Today's Observation:

BEAT

Well it is the second day of August and it appears that summer is coming to an end...Autumn will soon be here.
Children will be back in school and the streets will be a little quieter for it.

The greenery will soon be changing and the sunshine fading.

I am observing the need to get out and enjoy these last weeks of bright sunshiny weather...to get out and breathe the fresh air, to feel the warmth and sit in the grass before it turns to ice covered ground.

It's a monday and I feel the need to escape.

DriftingRain

It's a monday and I feel the need to escape.

I hate Mondays....I hate Fridays....For me Wednesday is my fav. cause its like the Hump over the hill in the week. All downhill from that day. Who knows....You should make a poem outta that Beat..

The greenery will soon be changing and the sunshine fading.

Ahhh..HELL its Thursday :rolleyes:

~DR~

BEAT

I am in a peculiar mood, as I have booked my trip over to Ireland in November I am excited and overjoyed to be spending some time in good company once again,
I am so happy that I am sad. One can understand this feeling as, The good times cant last and I will only have a week before I must return.

So I try to concentrate only on the time that will be spent with friends and planning for the next time I can get over.

It is friday, it seemed like a long week ahead on Monday...but now I cant find where the days went.
Time is fleeting and happiness comes to us to few and far between, finding the lighter side of every situation is the key.

Learning to breathe, you may think you know how...its a natural thing that we dont learn we just do right?
if this is your way of thinking then you have a long way to go before you find your peace, before you find the "key".

carpocrates

do observations from incidents in your own head count?
I am haunted by the visage of some kind of city flying straight at me from deepest space. It's an entire city, down to the potholes, peopled with tiny citizens, all ignorant of their fate and I can only assume if I scream to let them know their heads will explode from the sheer volume unleashed so all I can do is whisper calmly hoping someone notices.

BEAT

To the previous poster, any sort of observation will do

Today I was brought back to earth when shortly after I awoke I begane to have severe chest pains that radiated to my left shoulder and neck...feeling a bit alarmed but not totally (I have had similar problems in the past) I slowly went about getting ready for work hoping it would go away as it usually does. The pain persisted and worsened with my intake of breathing...I got to work through a painful drive and called my aunt, a Nurse. I explained it to her and she wanted me to go to the emergency room...I told her if it persisted for another hour or got worse I would.

I tried to relax at work, moved around a bit as sitting became uncomfortable... sat down again and put my head down for a minute. I sat up and decided to go to the ER, I stood up and the pain ceased almost immediatly.

I felt better for about an hour then the onset of weakness and lightheadness began to set in, I called my doctor and made an appointment to go in this afternoon. Hoping it isnt anything deadly I can only hope they can diagnose it so I can treat it.

Things like this make you think, I have said I love you to everyone I love lately and done the things that i wanted to do...what if I drop dead the next time I stand up...what then?

It just makes you think.

BEAT

all is well in heartsville

Last night I observed a friend having a hard time. I live next door to my best friend of 11 years and she is unhappily married with 2 children. It is hard for me to feel sympathy because no one has to stay in such situations but time after time she chooses too. Finally all i can say to her is when you are ready to pack your bags let me know.

Growing up in a major-dysfunctional family I have seen things and had to deal with things that most other people will only hear about on the evening news. From this I have learned to avoid trouble and stay away from people who would drag me down with them. I have a sort of sixth-sense about people and know when to avoid certain people and situations because of how I grew up.

I have tried to share my knowledge and make others understand that they dont have to be miserable, You have to be strong for yourself and know that it is possible to be happy.

You cant feel like there is no way out or that things will get worse or never get better, those are only excuses. If you are miserable its because its your choice to be that way. We all have a choice,
Change your frame of mind and see the brighter side to life.
Or sulk and be depressed feeling sorry for yourself. I have been the latter and I changed myself because I knew no one could do it for me and it was up to me to be happy and lead a normal life.

It isnt easy but if you make up your mind to do it, then you can. You really do have the power to change your life no matter what the situation is. Giving up is not an option...living life is a goal worth working for.

Letting others get in your way, placing blame elsewhere, it's all crap..nothing but excuses. You are the master of your destiny, only you can make up your mind how you want to live your life and only you can do what needs to be done to live that life.

Catalpa

I think this thread is a GREAT idea! I've been looking for somewhere to unburden my hefty mindload.

I amn't much of a writer, and I have trouble opening up sometimes, but here goes....


One of the great pleasures of life is the eager expectation of another's humiliation. So much of the world - including an anonymous poster on an internet forum such as myself - was feverishly looking forward to the Athens Olympics taking place in a building site. There would be a bus shelter where the south-facing stands should have been, plus several doughty Nubian nuns with parasols to shield the Greek president and the various VIPs from the mid-day sun.

We also looked forward to an official track manufacturer - the one responsible for making the bendy bits - vanishing at the dead of night with all the bendy-bit funding, so that the stadium had just two parallel running tracks. Or would have, if one of them hadn't been commandeered by Kleptos Foukoulopolis, the shipping magnate, as his personal airstrip, and the other hadn't been secretly sold to Tanzania as a horizontal ski-slope. Which left the high jump - two more Nubians holding a length of tape at different heights and trying to guess the result - and the pole-vault, which involved the same Nubians on chairs, and this time balancing a broom-handle on their noses. But since no fibre-glass poles had turned up on time, vaulters would have been obliged to imagine they had poles. The Stanislavski school of athletics.

Alas, none of this actually happened this year. Despite all the predictions of disaster, the building projects were all finished on time. Why, I even lost my little bet that you could unfailingly recognise the swimmers in this Olympics: they'd all have broken wrists because Athens had run out of water. But Athens didn't. Athens organised everything as perfectly as everything has been organised in all previous Olympics. Why, Athens didn't even run out of corruption.

Some might say that losing your Olympic torchbearer because he failed to turn up for a drugs test is a little excessive. It is no more excessive than an Irish swimmer, who had previously possessed the piscine skills of a three-legged cow, winning a trio of gold medals, and assuming she would get away with it. Nor is it any more excessive than the American sprinter Flo-Jo, who managed to compete in the women's events, even though her lunchbox made Linford Christie's look like something adorning a tiny Asian she-gymnast.

The people of Greece are possibly much embarrassed by the fact that the Olympic flame won't now be borne by Kostas Kenteris. Having failed to turn up for a drugs test, this champion sprinter then had a mysterious motorcycle accident, which involved no ambulance call-out or police report, yet which nonetheless involved him being confined to hospital for 48 hours. Similarly injured and similarly confined was his pillion passenger, the woman sprinter Katerina Thanou, who had similarly failed to turn up for a drugs appointment.

