Culchie's V's the Dubs

daosulli

Heard at a recent GAA match between Dublin & Donegal
(to the tune of Country House by Blur):

He lives in a house, a very big house, he's a culchie
Puts cabbage on his bread, has a big mutton head, he's from culchie.
He doesn't pay tax, he wears dirty kaks, he's from culchie.
He doesn't have a shed, he has a barn instead, He's a culchie

To which the Donegal fans responded ...........

She lives in a flat, a very small flat, She's a jackeen,
Takes all manner of pills, nicks cash from tills, she's a jackeen.
She doesn't do a thing, she wears a sovereign ring, she's a jackeen.
Her sister is worse, she keeps spare knickers in her purse, she's a jackeen."

bizmark

Fecking great

Tivoli

lol, very good

The_Goose

Heard before still good though!

Humphrey

:-)

Mossy Monk

g'wan teh culchies

Yavvy

w'an the dubs

Barn dwelling, cabbage eaters

full forward

HA ha tis true
all dubs are lowlife

adonis

i reckon we should issue them with passports, country folk
and give them a finite amount of times they can visit "the big shmoke" in a year.
we should have a wall (berlin / israel) patrolled by angry dubs to shoot all the refugee culchies..
this would surely sort our unemployment problem (angry dubs being the guards)
crime (they wouldnt be shooting each other)
and our immigration problem (culchies coming into dublin)

in return for this the country women should offer themselves to us dublin lads for reproduction and concubinism...

do they not do that already?

all in agreement

Yavvy

aye

projectmayhem

lmao

Cable

rofl...
brilliant

IgnatiusJRiley

Originally posted by adonis

this would surely sort our unemployment problem (angry dubs being the guards)

Spose, there has to be some job dubs/skangers are fit for

lukeUCD

ha ha that was brilliant

kmart6

Brilliant

g'wan the Culchie's

stormkeeper

That was hilarious!

UnrealQueen

Up the culchies!

Agent7249

Good culchies go bragh :ninja:

daosulli

Look what happens when you shout Anto in the Northside ....................:D

Barbie_666

Originally posted by full forward
HA ha tis true
all dubs are lowlife

He he he!!!:D

quank

lol
very good

spare knickers:p

derek23

Culchie's V's the Dubs

Here is how the culiches clean there arse!!

The_Goose

RULES FOR BEEN A DUB

#Call your mother "aul one" and your father "aul lad"
#Possess bum fluff on upper lip. (also applies to "young ones")
#Social life revolve around "Doctor Quirkey's, de "Harp" or De Bookies.
#Always have a 10 box of "johnny blue" on you.
#Faded blue levi's rammed up the arse must be worn sometimes accompanied by the raggedy yellow or orange Asics / Le Coq Sportif tracksuit top..
#Enormous sovereign rings worn on every finger. For the girls large and studded hoopy earrings are your only man.
#Diamond jumpers and Scanda Jacket essential part of wardrobe. These compliments the tracksuits down to a tee.
#Lots of experience in sitting down back of bus and terrorising people as well as graffitti on seats. Standing at the door of the Dart and wishing your wares upon 'every bitta skert' that comes near you has also been known to be popular.
#Posters of Tupac to be placed on bedroom wall. For girls David Beckham or Ronan #Keating will suffice.
#Always carry a packet of Rizla.
#Portrait of Arse embedded into at least one corner wall.
#Chain hanging out over jumper.
#Know the Macari's Takeaway menu off by heart.
#Be mates with a Doyler, Rayo, Whacker, Git or Mousey.
#Girls are all called Natalie, Jasinteh, Janet, Imeldeh, Maggie, Sharon or Tracey. Not that some of these aren't nice names but when said with an accent from the 'Mun you could cut bread with, then they take on another significance.
#Moped essential as is driving around with the helmet on top of the head.
#Pram and small child essential for the young up and coming knackerette.
#Spit on pavement at least every three seconds.
#All your relatives live on the same street.
#Nearest thing to nature you have been is swimming and fishing in Canal or swearing at culchies when they come up "from the ****hin country".
#Copy of the Sun in back pocket at all times.
#Pretend to follow League of Ireland football but only go for the fights.
#Celtic jersey with own name on the back.
#Constantly have scowl on your face.
#"Buuurdd" must be at least "preggers" or have a "little ****er".
#Rotweiller essential to keep up the hardman image and tell people who even look crossways at it that you'll "bate de fuchkin bollix off them, you English pox" even if they're from Cabinteely.
#City center consists of Henry and O Connell streets - the odd venture to Donnybrook kiddies disco for the "oul soft roide" is necessary at least once a month. #Get extra points for shagging your mates motts and your cousins at these events.
#Left school before 16.
#Time spent from June to October is collecting for bonfire.
#House called something imaginative like "Celticsville".
#Name written on at least ten lamposts around your house. i.e. Anto=a queer or Natalie=is a man.
#Shrill whistle at everyone and walk with arms swinging and exaggerated limp. #Common greetings called out to friends include "Stary?" or "Ahh rihe Shaymo?"
#Name must end with an o at the end. Example - Anto, Rayo,Pado, Micko and with and ie sound for the girls - Nahalie, Tracey
#Summer holidays are always in Courtown and you think its the best ting since sliced bread.

