Uncomfortable

Ragamuffin · 20-04-2004 4:28pm #1

*don't mind the weird paragraphing, I had to take all those annoying >'s out.

True Story:

Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for
baked

beans.

She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very

embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a man and fell in love.

When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to

herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never
go for this

carrying on."

She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later her car broke down on the way home from
work.

Since she lived in the country she called her husband and
told him

that she would be late because she had to walk home.

On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the
baked beans

was more than she could stand.

Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she
would walk

off any ill effects by the time she reached home.

So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had

consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she
felt

reasonably sure she could control it.

Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed
delightedly,

"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the
table.

She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the
blindfold

from his wife, the telephone rang.

He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he
returned.

He then went to answer the telephone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her
and the

pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her
husband was out
of

the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to
one leg and

let it go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck
running

over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.

She took her napkin and fanned the air around her
vigorously.

Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more,
which

reminded her of cooked cabbage.

Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other
room, she

went on like this for another ten minutes.

When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her
freedom, she

fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it
on her lap
and

folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.

She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned,

apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked,
and she

assured him that she had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was
surprised!!

There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to
wish her

a "Happy Birthday"!!!