good one

The_Goose

Melbourne Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Mick, a big Cork man, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery. Mick, like most Cork men, had little sense, but seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the Zoo administrators thought they might have the solution.

Mick was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500 Mick showed some interest, but said that he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Mick announced that he would accept their offer, only under 3 conditions:

"First," he said, " I don't want to have to kiss her."

"Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this".

The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.

Well," said Mick, " You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."



Aspiring Irish psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes at Trinity.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Cork,

"What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Galway.

"Elation," she said.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Limerick, "How about the opposite of woe?"

The man replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up'."



An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes, the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing. "Well," he explained, "by rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and
Gentlemen".

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin. When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. He said: "By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying -
Dear Ladies and Gentlemen".

The Irishman thought to himself I'll go even one more better and got up to make his speech and started by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.
When he finished, his colleagues asked him what on earth he was doing.
He explained: "By imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying - Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."

quank

LOL!
the first one and last one are great :D:D

UnrealQueen

They're all good!