school quiz

cujimmy

Teacher to class: "Right class today is Thursday, so we're going to have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday off and not come back until Tuesday." Wee Jimmy (the class character) thinks, 'brill am ace at ma general knowledge.

Teacher: "Right class, who can tell me who said. 'Don't ask what your country can do for you , but what you can do for your country'? Wee Jimmy (shoots up his hand), Teacher looking round: Yes Jeremy. Jeremy (in English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy inauguration speech 1960."
Teacher: "Very good Jeremy. You may come back on Tuesday."

NEXT THURSDAY COMES AROUND, AND WEE JIMMY IS EVEN MORE DETERMINED
Teacher: "Who said. 'We will fight them on the beaches , we will fight them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender'?" Wee Jimmy (SHOOTS UP HIS HAND SHOUTING I KNOW)Teacher (looking round): "Yes Timothy." Timothy (In posher English accent): "Yes Miss, the answer is Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech." Teacher: "Very good Timothy , you may come back on Tuesday."

THE FOLLOWING THURSDAY COMES AROUND AND WEE JIMMY IS VERY VEXED
Teacher: "Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind'?" Jimmy (JUMPING UP AND DOWN WITH BOTH HANDS UP, YELLING I KNOW, I KNOW) "Yes Rupert." Rupert (In frightfully plumy English accent): "Yes Miss that was Neil Armstrong, 1969, The first moon landing." Teacher: "Very good Rupert you may come back on Tuesday." Wee Jimmy (Who has lost the plot by this time, blurts out): "WHERE THE F*** DID ALL THESE ENGLISH C***S COME FROM?"
TEACHER (Looking round the class): "Who said that?"
Wee Jimmy (Standing back up): "Bonnie Prince Charlie, Culloden, 1746.
SEE YA TUESDAY."

Acidflash

made me smile

Pugsley

heh, what a wee b*stard

Agent Smith

lol

milltown

The version I heard had Jimmy rolling a number of black snooker balls up towards the top of the class. When the teacher says "okay, who's the joker with the black balls?" Jimmy shouts "Sammy Davis Jr. miss, see you Tuesday"

Both are good tho'

quank

Originally posted by cujimmy
"Bonnie Prince Charlie, Culloden, 1746.

Anybody care to explain

The Clown Man

One I heard was:

SHUT UP YE BITCH

Who said that?

Bill Clinton!

cujimmy

Originally posted by quank

Anybody care to explain

It kinda loses it by having to explain it but here goes

Battle: CULLODEN
War: The Jacobite Rebellion of 1745
Date: 16th April 1746
Place: South east of Inverness and a few miles south west of Nairn in Scotland
Combatants: The Highland Army of Prince Charles and the Royal Troops of George II
Following the battle of Falkirk the Duke of Cumberland arrived in Edinburgh on 30th January 1746. The next day the royal army marched north. The final encounter took place on Culloden Moor. The royal army had on 15th April 1746 celebrated the Duke’s birthday in its camp outside Nairn. On that day the highlanders attempted a surprise approach but failed, falling back to Culloden. On 16th April the royal army followed the rebels. The royal troops came upon the highland army in a state of exhaustion and hunger and the two sides took up positions on the moor outside Culloden House. The armies formed facing each other and the battle began with an artillery exchange. The Jacobite artillery was poorly served. By contrast the Duke had ensured that he had a full artillery train properly manned by gunners and officers of experience. The royal fire told heavily on the highlanders. Eventually there was a charge by the Atholl Brigade, the Camerons, Appin Stewarts, Frasers and Mackintoshes largely against the royal left. There was time for a single volley into the highlanders followed by savage hand to hand fighting. The highlanders veered to their right away from the fire of Campbell’s and Price’s and the attack fell on Barrel’s and Munro’s on the royal left (as the casualties indicate). It is said that at this battle the musket and bayonet had the better of the highland broadsword. The old spirit had largely left the rebel army and only part of their line charged. The highlanders were overcome and the Jacobite army left the field pursued by dragoons and royal foot. The battle took around 45 minutes.


WTF do they teach kids in school ?