Billy Connolly's 'Did You Ever Wonder?'

Deadstar

Hi, I thought that this may entertain some of you decent folk on Boards.ie...
ENJOY!!!:D

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things and drink whatever comes out"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its bum"

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent person would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does your Obstetrician/Gynaecologist leave the room if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blindpeople see their dreams? Do they dream??

If Wile E. Coyote from Road Runner had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizs are quizzical, then what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operateds by a mouse?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on...

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive fast?

Hope you enjoyed this!

zAbbo

more washed up crap, been emailed to death with this for last 6 years.

Been on boards we well - http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=132446

Panda

Deadstar. Post count = 3

Be gentle with the noobs, for they know not what they do.......

Kermitt

Yehhs gentle...........NO!!
As a die hard Connolly fan i have to give out here. You cannot take Billy Connolly jokes ot of context, cos then they're just one liners, and thats not Billy Connolly. Its the stories that go on for 5 days and the mans physical appearance and expressions that make him irresistably funny. So much so that you roll on the floor laughing.(really-- not a figure of speech)
Sorry for ranting - but nuff said

Merit marks for trying though

alleepally

Oh woe betide he who doesn't search boards before any post!

I wish to oppose the opinions expressed before me and say that

a) I hadn't seen this before and nor would I have gone through archives to specifically find it

b) I found it funny

c) There is nothing wrong with sharing a bit of laughter. not everyone will have seen it before.

Kermitt

you are indeed right alleepally. I was just having a personal rant, they are amusing:)

quank

probably the most repititive post on humour board
me finds it funny, especially the cow one

would be a nice gesture if newbingtons searched before though