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worst job experience contest

  • 08-04-2004 10:04am
    #1
    KoNiT
    Registered Users Posts: 577 ✭✭✭


    Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Mayo.

    He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an
    email he sent to his sister. She then sent it to RnaG in Galway, who
    was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.

    Needless to say, she won.


    Hi Sue,

    Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had
    a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at
    work,
    so thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's
    not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me,
    I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you
    know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the
    office.

    It's a wet suit.

    This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm
    is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This
    20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it
    to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver
    through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose Now this sounds
    like a darnn good plan, and I've used it several times with no
    complaints.

    What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the
    hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole
    suit with warm water.

    It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all
    of sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.
    This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started
    to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
    In agony I realized what had happened.

    The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
    suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish
    couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my ar @ e was not as
    fortunate.

    When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding
    the jellyfish into my arse. I informed the dive supervisor of my
    dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to
    the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing
    hysterically.

    Needless to say I aborted the dive.

    I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression
    stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface
    to
    begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I
    was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the
    water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face,
    handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my arse as soon
    as I got in the chamber.

    The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because
    I was swollen shut.
    So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
    worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your backside. Now
    repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."


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