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Country Wisdom
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02-05-2004 3:15pm#1"Country Wisdom"
Just in case you're traveling to the Prairies, Here is a list of rules:
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a 4-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine-years-old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.
5. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
6. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
7. So what if every person in every pickup waves? It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
8. So you have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're really impressed. We have quarter-million-dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
9. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
10. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
11. Yeah, we eat trout, Northern, walleye, and pike, too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.
12. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Highways #1 and #16 go two ways - get on one of them.
13. The "Opener" refers to the first days of fishing and deer season.
14. To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their houses.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER
Never name a cow or pig you plan to eat.
Life isn't about how fast you run, or how high you climb. It's about how good you bounce.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.
Don't skinny dip with leeches.
Words that soak into your ears are "whispered"...not yelled.
Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
Don't corner something meaner than you.
Don't wrestle with pigs. You'll get all muddy, and the pigs'll love it.
The early bird gets the worm. But...the second mouse gets the cheese.
And don't pee on an electric fence.0
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