The only thing that the Greeks have to be embarrassed about is that their two athletes got the sequence wrong. They were meant to have the "accident" not after the drugs appointment, but before. After is dumb. After is backwards. That's like putting on a condom when sex is finished, or coming in from a downpour and donning a raincoat, or ironing the clothes and then washing them.

But that's what you have to remember about so many athletes, of any nationality: they are deeply, deeply stupid. They don't start out that way, but uncontrolled ambition can do that to people. How could Michelle Smith, hitherto like a heifer fording the Shannon in flood, believe she was a credible thrice-over Olympic champion? How else could Ben Johnson win an Olympic gold medal, knowing that the resulting drugs test would inevitably reveal that he had more drugs in him than downtown Bogota? His near namesake, Ben Jonson, was right: "What a rare punishment is avarice unto itself!" A poll once showed that over 40 per cent of Olympian athletes would willingly take undetectable performance-enhancing drugs which would enable them to win an Olympic gold and would then kill them, so long as no one knew their little secret. In other words, nearly half of all athletes are suicide bombers of track and field.

So all in all, these are pretty dysfunctional people; and instead of the world averting its eyes in embarrassment at their quadrennial antics, it gazes on avidly - and, incredibly, is seemingly astonished by the quadrennial allegations of corruption. This is ridiculous. Corruption is as integral to the Olympic games as the 100-metres sprint and the marathon. How can there not be corruption when all the normal life-forces - of love, of sex, of duty to others, of family, of working toward a future - have been replaced by a single death-wish ambition, to win gold, no matter the price? If life itself means so little, what chance has any lesser ethical value of surviving? Indeed, it was with some relief that we learn that the chief organiser of the games, Gianna Angelopoulos-Daskalaki, is being investigated for the misappropriation of €370 million of Olympic funds. Ah, the pure fragrance of financial corruption: the truest Olympian tradition of them all.

In fact, the time has surely arrived when corruption should formally be recognised as an Olympic sport. If it were, then Ireland would once again be in with a chance. What a team we'd have: Haughey, Beverley Flynn, Redmond, Lowry, Burke, Traynor, et alia. Gold, pure gold.

BEAT

*Getting back on topic....(read the charter dammit!)

I have had a fear of the dentist since the first time I went to a dentist and he caused me pain. So I have avoided the dentist for many years, though I do take care of my teeth on my own.

Unfortunatley My wisdom teeth started coming in and I had no choice but to go to the dentitst so I could open my mouth again without pain. I had some extras done and then sat in the dentists chair shaking when she told me she could pull one wisdom tooth right then but I have to have surgery for the other three.

I signed the release form, my hand shaking so badly my writing was barley legible. I closed my eyes so I wouldnt freak out when I saw the needle and she shot me up full of novacaine.

She came back and said all I would feel was some pressure, I closed my eyes and felt her press down on my jaw with all her might, she sawed away at the tooth and then yanked that sucker out and I didnt feel a goddammed thing! I started to laugh I was so relieved! I couldnt believe it, I was amazed!

All this time I was dreading the unknown and then found out it wasnt anything at all. No pain after either.

Once again the old saying has been proven:
All you have to fear is fear itself

keu

CANCER
(Jun 23 - Jul 23)
It isn't really fair to make someone else responsible for keeping you in check. In asking a friend to remind you of a promise... or in telling someone to stop you if they see you doing something silly, you are not just being lazy. You are giving that person an awkward role. You are making them play adult to your child, policeman to your criminal, doctor to your patient. Yet you don't really need someone to do this for you. And they don't need the aggravation. Take charge of your own needs this weekend and you'll yet get all that's needed!

My general daily observations begin here, I always feel there is much to be gained from seeing things from an alternative perspective.
Sometimes I wear the shoes so well, I forget that other peoples problems are not my own. Its time to hand those issues back.
Such a wonderful coincidence you mentioned fear Beat. For many, fear supplies the fuel to be who they are, afraid to be anything other than what is expected of them.
Afraid to be unacepted by the majority, when always in the past it was those who chose to be something different, were the people who stood out as truely unique.
Fear can also be a great tool.
Expressed as anger, it can show us the things which we really don't want to be.
Supressing such emotion is to deny your own identity.
Mis-directed it can only cause damage to ourselves and those around us.
Finding the line between, is when we really begin to take care of our own needs.

Soxi

sometimes you wake up, in the middle of the night, and you know the answers. but when you trie to grap them, they dissapear. only little flashes stay in your mind... forever... and ever...

Everybody has got an own version of the truth. that's kind of logical, 'cause we all see things in our own way. but doesn't make that truth just another lie?

some time ago I noticed if you hold on to a lie, you'll start to believe in it. that would mean that if you believe hard enough in something, it's true. I've got some catholic friends, and they believe god is there, so he's there for them. (this shouldn't taken as if I want to say religion is a lie... don't be mad at me! I'm just in a strange mood today!)

(((and sometimes you've thought of something very long, and when you finally feel like you can make it clear to others... it seems so silly!)))

well... I'll try to find better words for it... and I'll post it...

BEAT

I was thinking today about the miracle of child birth. I have no children but when I think about having a baby this immense feeling of joy enters my whole being. I get emotional and think about the whole process and how wonderful to be able to have a human being growing inside of me and then to give birth and nurse and bond with my baby.
It is such an awesome feeling, such a beautiful and wonderful feeling...I think it is love.

Then the thought of raising my child to be a decent human being who cares and respects his/her fellow man and world/nature within she/he lives.
What a challenge to teach/bring up a child in this world and hope they turn out normal.

The miracle of childbirth, how many people actually think about it? It is amazing, what a link a mother has...or should have with her baby. I can understand why some women fall completely apart when they lose a child. What an awesome feeling it must be to have a baby, a person...your creation growing inside of you.

I only hope that one day I can experience this *sigh*

BEAT

I have esp dreams, dreams where I have visions that come true and are played out exactly as I have seen them in my dream. It is usually the very next day or morning to be precise. I always remember my dreams since I was little and can tell when it is an esp dream or a "normal dream" (where remnants from the day play out in your dream.)
I have the most vibrant colors and stories sometimes, I wake up so amazed sometimes and often exhausted. I write down the stories when I think it is worth repeating and get ideas from them for books.

The visions though, I dont know many people who have these, infact the only people I know are in my family who have had similar dreams and I seem to be the one who has the most defined and acurate visions or preminitions as some would call them.
It is a strange thing to have such an ability and it is because I have this and other abilities that I know there are other people out there like me and other things possible. I believe there is a higher power and more to this life than meets the eye.

