Become a Contractor.(Re: The Sunscreen Song)

Hobbes

Become a Contractor.(Re: The Sunscreen Song)

Everyone has the right to rip people off. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, contracting would be it. The long-term benefits of contracting have been consistently misunderstood by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own 9-5 experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your ability to seem competent. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty ability to seem competent until it's faded.

But trust me, in 5 years, you'll look back at timesheets you wrote and marvel at your ability to make up work, **** off permanent employees and how much fun it really was.

You are not as greedy as you imagine.

Don't worry about where the next contract is coming from. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as pretending you have some technical ability.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your greedy mind, like the realisation there will only be one Year 2000 on some idle Tuesday.

Increase your hourly rate every day to a level that scares someone.

Program badly.

Be reckless when writing code for other people. Don't put up with people who know what they're doing.

Lie.

Don't waste your time on technical facts. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's your pocket that is bulging.

Make up contracts you received. Forget the disasters.

If you succeed in doing this, become a Consultant. Keep your old timesheets. Throw away your code.

Steal code.

Don't feel guilty if you steal someone else code. The most wealthy people I know at 22 don't know how to Program.
Some of the richest 40-year-olds steal other peoples GUIs..

Get plenty of contracts. Be kind to your employer. You'll miss them when they're gone bust.

Maybe it'll compile, maybe it won't. Maybe you'll pay tax, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll own 6 cars, 10 PCs and still be technically brain-dead on your 35th birthday.

Whatever you do, congratulate yourself far too much and pretend to be a guru. Your choices are totally money influenced. So are everybody else's.


Enjoy someone else's wallet. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what you can suck from it It's probably the only time you're happy.

Secretly ask for stock options, even if you don't deserve them. Tell the permanent employees you got them.

Do not read programming magazines, they just confirm you're stupid.

Get to know your employer. You never know when you'll have to tap them for some more cash.

Be nice to your accountant. They're your best bet to avoiding Tax.

Understand that contracts come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to prolong and extend theses contract, because the older you get, the harder it will be to tell bare faced lies.

Write in VB once, but stop before it makes you a ponce. Write in COBOL once, but stop before you crack up.

Kiss ass.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Hourly rates will rise. Permanent employees will hate you. You too will be shown up a 22 year old geek. And when you do, you'll fantasise that when you wrote a line of code, it compiled, you could understand it, "Hello world" linked and ran ... Kill that f*6king geek..

Don't expect anyone else to fill in you timesheet..

Maybe all good programmers are to busy writing documentation. Maybe you're employer is desperate. But you never know when either one might might wake up and smell the coffee.

Don't mess too much with Java or by the time you're 25 you will look like a ****. Be careful whose Java you use, but be patient with those who supply it, the US court will decide for you.

Object Oriented software is a form of rip-off. Dispensing it is a way of prolonging contracts and charging more, ensuring a constant cash flow, painting over the **** code and re-selling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the contracting.

tobybinns

Mate, your take on "The Sunscreen Song" is the best take I have ever read! Why couldn't this have been more fully publicised?

I understand this thread is over a decade old, but I thought that your take on "The Sunscreen Song" still deserves the praise it never got, regardless of it's age!

Pushtrak

Cliffnotes?

mfceiling

This has to be a record for replying to an almost dead thread...

Pushtrak

Didn't even notice how much of a necro poster #2 is. That's sick. Necro stuff is not on. Tampering with rotting posts like that. Shame.

Tesco Massacre

Programming? Writing code? Contracts? Stock options?

None of this stuff applies to me. I bid you good day.

Archeron

First the events in Miami, now this. Head for the hills people.

Mr. Manager

Holy shít, this is an old thread....

grindle

tobybinns wrote: »

Mate, your take on "The Sunscreen Song" is the best take I have ever read! Why couldn't this have been more fully publicised?

I understand this thread is over a decade old, but I thought that your take on "The Sunscreen Song" still deserves the praise it never got, regardless of it's age!

Wow, all that overwhelming gratitude, and you didn't even thank his post.
What have we become?

Pushtrak

grindle wrote: »

Wow, all that overwhelming gratitude, and you didn't even thank his post.
What have we become?

It occurs to me, he can't. Not till he has more posts.

grindle

Pushtrak wrote: »

It occurs to me, he can't. Not till he has more posts.

Shiit! That's his first post?
Hobbes? Is that you?

Pushtrak

Tis Calvin.

tobybinns

I wonder if anybody else here can do a good take on "The Sunscreen Song"?

I have some good ideas for takes on "The Sunscreen Song", but I am worried that they may not be suitable for posting on these forums.

Lyaiera

tobybinns wrote: »

I wonder if anybody else here can do a good take on "The Sunscreen Song"?

I have some good ideas for takes on "The Sunscreen Song", but I am worried that they may not be suitable for posting on these forums.

"Don't worry. Be happy."

telekon

There's a disgusting musty smell in here.


The OP must have hoped this thread would never be resurrected considering the original response it got...:D

biko

Don't bring back old threads thanks.
And thanks to Hobbes for that lovely rendition.