flying

pthagonal

Anyone about to go Flying...........
Here are some conversations that airline passengers
normally will never hear.
The following are accounts ( supposely? ) of actual exchanges between
airline pilots and control towers around the world.

---

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

---

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

---

>From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long
takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting,
identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

---

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy,
your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say
this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

---

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC
asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

---

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an
exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San
Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right
turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you
are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101,
make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

---

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a
priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter
was running "a bit peaked."
Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was
number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

---

Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
"What, exactly, was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant.
"It took us a while to find a new pilot."

---

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."

---

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted
off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure
on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied
Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

---

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active
runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied
back past the Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger:
"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts
for another one."

---

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot.
They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there
without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am
747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British
Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206,
have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."

---

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing
for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie
taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for
you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
"God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out!
You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive
taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you,
when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after
the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate
ground controller in her current state of mind.
Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then
an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I
married to you once?"

Linoge

Some of them are good. Didn't like ye olde grand English joke though. Why should a German speak English in German airspace? Cocky English fcuks.
Reminds me a bit of some dkhd who once said to me "If it wasn't for the English we'd all be speaking German now" As you can imagine my reply wasn't too nice.:eek:

Tyrrial

Originally posted by Linoge
Some of them are good. Didn't like ye olde grand English joke though. Why should a German speak English in German airspace? Cocky English fcuks.
Reminds me a bit of some dkhd who once said to me "If it wasn't for the English we'd all be speaking German now" As you can imagine my reply wasn't too nice.:eek:

at least they can't be cocky about the rugby!:D

i thought they were quite good.... well some of them anyway

RobertFoster

Originally posted by Linoge
"If it wasn't for the English we'd all be speaking German now"

Surely, if it wasn't for the Americans we'd all be speaking German now?

If it wasn't for the English we'd all be speaking Irish now

smoke.me.a.kipper

Originally posted by pthagonal
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy,
your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say
this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

brilliant, hehehehe. :D

BioHazRd

Originally posted by Linoge
Why should a German speak English in German airspace? Cocky English fcuks.

It's actually written in international aviation law that english is to be used - nothing to do with english cockiness - it's a safety issue.

Bio

Unpossible

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- and I didn't land."

brilliant

Linoge

Originally posted by BioHazRd
It's actually written in international aviation law that english is to be used - nothing to do with english cockiness - it's a safety issue.

Bio

Thanks for that, i didn't know.

Agent Smith

nice!

Pugsley

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
"Because you lost the bloody war."



Excellent

Capt'n Midnight

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

spoofilyj

There all F-ing Brilliant.

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

Its amazing how many transcripts like that there are out there!!