Believe in the unknown for it is all knowing

It is from my knowledge that I learn to be open minded and therefore receive and observe more.

chizzle dizzle

hi BEAT,
just came across ur daily observation thingy,What a cul idea!!
i no this wil sound weird but are u ever in town r sumthing and just see people everywhere around you and just wonder where every one is going and where life brings them.r do you ever wonder what every one in the world is doing at this very moment?
r do you ever think that ur soul mate is out there now living their life at this very moment, they could be in that plane flying overhead in the sky...u never know!!

u could be married BEAT i dont know,but because im not i just wonder about that every so often!!
i no it sounds weird but that is my daily observation.

buy for now BEAT!!!

BEAT

Chizzle,
Yes I wonder about those things every single day.
There isnot a day that goes by that I dont drive to and from work wondering where the people around me are going, or after work when I am going somewhere and someone flys by real fast, I wonder is there some terrible emergency , something horrible they are russhing to, like perhaps thier death.
Or maybe they are just in a hirry and driving like an idiot.

Everyday I see people on the street and wonder about thier lives...yes, these thoughts cross my mind more than you know NO I am not married...single and no kids and happy Thanks for wondering about that though!
I always wonder about the posters I do not know on boards as well..and sometimes about the ones I do know

BEAT

I know I have touched on this subject before but I feel it bears repeating.
This weekend I drove myself and my 12 year old cousin to the country for a little get away and to show her around since she hadnt been down that way before.
When we arrived it was night and the sky was the clearest I have ever seen it. We were so amazed that we just stopped and layed on the ground to look at it all.

As we were laying there trying to point out the constellations and I tried to remember the stories behind them we saw a shooting star...it was really something.
I have never, ever in my whole life seen so many stars...I felt so overwhelmed by the beauty of it all that I didnt want to get up.

Mother Nature took care of that for me and brought in the fog, we got up and couldnt stop talking about the sky.
The sky, something that is always there, is always beautiful and so very Grand...and yet how many people find pleasure in just viewing it?
It is such a simple pleasure, free entertainment right before your eyes.
We even saw the milky way, without a telescope...it was quite amazing. Then to top it all we saw a shooting star...we made a wish. It was great.

How often do you complain of boredom? Have you ever read about the stars and constellations? and then tried to find them ?
I have let the hours pass by plenty a night doing just that and I dont think it was a single hour wasted

BEAT

I have been forced to think about this latley because I have had friends and family dropping dead around me for the last 6 months. Its as if some chain reaction has started and wont stop until it gets to me...well you know what I mean I am not paranoid or depressed but the thought crossed my mind,
what have I done that I will be remembered for?

I have painted paintings and people have them in thier homes, that is great. I have writen stories soon to be published...that is cool.
Will I be remembered for those things though?

Or is it the direct affect you have on someones life that you are remembered for? I know I remember people that have past because of the talks we had, experiences shared. Not the material things they bought and such.

I am always there when a friend needs a hand, or a shoulder to cry on. I am there for my family no matter what the need. I go out of my way to make someone smile and care for the person walking or driving by who seems to be lost or sad.

I always speak my mind and try to make others see the lighter side of life. Always trying to give people another perspective to things...helping them broaden thier horizons.

These things make me happy and I feel satisfied at the end of the day, If I gave the shirt off my back and didnt have another one for myself, I would because a person who asks for it needs it worse than I do. Anything bought can be lost so it is there for the taking and if asked I would give anything I had if it made a difference in someones life.

A lot of this thread idea isnt only for me, its for others and from the responses I have gotten I think it is working. Just observing your daily life you will observe those around you and how you affect each other.

Trixiebelle

I remember reading this line a long time ago, and it's always stuck with me when I get depressed by the news and my environs: "Despite everything, it's still a beautiful world." Simple, perhaps oversimple, but to the point. It IS a beautiful world, and I don't just mean geographically. Music, art, laughter, good food, kindness, love. Beautiful.
On the way home yesterday, I saw a group of geese flying in perfect V formation, and flying alongside at full speed was a pigeon, trying to find a place in line, I presume. Is there a metaphor in that? Probably, but I chose to just enjoy the sight.

chizzle dizzle

i hav two cats and i'v always wondered what it would be like to be an animal.just having that freedom of roaming around each day and not to hav any worries,no pressure of exams or anything like that.I sometimes wish i was one of my cats,when i see all the freedom they hav and little worries.
how come we werent born into the animal kingdom?or how come one of them werent born as humans?is it a matter of look r just evalution?!!!
strange!!
soom things can never be answered.

Fenian

Well my mind set for the last few days is that i don't feel confortable around people. i already know i have some paranoid delusions (don't like that phrase and not sure if i spelt it right).The delusions i have are that i constantly think i smell, even if i'm 10 minutes out of the shower, I only feel comfortable around my family and very close friends, even the poeple who i considere friends i don't feel welcome around. MIGHT be all in my head then again.....

"i fear my enemies not, but God protect me from my friends." Don't know the auther.

Don't know why i wrote that but it's on my mind for the last few days so i have to get it off my chest to someone, the the internet is perfect for that, so impersonal.

BEAT

Fenian, you either have a serious disorder that can be treated or you are just Anti-social. Only you know but I would seek professional help before you become a Lonely Hermit type

This weekend I bought a monster of a tent because I have been wanting to sleep under the stars for some time. So I decided I would go camping. I did a trial run at home in the backyard, and I am glad I did.
I got the tent up okay , it looked harder than it was.
I invited my younger cousin and sister along since I am taking them camping with me this coming weekend. We had fun until we tried to sleep.
The night became unbearably cold and the cold hard ground began to make for a long sleepless night. At 6am I got up and woke the girls up to see if they were cold, and they thought i wasnt so they didnt say anything. We took our frozen selves into the house and went to sleep in the warmth and comfort of home.
The next morning my neck and back were totally fuked and I thought the girls wouldnt want to go camping (hoped is more like it) when I brought it up and mentioned that we wouldnt have a house to run into for warmth they said "we'll just wear double layers of clothes"
:eek: I was shocked to say the least...but since they are troopers we will give it a go.

Atleast I know now to bring an air mattress and some extra blankets

I think as an adult you grow softer when you think you grow stronger. Actually you become more dependent on the conveniences of life and such an easy thing as sleeping outside shows you what you once thought was easy has become bothersome.
I take it with stride though, I am always up for a challenge

BEAT

Well, I took the girls out camping for real this time over the weekend, all in all everything went well. It is the first time I have gone campong on my own as the only adult, I took along my sister (11) and cousin (12).