The_Goose

Save as a house in dublin!!
Anto needed a present for his buurd!!

derek23

Here is a lovley couple of culchies on there way back from Croke park!!:D

The_Goose

A Dublin girl is involved in a nasty car crash. She's trapped and bleeding a bit, but otherwise okay. The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: "It's okay, I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions."

Girl: "Alright."

Medic: "What's your name?"


Girl: "Tracey"


Medic: "Okay Tracey, where are you bleeding from?"



Girl:"Coolock."

---

A Northsider walked into the local FAS office, marched straight

up to the counter and said "Howya bud, I'm lookin' for a job.".

The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've just

got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur for his

daughter.

You'll have to drive around in a big black mercedes, uniform provided.

Because of the long hours of this job meals will also be provided and

once a year you will also be required to escort the young lady on her

overseas holiday. The salary package is 200,000 euro a year.".

The Northsider said "Nah, you're bull****ting me!".

The man behind the counter said "Well you ****in' started it!".

---

At the end of a bar is a huge Ballymun bloke - 6ft 5 and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well-dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him.

After three or four pints the queer fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Ballymunner. Leaning over towards the Ballymunner he whispers, "Do you want a blow-job?" At this the massive Ballymunner leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face, knocking him swiftly off the stool. He proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar before leaving him bruised and battered in the car park and returning to his seat.


Amazed, the barman quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that, " he says, "just what did he say to you?"

"I'm not sure", the big Ballymunner replies indignantly, "something about a job".

---

Mick from Ballymun was unemployed last September and was upset with the tragic events that happened on Sept 11th. Unable to donate money to the charities that sprung up, but nevertheless wanting to help in some way.

He managed to get himself over to New York and turned up at 'ground zero'. He asked if he could help in any way. The chief told him to 'sign in' and take a shovel and a pick and help one of the digging teams. A month later word spread around that George Bush had arrived on site and that he wanted to meet the volunteers. They all lined up.

George shook the first man's hand, asked him his name and where he was from. "I'm Carl from Cleveland" said the first guy. "Well Carl, its so good to have you here and I want you to let everyone in Ohio know just how grateful we are that Ohio men and women have came to help New York in its time of need. Thank you and well done."


He went to the next guy. "I'm Chuck and I'm from Orlando." "Good to meet you too Chuck, thanks for your help, and again, I want you to thank all the guys and girls from Florida who have come to help here at ground zero."


Then he came to Mick. "Hello there. I'm Mick and I'm from Ballymun." A little confused George said: "Good to meet you Mick, what state is Ballymun in?"
"Jaysus, much the same as here" he answered.

---

A barman was washing his glasses, when an elderly Galwegian came in.
With great difficulty, he hoisted his bad leg over the bar stool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of whiskey. He looked towards the end of the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?"


The bartender nodded, so the Galwegian told him to give Jesus a whiskey, too. The next patron to come in was an ailing Meathman with a hunched back, who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a pint of Guinness.


He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting at the end of the bar. The bartender nodded, so he said to give Him a Pint of Guinness, too.


The third patron to enter the bar was a Dublin northsider, who swaggered
into the bar and yelled, "Alrigh' Bud, give us a pint a'cider. Hey,is
tha' Jaysus over thair?" The barman nodded, so the northsider told him to give Jesus a pint of cider too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Galwegian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Galwegian felt the strength comeback to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door.


Jesus touched the Meathman and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Meathman felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door.

Jesus walked towards the northsider, but the northsider jumped back and shouted, "Don't f***in' touch me bud! I'm on disability benefit!"

daosulli

Originally posted by Manticore


A Northsider walked into the local FAS office, marched straight up to the counter and said "Howya bud, I'm lookin' for a job.".

Dubs react to the news that they have to work ....

MarinoMark

I am only reading 2004 threads now....sad

Rabies

MarinoMark wrote:

I am only reading 2004 threads now....sad

Please don't bump old threads.