classified

ferdi

As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often
more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the
cartoon and comic strips:

* Lost: small apricot poodle. reward. Neutered. Like one of the
family.

* A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine foods expertly served by
waitresses in apetizing forms.

* Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

* For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
drawers.

* For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie
chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

* Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

* Now is the perfect time to get your ears pierced and get an extra pair
to take home, too!

* Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory

* Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

* We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by
hand.

* No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make
it really repellent

* For Sale. Three canaries of undetermined sex.

* For Sale - Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Huskey.

* Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul,
fresh vegetables, salads, quiche.

* 7 ounces of choice sirloin, steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered
with golden fried onion rings.

* Great Dames for sale.

* Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

* Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

* 20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawney Port, sold to pay for charges,
the opwner having been lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.

* Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

* Vacation Special: Have your house exterminated.

* If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis
Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fountain
and Chopin.

* Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.
Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

* The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds and
other athletic facilities.

* Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

* Toaster: A fift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.

* Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so servicable that lots
of women wear nothing else.

* Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.

* We build bodies that last a lifetime.

* Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.

* This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes
& Gardens.

* For Sale - Diamonds $20,00; microsopes $15.00.

* For Rent: 6 room hated apartment.

* Man, honest. Will take anything.

* Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200.00 a month.
References required.

* Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.

* Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

* Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

* Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

* Modular Sofas. Only $299.00. For rest or fore play.

* Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

* Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

* 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

* Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and
snacks included.

* Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

* Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll
never go anywhere again.

* See ladies blouses. 50% off!

* Holcross pulletts. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204

* Wanted. Preparer of food. Must be dependable like the food business,
and be willing to get hands dirty.

* Illiterate? Write today for free help.

* Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion.
Blue Cross and salary.

* Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume
general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to
growth of family.

* Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for
efficient beating

* Mother's helper - peasant working conditions.

* Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale.

* And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
unrivaled inconvenience.

* We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home
for $1.00

And these beauties from the radio:

* Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a rediculous
figure.

* Be with us again next Saturday at 10:00 P. M. for "High Fidelity,"
designed to help music lovers increase their reproduction.

* When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green
bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after.

* Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs with
the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.