We got the tent up okay but I didnt bring an extension cord so we were unable to use the space heater, it turned out we didnt need it anyway. We were lucky there.
I brought an air mattress so I wasnt as sore as I was from sleeping on the ground the previous weekend.

Everything went fine, The hardest part was building a fire. I didnt bring lighter fluid...instead I thought I'd be smart and bought some starter logs whcih were the size of 2 pencils together. I used all twelve of them to get the fire started, I thought it wasnt going to work at first but finally one of the logs caught on and it burned a lovley fire for us to roast marshmellows and hotdogs by.

The moon was nearly full as we sat by the fire and watched it. We even got a bit silly and danced around the fire for a bit...it was fun.

We lucked out in that teh campground was having a haunted hayride that night, so the girls were excited. I was also selected to be a judge that night for the campers who decorated thier camper for halloween. I was one of three judges and we got to select 1st,2nd,and 3rd place prizes. So I enjoyed that part of it.

It was so nice to just be outside, I would have rather slept outside than in the tent but with the amount of bloodsuckers flying around I decided not too.

Camping is meant to be relaxing, and while it is at night after you have set up camp and everything it doesnt explain why I was so tired and sore after a relaxing camping trip, hahaha probably because I had to ....load up the car, unload the car, set up tent...load up tent. assemble bed. fetch fire wood, build fire. cook, clean relax before going to bed.
then, take down tent load up car, unload car, wash everything including car...relax from relaxing camping trip. hahaha

It was fun nonetheless. I will definitley make it part of my spring,summer and fall plans every year

Even having fun requires a bit of work but in the end it was worth it.

carpocrates

I have to say, that last post charmed me more than a little. Very nice to read simple but honestly happy things like that from time to time.

BEAT

Thanks Carpocrates

I came into work last monday and after having woke up late, got stuck in a traffic jam and clocked in 7 minutes late I was having a bad morning. I decided when I got to my desk I would leave it behind me and cheer up.
Then The vice-president came to my desk and screamed at me infront of everyone. Then I got in trouble for coming in 7 minutes late from the president.
I was on the verge of tears ans realized my day wasnt getting any better.

Out of nowhere I decided to send an email to one of my underwriters that I havnt always been the nicest to and told her that I hoped she was having a good day and to smile since I know she doesnt have the easiest job. I put a little side note that I wanted her to have a better day than I was having.
She emailed me back right away telling me that God blesses those that wish happiness on those who wish it for others when they are down.
My outlook on the day got better after that even though the rest of the day was full of tension in the office.

I didnt eat lunch that day because I was upset and at about 5 minutes til clock out time I get a call from my cousin, she wanted to take me out to my favorite restaurant for dinner because I helped her paint and clean her new house over teh weekend.

When I left work I was happier than I had been since I woke up, and all because I made other people happy.

That's the secret as far as I am concerned.

carpocrates

You work in the white house? cool!

BEAT

Autumn is upon us,
The trees have begun to lose thier green.
The nights have grown colder,
the days are now shorter.

I saw that first tree shed a leaf,
I always know when nature is turning...
closed eyes hurry by and then one day
it seems like a surprise,
did fall arrive overnight?

I sit by patiently and watch the changes all around me,
I will feel the warmth no more...I awake in the cold and leave when it is dark
coming home to the same conditions.
days spent inside while the sun shines...
and tomorrow it will be gone.

Winter is around the corner and its only October,
So I will spend every minute I can outside before I am forced to
watch it all from my window.

It is a friday and I am joyfull that October has arrived as it is my favorite month,
but mournful at the fact that summer has left us behind.

Why do I love October,
The colors all around so beutiful and inviting...
Warm apple cider and jumping into the leaves.
Pulling out your old sweaters and feeling warm and cozy,

sitting around fires outside with friends,
changes in everyone.
Putting to sleep that has happened in the summer
and moving forward towards a new year to come.

The day is coming to an end and the night will soon arrive,
I will live it outside as if i had just become alive.

BEAT

I recently posted and delted this in the PI forum:
I cant stop crying and I just cant talk right now so I thought I'd type, hopefully it will help.
I just found out my grandmother is in the hospital, My mother was very young when she had me so my Grandma raised me...so she is more like my mother.
I love her more than anything in this whole world, I would die for her. I wish I could take all her pain for her, I would rather suffer then see her suffer.
I couldnt take it if something happened to her,
Everything I do is for her. All I want is to make her happy and proud...I live for her.
She had a mini-stroke last night.
She is a healthy woman except that she has diabetes...but she keeps it well under control.
She lives 4 hours away from me and I cant be there with her right now.

I called her and she said she is fine, but she always says that. My grandmother never puts herself first, she is the kindest, most generous and thoughtful woman...She is so wonderful that I couldnt say enuf.

I spoke to her nurse and they said that as long as her MRI comes back fine she can go home tonight, but I have to sit here and wait. I cant leave to see her until Friday..I asked the nurse if she thought I should come now but they say they think she will be fine. If her test comes back and they say she cant go home then I will leave tonight. I hope the test comes back okay, I just want her to be okay.

I have been a nervous crying wreck since I found out, its been 3 hours now. I am trying to occupy my mind with other things, I calmed down enough to call my mother and aunt to let them know and to talk them through it calmly. I have to be the strong one here I know it, but I feel like I am dying inside.

I dont think I can stay in this world without her,



I am putting it here because there is less traffice and though I received many kind and warm words from the people of boards I wanted to post it for me more than for others.

My Grandmother means everything to me, I tell her everytie we speak that I love her and I mean it everytime. I cant imagine ever loving someone this much and losing them, It would kill me inside..I know it would.

All I have to say here is that you should never take your loved ones for granted, even if they look the picture of health. Always let them know how much they mean to you.
It will mean so much to you if something happened and you lived your life that way, I know my gran knows how much she means to me ...even so I couldnt live without her.

Live everyday as if it were your last, sooner or later you will be right.

BEAT

The longest 4 days...

My grandmother is home after 4 days of testing and I can thankfully report that there were no blockages so surgery was not neccessary.
We are all very relieved and she seems to be back to her old self.

Blood pressure medicine and keeping stress at a minimum should keep her from having another possibly worse heart attack.

We are all so relieved and I miss her even more now, I live 4 hours away and no matter how hard I try I cant get her to move here.
If I could find work where she lives I would move there, but I tried that already and the town is so small , jobs are hard to come by.

I am gratefull for all of the getwell wishes I got for her from friends and family.

