Deutsche Joken

froggie_1

Possibly posted before, but I love them....

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.

---

A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

---

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge? She was clinically
depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

---

What do you call a cat with no tail?

A manx cat.

---

Why do undertakers wear ties?

Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
appearance has a degree of gravitas.

---

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? One.

---

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

---

Two men are sitting in a pub.

One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men

coming in and out of your wife's house.'

The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her
drug habit.'

---

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out
and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders
off.

---

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because it would not be financially viable

toxic_angel

possibly the funniest jokes ive ever read

Barbie_666

so stupid, there funny!!!:D

lukeUCD

ah the germans!

Squall

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders
off.

LOL. Got a chuckle anyway

Linoge

Ze Germans. They are the nicest supreme race in the world.

rymus

zis sred ist sending to ze printer of documenten und vil be recited to ze friends und family.

UnrealQueen

Originally posted by froggie_1

A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

---

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge? She was clinically
depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

Er, how can they be funny?

Squall

Er, how can they be funny?

Thats kind of the point . Theyre not really supposed to be..its like. Ah forget it.

cc

whats brown and sticky?...........a brown stick
whats red and fluffy?.................red fluff etc etc etc

i had to register and post some classics on reading this thread...tis groovy:cool:

Verdammt

A Real German Joke :

Mama Mama, gibt's heute wieder spaghetti ??
Nein, da musst du warten bis Oma wieder Kramptadern hat.


Now that's funny.

Civilian_Target

Google translated it just enough that I laughed after about 15 seconds....

Mac daddy

das iz realllly guut hahaha me salutes

aidan_walsh

Who says the Germans don't have a sense of humour, eh?

Panda

full length

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because it would not be financially viable to sell pharmaceuticals in a largely unpopulated rainforest.

and speaking of the germans.

What did hitler say to his men before they got into their tanks?




Get in your tanks men.

Gmodified

this is shocking.

kmart6

F**KIN GERMANS

Acidflash

A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

lol

Verdammt

Bloodich Irisch archloche

PrecariousNuts

These aren't German jokes, these started in an antijoke thread on another forum. I remember them word for word.

Verdammt

Originally posted by PrecariousNuts
These aren't German jokes, these started in an antijoke thread on another forum. I remember them word for word.

I agree. And I was knocked down for pointing this out.

quank

One of the best series of jokes, but my god.
Stop posting them so recent to the previous

toffeeman

Saying they are German makes them funny all over again.

Reminds me of 2 of my favourite "stupid" jokes

Q: How do you escape from the zoo?

A: Get good at jumping and jump over the wall.


Q: How do you catch a rabbit?

A: Lie down in a field and make carrot noises.



1st post!

Arucard

Originally posted by UnrealQueen
Er, how can they be funny?

just take it that they're not meant to be funny, hench the title. Germans got no sense of humour

take Renier Wolfcastle for example
"did you ever notice how men always leave ze toilet seat up?....zat's ze joke"
"YOU SUCK MCBAIN!"
*gunfire ensues

"ice to see you"

"the movie is just me, standing in front of a brick vall for 2 hours, it cost 80 million dollars."

"from here ze appear to be tied, but i vill go in for a clozer look....on clozer inspection zese are loafers"

"hey jerry, zose pants make you look like a homosexual."
"BOOOO!"
"maybe you are all homosexuals"
"BOOOO!"

Arucard

Originally posted by toffeeman

Q: How do you catch a rabbit?

A: Lie down in a field and make carrot noises.

thats absolutely classic

Verdammt

Originally posted by Arucard
Germans got no sense of humour

And how would you know. Have you actually met any or are you just using a fictional cartoon caracter as a reference.

Just to correct you on something you might have overlooked, Renier Wolfcastle is Austrian, as is Arnold Schwarzenegger who Renier is actually based on.


feckin Muppet.

pickarooney

If it's got Benny Hill, schadenfreude or stupid Dutch people in there, they'll laugh. Honest.

Healio

Originally posted by Billy-Joe
And how would you know. Have you actually met any or are you just using a fictional cartoon caracter as a reference.

Just to correct you on something you might have overlooked, Renier Wolfcastle is Austrian, as is Arnold Schwarzenegger who Renier is actually based on.


feckin Muppet.

dont forget Hitler

Verdammt

Originally posted by Healio
dont forget Hitler

Austrian. Case closed.

elvis2002

ah brilliant, they never grow old,
Why did the mexican throw his wife off a cliff?
Te quil a