The Return of the King - Survival tips

Kastro

For those of you planning on seeing the third Lord Of The
Rings movie here are some
survival tips. Or if you have seen it too many times.. heres how to make it more interesting..!


1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"

2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

3. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.

4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."

5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.

6. Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts

7. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."

8. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians

9. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

10. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.

11. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.

12. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"

13. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins

14. In The Two Towers when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"

15. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.

16. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Wally?"

17. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.

18. After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."


ehhh
ehhhhhh????

Mr E

Aaah brilliant..... Did Gandalf go to Hogwarts?

- Dave.

Grom

hrmmm this has been posted twice in the last week if i remember correctly

ixoy

Bit late for this, isn't it? I saw that mail when the movie came out - over a month ago!!!

anthonymcg

I've seen it twice now. Wanted to shout 'DING-DONNGG' when they went up to the Black Gate to confront the armies of Mordor.

UnrealQueen

No.16 is the best:D

inaccessibleisl

Am I the only one who thinks LOTR is a load of shyte? And that people who know character names and refer to people in the real world to the names of fictional childish monsters are complete and utter nerdalingers?
Best thing you should do during LOTR3 is to get up and walk out. Walk upto the ticketwoman and tell her there is a man following you and to call the police, but tell them to be nonchalant as this man has a gun and will kill anyone who dares stop him. Tell her to mind this precious tiny diamond, which is wrapped in a tissue. Unbeknowst to her, all it is is a snot. More entertainment will be derived from this short, pointless act of lunact than 3 fuggin hours of arse-cramping, feet skicking, mind numbing trash about people who want to get their finger up some old man's ring.

angelofdeath

this is about the 5875238753287544254892th time this has been posted

kaimera

see on bash.org months ago

quank

funny..... however...... sounds like a skangers holiday to the cinema tbh

PS
inaccessibleisl, your poo

Raphael

Originally posted by inaccessibleisl
Am I the only one who thinks LOTR is a load of shyte?

You are. Lord of the rings is something greater than anything your feeble brain can comprehend.



Go back to your hole

Vader

Very good, brilliant even

Vader

Originally posted by Raphael
You are. Lord of the rings is something greater than anything your feeble brain can comprehend.



Go back to your hole

Raphael

does that mean you agree with me vader?

Vader

Yes, and that I thought it was funny

niallith

haha thats v good the wheres wally 1 is good

Evac101

Heh, doesn't anyone else think that 'inaccessibleisl' is funny? I mean, anyone who is petty minded enough to try to put down something which so many enjoy but hasn't got the conviction to use their normal profile on boards to do so, has to be worth laughing at:)

Inaccessibleisl - if you want to start a flame war (which seems to be your desire) use your usual login so that we can know who we're insulting - no fun otherwise!

zAbbo

Originally posted by inaccessibleisl
Am I the only one who thinks LOTR is a load of shyte?

While i didnt particularly like the films(only seen first 2), It`s just not my type of film

TheSonOfBattles

I agree in some respects. Lord of the Rings isn't that great. Its a good film, and I enjoyed it, but its not the precious gold Rapheal is making it out to be. It isn't that great, don't down on someone just because he didn't enjoy it, and insinuate that he's a moron, and beneath you, and people who "get" the film just because he didn't like it. It does drag at times, the 3rd one wasn't as good as the other two, and he's entitled to his opinion.

Raphael

I'm not referring to just the LOTR movies, i mean LOTR as a whole, books, hobbit simarrillion, created languages.

Just to clarify.

Movies rocked too

TheSonOfBattles

I'm a big fan of fantasy fiction books, and i'll be honest here, I HATE Tolkien's books. Read them when I was like 9 or 10 and haven't been able to reread them since. They're crap books, they translated well to film thanks to good talent behind the project, and made a good action film, but one of the reason was all the annoying crappy songs were cut out along with Tom bombadil and some other stuff.

Raphael

Whatever, I dont wanna start a flame war, you're all entitled to your own opinion, im just in a pi55y mood atm

Peace love and broccolli to you all

Raph

Evac101

Just to clarify - I wasn't deriding the persons views, I was deriding the fact that they didn't have the guts to use their normal profile to do so:)

projectmayhem

lotr is a brilliant film and it's sad that people here are reducing it to a flame war. those "guidelines" are very funny, but old... way too old, but good nonetheless

Drex

ffs, this is the humor pages

Agent7249

Originally posted by Raphael
Whatever, I dont wanna start a flame war, you're all entitled to your own opinion, im just in a pi55y mood atm

Peace love and broccolli to you all

Raph

Broccolli kills, watch the simpsons