More Kerryman Jokes

UnrealQueen

A Kerryman phoned the cops and told them to come immediately because the steering wheel, the gear lever, the clutch, the brake and the accelerator of his car had all been stolen.
A few minutes later he rang again and told them not to bother coming because he had got into the back seat by mistake.


Two Kerrymen are on a train.
"Surely I know you", said the first Kerryman, "didn't we meet in Dublin about three years ago?"
"I've never been to Dublin", said the second Kerryman.
"Neither have I", said the first Kerryman, "it must have been two other fellows".


A Kerryman rushed into a police station and told the sergeant that his car had just been stolen.
"Did you get a good look at the thief?" the sergeant asked.
"No," said the Kerryman, "but i got his number".


A Kerryman visited a library and asked the assistant if he could recommend any plays for him to read.
"How about Shakespeare?" asked the assistant.
"I'll give him a try", said the Kerryman, so the assistant gave him The Complete Plays of William Shakespeare.
Next day he returned saying that he had read the book and enjoyed it immensely.
"Do you have any more plays by the same author?" he asked the assistant.
For a joke, the assistant gave him the telephone directory to take home, so when the Kerryman returned two days later the assistant asked him if he had enjoyed it.
"Well", said the Kerryman, "I didn't think much of the plot, but oh boy, what a cast".


A Martian landed in West Kerry right beside a farmer digging in a field.
"Take me to your leader", said the Martian, "I'm from Mars".
"I'm very pleased to meet you," said the Kerryman, "I've often meant to write and tell you how much I enjoy your chocolate bars".


"My wife is most unreasonable", a Kerryman told a marriage counsellor.
"Could you give me an example of her behaviour?" asked the counsellor.
"Yes", said the Kerryman, "only the other night I was having a bath when she burst into the bathroom and sank all my toy boats".


A Kerryman arrived home late one night in a state of more than mild intoxication. "Where have you been?" asked his wife. "I don't know", said the Kerryman, "but wherever it was it was terribly posh - they even had a golden toilet".
Next morning a fellow called round looking for compensation for his damaged saxaphone.


A Kerryman was doing an examination to join the Civil Service. One question read:
Give first names of each of the the following, STALIN, HITLER and GANDHI.
The Kerryman wrote:-
"I don't know about the first two but the answer to the third is Goosey Goosey".

A Kerryman was on the mailboat to Holyhead when a man fell overboard.
"Help", he shouted as he struggled in the water, "drop me a line!"
"I can't", said the Kerryman, "I don't know your address".


"Did you hear the sad story about poor McCarthy?" one Kerryman asked another. "No", said the second Kerryman, "what happened to him?"
"A big steam hammer dropped forty fet onto his chest and killed him".
"I'm not surprised", said the second Kerryman, "McCarthy always has a weak chest".

Töpher

Haha! Most of them kicked ass! Brilliant!

The_Goose

keep em coming!

OmegaRed

One day the Kerry Lord Mayor and the Cork Lord Mayor meet. The Kerry Lord Mayor says to the Cork Lord Mayor “You know something, I’m very angry that Cork people are always mocking us Kerry man” To which the Cork Lord Mayor replies “Ah that’s only because ye always do stupid things”

After much debate on the topic the Cork Lord Mayor turns to the Kerry Lord Mayor and says “Ok so, Cork people will do something stupid and ye can mock us” The Kerry Lord mayor agrees but asks what they will do. “I’ll get the Cork Corporation build a bridge in the desert and because its so pointless and stupid ye can mock us about it forever! The Kerry lord Mayor agrees.

A few Months later the Kerry Lord Mayor is sitting in his office and the phone rings! “We finished the bridge, You can come and mock us about it no!” The Cork Lord Mayor says. So the Kerry Lord mayor gets all his friends and random people from the county and goes to the desert where the bridge has been built.

“HA, look at the state of that. Those idiots from Cork built a Bridge in the middle of the dessert.” After they all get a great kick out of mocking all the Cork people the Kerry Lord mayor turns to the Cork Lord Mayor and says “Ok So lads, We’ve had our fun, U can tear the bridge down now!” To which the Cork Lord Mayor replies. “We Can’t!” “Why not?” asks the Kerry Lord Mayor

The Cork Lord Mayor Replies “Because, there’s a Kerry man fishing off it!”

quank

haha
all great
like that last one too