Ian Paisley

Oriel

There are reports coming in from the BBC that the Rev Ian Paisley is suffering from an alcohol problem.
He was last seen running around Stormont shouting "Where's MacGuinness? Where's MacGuinness?!?!"

alleepally

groan.

Glyn

Ian Paisley goes to Doctors office:

Ian: Doctor, every time I look in the mirror, I become sexualy aroused, and get an errection.

Doctor: Thats because you're a cnut

ferdi

pure genius:D

alleepally

Like it! laughed out loud at that one!

Glyn

Another favorite of mine:


Top Ten Uses for an Englishman:


Actually, there's only 7 uses. (They're just not that useful.)

1. Use them as land-fill.
2. Use them for researching the explosive dynamics of Irish Semtex.
3. Recycle your nation's urine by labeling it "Affordable Beer Six-pack" and exporting it to the UK.
4. Use them as Presidential lapdogs and mascots.
5. Cover your nation's disease-infected chickens with curry sauce and sell it to them as fine cuisine.
6. Throw a football among a crowd of them and watch them riot.
7. Have a good laugh at their Queen-worshipping tendencies (ironically, a system of rule which was designed to exclude them and relegate them as 'commoners').

Oriel

While my original joke was purely in humour, I'm not liking where the rest of the thread is going.
Back to humour please.

Glyn

point taken, I have nothing against english people, but slagging them gives me an enormus sense of well-being.

Glyn

point taken, I have nothing against english people, but slagging them gives me an enormous sense of well-being:D

Exit

old one: Ian Paisley died today when his car hit a tree. Police suspect that the IRA planted it.

Glyn

IAN PAISLEY GOES TO HEAVEN:

Paisley died and went to heaven. When he got there he knocked long and hard on the pearly gates. St.Peter came out and asked his name.

YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME ? I'M THE REV. IAN PAISLEY He roared at St. Peter. St. Peter looked at his list and could not find his name. Sorry said St.Peter you're not on the list.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT ON THE LIST??? DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM? As a matter of fact I do, said St. Peter, but your name is not on the list, THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH I'M A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON MY NAME SHOULD BE ON THE LIST. St. Peter tried to explain that it's not easy to get into heaven, that you have to be a Catholic. When Paisley hears this he starts to complain. So St. Peter says that had he had been good to Catholics he would have some chance.

WELL, roared Paisley, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN VERY GOOD TO CATHOLICS, WHY ONLY TWO WEEKS AGO I MET A YOUNG GIRL WHO HAD MADE HER COMMUNION AND I GAVE HER A POUND AND TWO WEEKS BEFORE I MET A YOUNG BOY WHO HAD MADE HIS COMMUNION AND I HAVE HIM A POUND, NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY NOW MR. ST. PETER!

St. Peter took a few notes on what he said. He told Paisley to wait that he would have to go and talk to GOD and get some advice. About ten minutes later St. Peter come out and said to Paisley, HERE'S YOUR TWO POUNDS BACK, NOW FCUK OFF.

UnrealQueen

Love Sinecure's one:D

Len_007

:dunno:

cujimmy

Last night I saw 5 guys attack and beat up an Englishman. When the police asked me why I didnt help, I told them that I thought 5 was enough

Tyrrial

i thought Glyn's joke was good

Villain

Brit bashing you can't beat it!!.

This is old:

Paisley gets knocked down during a riot and ends up in a coma, he stays in the coma for 15 years.

After which time he wakes up with his son beside him, he grabs the son and says what the story up here.

Son:Well dad I have some bad news and some good news.

Ian:Whats the bad news?

Son: Well dad theres an United Ireland!

Ian: **** that, what else?

Son:Gerry is the Taoiseach

Ian:OMFG what's teh good news??

Son:Rangers beat Celtic last week.

Ian: Ah thank god for small mery's, what was the score??

Son: 1-8 to 9 points!!

da_deadman

I hope Ian Paisley is not a member of boards, he might not be happy if he sees this thread

quank

Originally posted by Exit
old one: Ian Paisley died today when his car hit a tree. Police suspect that the IRA planted it.

LOL
hahah, jesus_thats_gre

"Last night I saw 5 guys attack and beat up an Englishman. When the police asked me why I didnt help, I told them that I thought 5 was enough"

thought that was brilliant aswell! :D:D

mang87

Originally posted by Glyn
Ian Paisley goes to Doctors office:

Ian: Doctor, every time I look in the mirror, I become sexualy aroused, and get an errection.

Doctor: Thats because you're a cnut

Heh, almost wet myslef