Liverpool

BaZmO*

Wahey!! First post in the New Soccer!! Thanks Gandalf!

And in the spirit of all things fun and jovial............



Gerard Houllier was caught speeding on his way to Anfield today.
When questioned by the magistrate he said, "I'll do anything for 3
points".

A man hands over a sterling50 note to the turnstyle operator at Anfield
"Two please".
Turnstyle Operator: "Will that be defenders or strikers, sir?"

How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they're all happy living in the shadows.

What do you get if you see a Liverpool fan buried up to his neck in
sand?
More sand.

Name three football clubs that contain swear words?
Ar*enal, Scu*thorpe and F*****g Liverpool

What is the difference between the Elephant man and Emile Heskey?
The Elephant Man has a better chance of scoring.

Apparently, Gerard Houllier offered to send the Liverpool squad on
an all expenses paid holiday to Florida, but they said they'd rather go to
Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.

Police recently quizzed Emile Heskey about an alleged attack on a
pregnant lady. When asked why he attacked the woman, he replied: "I
never realised she was pregnant, I thought that it was a 50-50 ball that she
had up her jumper!"

Gerard Houllier was wheeling his shopping trolley across the
supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping.
He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" The old lady replied,
"F**k Off - You got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a
voice shouts out "Liverpool are good enough to win the League."
Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

A man desperate at Liverpool's current situation decides to top
himself.In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the
very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full Liverpool kit as his
last statement. A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident,
informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the Liverpool kit
and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man,totally confused
asks why.
The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."

A bloke goes into the John Lennon Airport and manages to eventually
get into the departure lounge where his flight home is being called. All
around him there are overturned tables, smashed windows, computer
terminals broken, upturned chairs and crowd control barriers lying on the
floor.
"Christ, what's happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew.
"Oh yeah...", he replies "Absolutely hopeless ..... we had the
Liverpool players in here this morning filming the new Nike ad"

LizardKing

I was gonna say this should go to the Humour Forum ... but then I read the post ...

uberwolf

Originally posted by LizardKing
I was gonna say this should go to the Humour Forum ... but then I read the post ...

ahh they're not that bad. unfortunately accurate.

Kone

LOL!