

Originally posted by beatsie
2.He asked for a "single return" ticket at a train station!

Single = one

A 'single ticket' is more of a miss use of English then a 'single return ticket'

Just because the saying ‘single ticket’ is, for some reason, used in place of ‘one-way’ does not make it any more correct.

Walter Ego

It was me.

How's that for concise dumbness. Never admit to anything;)

Blitzkrieger

In the 'funny at the time' catagory........

We were discussing tactics for a class soccer match. We knew our oponents were going to pack the midfield and it'd be hard to work through them, but we had a striker who's 6'4 so Mickey comes up with the idea of lobbing the ball up to him with runners from midfield trying to latch onto whatever he can get to first. Pity he decided to express this plan by saying : "Straight for the box lads."

Capt'n Midnight

Reminds me of PE in school
the teacher told one of the guys to go out to his car to get the "two balls in the leather bag" ...

Panda

heres the build up,

I moved into this house in 3rd year in college, where i still live now,
i knew the people pretty well that i moved in with before hand except for one of the lads girlfriends, we'll call her sue.

about a month goes by and one evenin we're just watchin tv and talking ****,
and out of nowhere sue pipes up and asks in the most innocent manner,

"why does everybody call you Divilly?"

we all started laughing, leaving her kinda offended.
then i replied,
"because thats my surname."

fact.

btw, do any of ye ever read FHM? theres a small section every month called
"out of the mouth of babes" showcasing the silly things that women say. funny stuff...

dazberry

Originally posted by monument
Single = one

In my local chipper, the convention for asking for "a single of chips" is simply "one chips" - being singular and plural in the one sentence. Phrases such as two chips or three chips always makes me grin.

But it's been my chipper for the last 10 years, and I resisted the local vernacular for about 8 years, but over the last couple, I seem to have adopted it - even though I really really hate it. Just seems safer .

D.

Capt'n Midnight

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?postid=1343048#post1343048

Originally posted by jesus_thats_gre
Would I get sacked for having suck a big penis?

bkehoe

In a shop in america at the checkout and the woman, being friendly, asks us where we're from... We say that we're from Ireland, and she says something like "is that far from here?", to which we say, "it's in Europe". The next bit is the best - she says "i suppose you came over here on the train?". We just said no, that the atlantic tunnel isnt finished yet, and just got out of there to laugh.

Makaveli

Sitting in double accounting last Tuesday and we're doing day books and control accounts and all that crap. Anyway, half way through the class one of the girls turns around and says "So what is a ledger anyway?" I actually didn't know what to say for a few seconds, then when I told her it was just a book several times (several times because she couldn't grasp the fact that it was just a book) she says that's she is going to go out and buy one just to have a look.

She's said some other really stupid things that I can't think of now. She truly is a dumb blonde though.