For some people it takes something like this to bring them closer, I already knew what a treasure I had and dont think we could get closer than we are. My grandma is the reason I am the person I am today.

I feel sad for those who are not able to express thier feelings and then when it is too late they feel remorse and regret.
It really is important to let those you love know that you love them one way or another, not just for yourself, but more importantly...for them

BEAT

Have you ever noticed that after being on your own for awhile you tend to pick up a new set of values and get comfortable with them just because of your lifestyle?
Like, for instance...Me being a bit of a loner I changed my outlook from at one time wanting to get married and have kids and be the soccer mom to, I will probably never get married so instead of looking for a husband I look for someone to hang out with, and kids are getting more and more distant in my wishes for the future...and my only need now is someone to have sex with on a regular basis.

When you meet someone new, dont you always re-evaluate those values? doesnt making a new friend and talking to them make you think back on what you use to want? Remembering what you use to want out of life and trying to see if it still fits in your current lifestyle?

I imagine I am not that different from other women in my life so I imagine I am not the only one who does this.
I also imagine that at one time all women want the most, to just fall in love. It seems like a weakness to say this now, but at one time all I wanted was to fall so deeply in love, I wanted to meet someone who would fall in love with me and for us to live happily ever after.
Now, I am not being negative when I say this, but since it hasnt happened and I am almost 30 I am beginning to think it doesnt really happen...or atleast not to me.
I think this is why I have changed my wishes for the future...
I think not having been able to find someone and being at this stage in my life makes me not want to wish for such things because its bound not to happen and I dont want to let myself down.

So when is it ok to let your guard down again? is it ever?

In this day and age everone has one up to protect themselves...but in doing this are we preventing ourselves from actually getting what we wanted out of life?

Is it a simple thing to ask for...to be loved by someone? I used to think it was but after the dating scene and watching my friends and family members go through failed marriages and relationships I dont know anymore if there is such a thing as really being in Love? Is it just a state of mind we have that gets us through the day...that thought of "it will happen one day"?

Is just being happy alone enough? I have been happy alone for some time but I am starting to think I want more from life...and starting to realise that I am happy alone because I was afraid to be miserable with a partner.
Always running from commitment because I was afraid of being the one left in the dark.

I have been so happy these last couple years just living and being myself, and everyone told me that someone would come along when I least expected it...there have been a few but they proved to be obstacles to overcome rather than something to mold my future to.
Why do people always say those things?

I would much rather have someone be honest and say, well...you are 27 and havnt been in a real relationship...what r the odds of you finding a life partner now? is this self destructive thinking?

I would just really like to meet someone I can have fun with and talk to, be open with and share things with...is that a lot to ask for?
I dont think so , but then what do I know?

When I meet someone I feel is worthy of my greatness, hehehe Maybe I willlet them in and hope that it will last. It is fun for me when my emotions get all twisted and my mind starts to rattle with the possibilities. I like it when someone makes me think, when someone challenges me.

I am happy to have met someone who could make me feel this way again...its always nice to make a new friend.

BEAT

The sun has shed its last ray and the winter season approaches while autmn prepares nature for it.
The skys have turned gray and the rain has begun to wipe away the foliage.

The air is crisp and the summer clothes are packed away,
it's october the 15th and I long to sit beside a night fire.
The smell of wood burning in the distance,
happiness in the thought of putting in a warm sweater.

Beautiful colors all around and the taste of apple cidar
2 short months to enjoy the wonders of seasons changing
6 months to follow of cold and snow and staying indoors
the days are growing shorter and the stars have become cloud covered

Is love in the air or will the holiday season be spent in solitude again
the year is coming to an end, how fast time does go by
The Sun only turned yesterday and I miss it already
the green is fading to gold and the wind circles round sweeping it away

I love october, it makes me feel like coming home again
and november brings me closer
I love to play in the leaves that are piled up in the yards
I feel like a kid again every time atumn comes around

I feel alive

BEAT

Well I watched the full eclipse of the moon Last night.
It was so beautiful,
It wont happen again until 2008...where do you think you will be then?
It is only 4 years, but so much can happen.
I made a mental note to remember myself sitting on the porch with my roomate and best friend and her husband acting silly and watching this amazing thing.
To remember this in 4 years and measure the changes in our lives when it comes around again.

I will remember that I was sick as a dog, sinus infection, wrapped in a sweater blwoing my nose. My roomate wrapped in a blanket as well as My best friend, and her husband standing in his socks trying to feel as if he belongs (he thinks no one likes him).

Will they still be married? will i still know my roomate?
I look forward to the next 4 years,
watching the eclipse was really more than watching the eclipse

Waltons

Beat, I discovered this board only yesterday, and only saw this thread today. It's an absolutely excellent idea and I'd like to add something I was observing today during a maths test (My mark may display that I should've been working more on the sheet, but how and ever).

People's reactions.

We all knew that the test had been coming, but our teacher is the kind of person who will mention a test and then 'spring' it on us a few weeks later purely because he either forgot to give it before then, or just couldn't be bothered.
He had mentioned the test two weeks ago, and we all knew it was coming but, being the lazy gits we are, hardly anybody had worked for it.

It was about half way through the test and the guy behind me was sighing loudly, dropping his pen onto the desk and muttering under his breath. In front of me was glancing at his hand, on which was scribbled a giant "+C" to remind him not to leave it out at the end of sums.
Various people around the room were attempting to glance sideways at their neighbour's paper, and our maths teacher was up at the front of the room doing the test which we were currently doing.
As for me, I was working at a casual speed, unperturbed by marks or time limit. I tend to saunter along through things, no matter the seriousness.

It really interested me to see how people work under pressure, even a little pressure. There was an entire spectrum of people in our class today. People willing to cheat to do well, people just annoyed or frustrated at the fact that they didn't know anything, people who didn't care, people who didn't seem to care and, of course, the people who knew what they were doing and those who obviously cared.

It took me a while to work out which category I belonged to, but I'm glad I actually thought about it for once rather than just forgetting about it.

trajan

Beat, I really like a lot of these posts of yours. They seem pretty uplifting and are a real pleasure to read. This is a whole good thing you have going on here.
Unfortunately I have nothing to add by way of observation other than all this.

BEAT

I am glad you both found the thread and have contributed. No matter how small

It is important to observe your surroundings and remember them by relaying it to others.
I always remember something more after I have shared it with someone else.

Today I observed a country Divided. Bush is in office for 4 more years of reigning in terror.
I remember 4 years ago when he got in office and I felt the need to flee the country.
I am getting this feeling again,
How can I live in a country that believes in majority that Bush is leading our country in the right direction?
It is unearving and thinking about it too much is too tiring considering I cant do anything about it even though I voted against Bush.

