some old some new

malico · 16-03-2004 7:58pm #1

These three English guys are out drinking one night and decide that
they want to have a fight. They stagger from pub to pub looking for
a likely victim to pick on when they come across a single Irishman
in this one bar.
"Watch this." Says the first Englishman, heading over toward the
guy, "I here that St Patrick was a shift lifter."
"Really." Says the Irishman, calmly continuing to drink.
With that the second English guy decides to join in, "Yeah, and here
he was a pervert too."
"Is that so?" the still calm Irishman responds.
"I know how to rile this tosser." Says the third Englishman,
staggering toward the Irishman, "Hey, did you know St Patrick was
really an Englishman?"
The Irish guy casually looks up and says, "Yeah, so your mates were
telling me."

Three mice were sitting at a bar talking about how tough they were.
The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for
fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab
the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams
another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take
those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the
fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot. The third mouse
slams a shot, gets up, and walks away.
The first two mice look at each other, then turn to the third mouse
and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"
The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to shag the cat."

A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her
name tattooed on his penis. Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was
done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you
could see was W Y.
Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in
Jamaica the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to
him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis. The American
said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"
The Jamaican replied, "No, Mr. that says Welcome to Jamaica Have a
Nice Day".

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender
finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to
leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time,
same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air
and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides
to crawl the 4 miles home and when he arrives at the door he stands
up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his
bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up.
This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls
right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the
pillow.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting
at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"What makes you say that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look.
"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."