Funniest Gripe Form Ever

Carlitos

Qantas Airlines after every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe
> >sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the
> >aircraft
> >during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and
> >correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the
> >form what remedial action was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
> >before the next flight.
> >
> >Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
> >humour.
> >Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
> >submitted
> >by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the
> >way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
> >
> >
> >
> >(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
> >
> >(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
> >
> >
> >
> >P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> >
> >S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> >
> >S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: Something loose in cockpit.
> >
> >S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> >
> >S: Live bugs on back-order.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> >
> >S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> >
> >S: Evidence removed.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> >
> >S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> >
> >S: That's what they're there for.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: IFF inoperative.
> >
> >S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> >
> >S: Suspect you're right.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: Number 3 engine missing.
> >
> >S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: Aircraft handles funny.
> >
> >S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: Target radar hums.
> >
> >S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> >
> >
> >
> >P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
> >on something with a hammer.
> >
> >S: Took hammer away from midget.
> >
> >
> >P: Mouse in cockpit.
> >
> >S: Cat installed.
> >

uberwolf

good, but old.

The_Goose

Originally posted by Carlitos
> >P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> >
> >S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> >
> >
> >P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
> >on something with a hammer.
> >
> >S: Took hammer away from midget.
> >

My faves excellent made me chuckle

quank

Originally posted by Carlitos
> >
> >
> >P: Something loose in cockpit.
> >
> >S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> >
> >

lol, gas

JackKelly

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

v good!

Capt'n Midnight

So old... but golden

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

kmart6

rofl,there all brill

the_syco

Originally posted by Carlitos
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

Truely class

oneweb

Originally posted by Carlitos

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

ROTFL, excellent

UnrealQueen

They're not supposed to be real are they?

Tyrrial

Originally posted by the_syco
Truely class

indeed it is

SpankyFart

pfff who is bored enough to make up this stuff :dunno:

kmart6

Originally posted by UnrealQueen
They're not supposed to be real are they?

Put you off flying again would'nt it!!!!!!!!

oddlyaromatic

Surely this can't be the first wind you've gotten that maybe flying's not a great idea, kmart6? It's the guns and dodgy food that did it for me.

Great lines though .