I cant go into detail now about how I feel, only sitting back and reflecting on what he has done and imagining what is to come is what I can do now.

Merelyme

Apologies if I'm doing this all wrong but I'll learn.

I was wondering why the person who has contemplated leaving the US doesn't just pack up and leave. Its been 4 years with another 4 in store.

Hobbes

Its already happening.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=199370

Although US people might be better to move to Ohio.

BEAT

you are welcome to post your comments merelyme but it should be followed up by a thread contribution

I will reply by letting you know that I did flee the States after Bush jr was elected to his first term and found that while I enjoyed being in another country it was not a means to live by. I was unable to live my life because I am a US citizen and that prevented me from being able to work and earn a living. I had to come back but I will not give up.
I do plan on leaving again when I can, when the right doors have been opened for me

In the meantime I am living my life as happily as I can and biding my time until the opportunity presents itself for me to move away.


This brings me to a thought,
Dreams for the future.
Some dreams are better left for dreaming while others keep us going,
if it takes me 10 or 20 years I will keep working towards my dream of living a life outside of the USA. It is not understood by many and some ask why I cant be happy where I am.
I can be happy where I am and I could settle and leave my dream of living abroad for dreaming purposes but where's the adventure in that?

BEAT

I dont normally watch the news because they only choose to show things that shcok and terrify people and I know there is more than that int he world. I did however see the commercial for the news last night and it had a couple stories I was interested in so I watched and my heart was warmed by a local news story.
Without going into detail, a man lost his nose and it took him 12 years to get a surgeon who could replace it, in this time he wore a bandage to cover the hole in his face and lost all self confidence. His wife stood by his side the entire time and now that he finally has a nose again he is beginning to gain his self confidence back.
As simple a thing as going to the store was uplifting because people were not staring at him as if he had "no nose" as it would be. He came home and told the wife...No one was watching me...she said, well why would they? You look normal like everyone else.

The fact that this couple helped each other through this for the last 12 years, wow..thats a long time to deal with something like that!
It made me wonder about relationships again and if they are worth getting into. Sometimes you come across a couple who are not putting on a show of happiness like most do and then go home and fight, you know it when you are around them...this was one of those couples. They truley loved each other and will be together forever...it warmed my heart to see just that.

1 in 2 marriages end in divorce, a shocking reality. So shocking that I decided a while ago that I wouldnt even bother with the mess of it all, seeing friends and family members all unhappy in thier relationships and staying in it because they invested time already...making excuses for be miserable. It is all very unappealing if you ask me.
But then I run into one of these couples who 'found' each other...and you know it was meant to be.
It makes me wonder if I can find a partner that will withstand the test of time.

I dont like to have these thoughts becuase it makes me aware of the odds of my finding a partner in this stage of my life when there are so many younger and more fit girls out there to choose from,
if a man was looking for intellect and compassion I'd be a shoe in ...but the typical man looks for appearance first and while I am not unattractive...I am not a size 2 vixen. I'd like to attract the type of person who was looking for the type of person I am anyway...but how and where?
it's an age old question really, how do you meet the right person...or people?

I am comfortable with who I am and confident in what I do and I think sometimes I can be intimidating but it's who I am and I refuse to play myself down to 'catch' a man. I'd rather be single and adopt kids then get in a relationship with someone who doesnt like my 'person' and then have kids with them getting in even deeper.

So I continue on hoping someday to just run into that person...there isnt any other way anymore...I have exhausted all of the dating schemes out there.

Perhaps a change of atmosphere...literally

fjon

Driving home through the rain and traffic. Radio on. A song I had not heard for a long time: "To The End" by Blur.
It immediately reminded me of something someone once said to me about one of the lyrics. He loved the line "You and I collapsed in love" as it perfectly described a love that was doomed to fail from the start.

An ex girlfriend of mine was not very much into music, let alone lyrics, so the one time she said something about a lyric it stuck in my mind. The chorus of a Stevie Wonder song "I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever" always bugged her. How can you know when you are going to fall in love? And once in love, who doesn't believe it will be forever. And she did have a point.

Lyrics have never meant a huge deal to me, but I used to wish they did. I tried to relate to them when I was younger, but always ended up drawn to the stupider or weird ones (I always liked "a man needs a woman like a fish needs a bicycle"). I do find that not really listening to what someone is singing doesn't detract from my enjoyment of music at all though. I can also happily listen to a song in Spanish or French just as easily as one in English.

BEAT

thanks for the contribution fjon, I'd like to see more people participate

I have been away for a week, In Ireland and London and last night just back in to the states. I was at a point a few hours before my flight where I thought about not getting on the plane. Being back made me feel the memories instead of having them in the back of my mind.
It all came rushing back to me the minute I stepped off the plane...why is it I am not living there still. I could have made a sacrifce of not only my Morals but the Morals of another in order to stay and while the offer was tempting it isnt really fair for me to accept that offer...it would in the end be too selfish.

I told myself if it is meant to be then it will happen naturally and in due time, somehow I think that time has come. I feel like a stranger back home now, as if I have been misplaced on the earth...the feeling I had after coming back the first time over. I feel as though I left my home behind and live in a strange land.

The people I met and friends I have in Ireland are a treasure to me, one I would not trade for any amount of gold. My family in the states though I love them has had 27 years with me and I feel its time to put that distance back between us so I can experience a new life somewhere that I am more at home than I feel at home.

Being back I felt as though the last 2 years hadnt happend, it was as if I never left and this feeling I can not shake. Certain people I spent time with made my heart a little heavier and now I carry thoughts of them with me as a reminder of that which I need to be closer to.
I feel free when I am there...my spirit soars and I am truley myself.

I will have a little help from my friends I hope when it comes to finding that job that will take me in and change my world, I can only hope
For while I look on my own I come to many closed doors and it is always nice to know someone that can lend a hand.

Feeling more comfortable away than you do at home, what is it worth to you? I know there are many places I'd like to see still but I think if I had the chance I'd live in Ireland and branch out from there , keeping my friends close and certain others closer

So for now I keep my memories and hope for the best...I shall come home again soon.

BEAT

I recently experienced something with someone which in retrospect may not have been a great idea but at the time it felt wonderful.
I felt extremely comfortable being with someone I really dont know as well as I'd like to and was very open and quite outspoken...normally I wouldnt act in such a way...but for some reason I felt as though I could say anything...things I wouldnt normally ever say! and did things I have never done before...I was quite outside myself.

