Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Good ones here;)

  • 11-04-2004 10:37pm
    #1
    UnrealQueen
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,190 ✭✭✭


    What's the best form of birth control after 50?
    Nudity
    What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
    45 lbs.
    What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    45 minutes.
    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.
    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.
    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.
    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.
    Why does the bride always wear white?
    Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
    How do you know when you're really ugly?
    Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
    How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
    When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
    Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guys have?
    Palm Sunday.
    What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
    Her navel.
    What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
    Bingo machine.
    What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
    Why did God create alcohol?
    So ugly people could have sex, too.
    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"
    What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
    Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
    Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
    They named him Sum Ting Wong.
    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment.
    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.
    What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
    A pimp.
    Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
    What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
    A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.
    What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
    A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****."


Comments

  • #2
    quank
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,726 ✭✭✭quank


    Haha, some really good ones

    Love the last one :D


  • #3
    Agent Smith
    Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 21,504 Mod ✭✭✭✭Agent Smith


    How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
    When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."


    i like i like!


Advertisement