Think you will like this

sci0x

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words
back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials
of
a
few people who did....



> > I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
>
>asked
> > loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
>turned
> > around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say
>a
> > word...he knew better.
> >
> >
> >
> > I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
>was
> > unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
>several
> > minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
> > works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without
>thinking,
> >
> > I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
> >
> >
> >
> > >My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
>variety
> > of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
>behind
> > the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
>looking
>at
> > your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,
>
>and
> > turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let
>me
> > forget.
> >
> >
> >
> > While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
>release
>some
> > pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
>after
> > receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
>her
>that
> > if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To
>my
> > horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
>threatening,
> > "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw
>you
> > kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after
>
>this
> > enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
>I
> > mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with
>my
> > daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
>me
>were
> > screams of laughter.
> >
> >
> >
> > Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
>three-year-old
> > son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
>constantly.
> > One day we stopped at Taco Bellfor a quick lunch in
> > between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
>enjoying
> > my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
> > seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
>Danny
>had
> > not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go,
>and
>he
> > said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident,
>
>and
>I
> > don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE
>you
> > didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must
>
>have
> > had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I
>asked
>one
> > more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped
>up,
>yanked
> > down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM,
>
>IT'S
> > JUST FARTS!!"
> >
> > While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He
>calmly
> > pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better
>by
> > thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
> >
> >
> >
> > This had most of the state of Michiganlaughing for 2 days and a very
> > embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
>before
> > she speaks What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a
>
>true
> > story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
>supposed
>to
> > have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
>where's
> > that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
> >
> > Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
>
>were
> > laughing so hard!

TheSonOfBattles

Originally posted by sci0x
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob,
where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Am I the only one who thinks of the 2 reporters from Family Guy whenever I hear this story?

Good stories btw, made me larf.

phreak

Originally posted by TheSonOfBattles
Am I the only one who thinks of the 2 reporters from Family Guy whenever I hear this story?

nope. makes me think of family guy too

i think i saw a video clip of that news slip up a while ago.

Töpher

Me thinks of Family Guy too! Then again I always think of it!

kmart6

lol,there al good,especially the last one

quank

lol
that last one is excellent!

UnrealQueen

they're brill:)

unkel

Originally posted by sci0x
I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

OMG -

Pugsley

son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him
constantly.



Didnt even need a punch line for that one........ filthy woman

Mossy Monk

all very good. that last one reminds me of Family Guy too

powerage22

lol:D

gobby

seen these before. good though...

lacuna

lol!!

they're excellent!!!

bigtimecharlie

When Ulrika Johnson started in T.V. she presented the weather on TVam ( I think). It was being presented by Richard Keyes ( Soccer presenter on SKY). There was a funny piece on the new's and just as he handed over to Ulrika, he said "Did you enjoy that?". Without thinking she replied...................

"Not as much as I enjoyed it last night!!!!!!!!"