Meeting someone in person that you have only known through other means certainly shines a certain light on the situation...Perhaps I should have minded my p's&q's but at the time I felt so free and happy that I didnt think about what I was saying or doing...and this may not have been the best thing to do.
Perhaps so much of 'me' all at once is a bit too much, hahahaha I really do laugh when I think about it because my friends find me quite funny but someone I dont really know might form a different opinion of my behavior...not realising that I will say pretty much anything for a laugh, when I am in the comfort zone with friends.

I dont particularly see anything wrong with being myself, infact there are very few people I can be myself with. I am usually very quiet and reserved around people so when I meet someone I can have fun with and be free with it is quite exhilarating. Not even most of my family has seen that side of me!

Isnt it a wonderful thing to meet someone you can be 'open' with ?

BEAT

I am so in love with life,
yes thats right, with Life. How many people can say that? how many people are truley happy?
I can tell you the exact moment my life changed, the day and time. I was changed forever and the explanation doesnt come easy and few, very few understand it but my life forever changed 3 years ago in November 2001.

I spent many years of my life hating myself and feeling depressed with a racing mind of constant unanswered questions and self defeating thought processes...even at times suicidal thoughts in my teen years.
To be able to see the person I was and who I am today makes me even happier becuase I was ablt to overcome my personal hurdles all on my own, with no help from anyone but myself.

I am a true believer in self help and that everyone has the power to heal themselves, they just have to want it bad enough I think.
I havnt had a depressing thought or negative attitude in 3 years and I dont think I will again.
Sure I have sad thoughts about the world in general and the way politics are killing and separating the human race but it isnt something that is going to drive me madd, there isnt anything I can do about those things so I take it in stride.

Trying to make a difference in other peoples lives is an important goal, giving others a different perspective on things...trying to help them find thier personal way to happiness and contentment.
I have been able to find the good in every situation no matter what and it makes me feel so good, becuase I never thought I would ever be one of those people...
you really cant appreciate the good without having had the bad and I had so much of the bad for 24 years that I honestly cant see it getting any worse.

Life is a beautiful thing, you really can make it what you want, no excuses. I refuse to hear excuses for being miserable...everyone has the power to change thier situation and no matter who I come across I find help them find that way...its up to them if they want it bad enough though.

Life has so much to offer in such a little space of time, go out and grab it...the only way to live is living happily
"sucking the marrow out of life" (dead Poets Society)
Carpe Diem!

You never know what tomorrow will bring,
isnt that great!

MojoMaker

Sadly Ralph Waldo Emerson got here before me...

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."

BEAT

MojoMaker wrote:

Sadly Ralph Waldo Emerson got here before me...

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."

I can not begin to explain how much that moved me...some people are just full of surprises

BEAT

The Holiday season is ever nearing and the stress levels are rising amongst the crowds of shoppers.
Every year it seems to get a little worse, the cheer of the holiday season can only be found in a childs eyes.
I love to see children smiling with hope in thier eyes and a little part of me dies when I see the parent who doesnt even see it...or doesnt seem to care.
I always make a point to smile at the children and they always smile back with a sparkle in thier eye...when I go to a park or party children always flock to me, kids I dont know!
I am always that adult at the parties who is playing with the kids while the adults sit around and gossip...
inventing games and making them laugh, I have so much fun that I feel like a kid myself.
I think kids are intuitive and can tell that not only will i play with them but I listen to them and dont treat them any different than they wish to be treated. Kids need to feel important too, they are just little people and no one likes to feel any less important than anyone else.
I always want to say something when I see some parent in a store or what have you and the way they talk to thier children and treat them...
IMO if they raised the child right in the beginning it wouldnt be neccessary to treat them that way now which is obviously the only way they will respond since they its what they know.

I dont know why I thought about this today except that when you see so many families out shopping for the holidays you tend to see more of this behavior and its sad. It is always nice to see parents with thier kids and they are talking to each other and laughing together...the way it should be.

So happy holidays to those people out there reading and remember...
It's the holiday season, dont lose sight to what is really important!
Love, Love, Love

BEAT

Well I have been unusually over joyed the last couple of days and for several reasons but one in particular.

I kept hoping for something and getting happier the more I thought about it and then it was gone.
sure, it was a bit of a shock to the system but I have so much more to still be happy about and though some of the sparkle has left my eye I still have a bounce to my step.

My heart is happy and hopefull yet, the road infront of me has my twists and turns. There will be many obstacles along the way but I shall greet them with open eyes and out stretched arms for these are lessons to be learned and experiences worth having in my memory banks.

It is unwise for a person to let thier whole world revolve around one particular situation/goal/dream for there are often forks in the road that lead in another direction. Having many dreams and several expectations leaves a person always hopefull and rarely unsatisfied.

The trees will still spring forth the green and the flowers will still bloom, children will be born and the morning will turn into Noon. No matter what the delay or how my heart breaks, I will still wake up to love for another day...I will still breathe and there will always be another road for me to take.

It is a new day full of new possibilities, and I embrace them.

BEAT

It is December 13th and we are getting our first snow storm...meaning it has begun to snow and pile and wont stop snowing for quite a while.

Looking out the window all I can see is white,
The cold is waiting for me when in the night I must go home...
and for 4 more months this I will endure.

It is a beautiful sight to behold,
Being out in it however is a different matter,
when playing it is fun, no worries only snowball throwing
and snowman building,
but driving from a to b has become a different matter all together.

So many people, careless and distracted will lose thier lives and cause the pain and death of countless others...
all just because some snow has gathered,
and under it lays a sheet of ice.

Until christmas arrives I love the snow and it makes me feel like a kid again,
after teh new year has arrived though...I will be counting down the days until it has gone away and the last bit of it has melted away.

I would love to be able to come home for the holidays and play in the snow, but to live through it all winter long is not a desire I hold dear.
Every year I say,
next year I wont be here.

I can only hope that one of these years I will be right

BEAT

I wish I could take a picture for all to see,
the snow is all you can see when you look outside. It is piling high, driving home will be a chore tonight.

It took me 2 1/2 hours to get home last night! I only live 15 minutes away by car! There was no accident holding us up, just people that use some snow as an excuse to drive like an idiot.
It only takes one person to mess the flow of traffic up...
I was pretty calm for the firt 1 1/2 hour then I began to get uneasy...perhaps becuae I was so close to home and yet the traffic was just as dense.
Thoughts of abandoning my car and walking home were looking better and better...but that would just be silly.

Ambulances and police cars were having trouble getting through the traffic jam as well...it's bad when you lived in a congested city full of ignorant people....when I got home there was a foot of snow in the driveway and try as I might I couldnt get my car into the driveway, I finally gave up parked in the street and went inside to blow off some steam.
After yelling for a little bit to my friend about how stupid people are and eating dinner I felt better and all the anger and annoyance went out of my system.
I got back in my car 2 hours later went to the store came back and finally got into the driveway and in the garage.
The rest of my night went by happily.

I meant to shovel the snow but I had to go to a friends house and do some things so tomorrow I will have to get at it since I wont be home tonight...out with some friends after work.

It feels good to get angry sometimes and let it all out of your system...almost cleansing. I feel refreshed today and just overall happy again.

The snow is piling up again and its only tuesday...I am going to have a long week ahead of me I can tell already...but somehow I think I will manage

BEAT

We have had our first snow storm and now for a few days of blue skies and bitter cold...then it starts again.
There is only 9 days till x-mas and I havnt bought a single thing.
I infact wish I didnt have to buy anything and that no one bought anything for me in return...I'd much rather spend time playing games and sharing stories with the family over drinks and goodies.
Its just that I am rather low on funds...if I had planned wisely I'd be happy to buy loads of gifts for everyone.

My recent trip took more out of my wallet than expected so I must rearrange my budget for the holidays. Once I get my bonus I will be in a more happy gift buying mood. It is a shame that we get bogged down with these feelings of "having" to go broke for 1 holiday. Why do people do this to themselves every year?
I will be happy when I have a family of my own and only have to buy for them, as it is now I buy for everyones family because I am single with no kids and I feel it is expected of me. For some reason everyone thinks I have money to blow since I travel and live the single life...I think they miss the point that...I spend my money on travelling and the single life

ahh well, it's one day of the year right? wrong...my family is way too big and the birthdays are like christmas every month! a constant drain on the wallet...I would really love to move away and only be obliged to send a card on birthdays and hellidays, hehehe
Does that sound petty or selfish? I dont know, I am so used to going over the top with everyone and every year trying to do more than I can that I think it has just gotten the best of me.

I buy things all year round for the people I love, why should christmas be such a big deal?
People have lost sight of what christmas really means.

When I was growing up christmas was great, not because of toys and gifts either...I come from a musical family and on christmas and new years the older generation would get out the instruments and begin to play and we would dance and play.
It was great! We even after awhile would go outside and do this traditional hispanic music playing to a friends door.
We went to a friends house and played outside until they opened the doors and let us in and we would drink and play some more....
I treasure those memories.
Sadly the man who we loved so much and who made it all possibly, the glue to the family , my grandfather passed away too young and too many years ago that we havnt had such an event since.

Its really something that one person can make all the difference in a family isnt it?
we all still get together ofcourse, but it isnt the same...it's more quiet,
even with the influx of new grandchildren.

I hope to find a way to get that spirit back into the holidays and get everyone involved again...my dad and I bought a couple of instruments and I think we are going to try a little something this year

So this holiday season...be with the ones you love and remember it isnt what you buy that makes someone happy, its the memories you make

BEAT

So last night I found myself home on a Friday night, a rare occassion indeed I dont remember the last time I was home on a friday night actually.
Everyone had plans already so I figuered I was in for the night.
I called my dads house to see what was happening there and my little sister picked up, said she was there with one of my cousins having a sleep over and that they were bored.
So I gathered up some things and hopped over for some fun.

I showed them how to make paper snowflakes and we used the scrap paper to make a paper chain decoration. We sat there for awhile then my cousins brothers popped up and joined us. We made a bunch of snowflakes and a really long chain.

We then took the decorations and put them up in the house, My Grandmother hadnt put up her tree yet and asked since we were decorating would I like to put up the tree, so I did
We decorated the house last night and the time just flew by.

I was glad the kids were all happy and the night turned out well afterall.
I feel in more of a christmas mood now and plan to make out my shopping list for gifts

It is surprisng how spending one night with kids makes you feel different about things.
I sat there with them thinking about how it will be when I have kids of my own,
and I smiled.

BEAT

Last night was a test indeed,
It all started after I got out of work...
while I am paying a bill a man walks in to the place and asks if there is a YMCA anywhere near because he is homeless and needs a place to stay and hasnt eaten. They tell him the place isnt near and he turns away,
I ask for change to break a bill wehn he walks out the door and go outside to give it to him...I look both directions and he is nowhere to be seen. He just vanished, and I felt sad because I think I should have told him to wait while he was in the store. So I go to get in my car,
on the coldest night we have had yet this winter...my car dies!. I get a battery jump and drive home. I turn off the car and the battery died again...I went and bought a battery and paid my friends uncle to replace the old one.
Finally I go with my cousin to begin my christmas shopping, we went to a store where I usually buy the majority of my gifts,
horrified to find that they have been pretty much cleaned out and there was nothing for anyone on my list. All the while still thinking of the homeless guy.

The whole night gone and atleast I got my car fixed.
My cousins heater fuse blew 4 times that night, so we kept stopping to replace it...I hope she gets that looked at.

I did buy 1 thing for myself, a CD by Andre Rieu
About a week ago I was flipping through the channels and heard this beautiful music on the public tv station. I watched a live concert in Tuscany by this Violinist that I dont believe I have heard before.
I love classical music so I sat back and made out my christmas cards while I listened...and then,
He began to play a song that made me drop my pen and sit still so as to not miss a single chord.
I felt tears begin to well in my eyes and my heart felt heavy...
It was the most beautiful sound I think I have ever heard.
The name of the song, 'Te Amo' ( I Love You)
he wrote this song with his brother about the town in Itlay Cortona,Tuscany.
If this town inspired such a beautiful soul moving piece I can only hope to one day go there.

Have you ever heard something so beautiful it went through you and all your emotions went up in a whirlwind?
Music moves me this way, there are certain pieces that make me feel this way... Beethoven's 2nd, Barber's Adagio, Rodrigo, and now Rieu's I Love You.

What a perfect way to end the night, falling asleep to beautiful music...
how wonderful to have something that can take away anything negative and make anything Lovley,
something that can make you feel like living and dying and living again.

I wish it were that simple for those people to find comfort and solice who are less fortunate.
Somehow I think a beautiful song would not ease the suffering of that Homeless man...what could I do that would?
I am not rich and I dont have much but I wish I had offered to give him a ride to a shelter...as dangerous as it sounds and as afraid as I would have been.
I wish he had stayed around for a minute longer,
why does this bother me so...
maybe its because christmas is around the corner and its so cold outside
I wish I could do so much, if only I had the means.

SO for now until I find the answer, I play my music and get lost in its beauty.