Star Trek Jokes

leonotron

I've tried looking online for Star Trek jokes but all I can find are crap geek sites with the worst attempts at humour ever. So if you have a good joke, put it here.

What did Spock see when he looked down the toilet?
The Captains Log?

Why are there no Puerto Ricans in Star trek?
Cause they don't go to work in the future either?

Why was Uhura brown?
Cause William Shat'ner

tman

how did they get the clingons off uranus?

with some bog roll...

leonotron

Edited after tman edited his post

User45701

On the enterprise fighting a sphere....

Piccard: come about to 218 mark 315 , full impulse
Ensign: Eye sir
Piccard: worf fire at will
*worf takes out his phas and shoots will riker*

I know how bad that joke is

Woden

Originally posted by User45701
On the enterprise fighting a sphere....

Piccard: come about to 218 mark 315 , full impulse
Ensign: Eye sir
Piccard: worf fire at will
*worf takes out his phas and shoots will riker*

I know how bad that joke is

meh it amused me

simu

Originally posted by User45701
On the enterprise fighting a sphere....

Piccard: come about to 218 mark 315 , full impulse
Ensign: Eye sir
Piccard: worf fire at will
*worf takes out his phas and shoots will riker*

I know how bad that joke is

That's class!

There's the old one that goes along these lines:

Picard: Riker, Worf, Data and Ensign Smith, get ready to beam down to the planet. This will be a very dangerous mission.

Ensign Smith: Oh sh**!

The_Bullman

Originally posted by simu
That's class!

There's the old one that goes along these lines:

Picard: Riker, Worf, Data and Ensign Smith, get ready to beam down to the planet. This will be a very dangerous mission.

Ensign Smith: Oh sh**!

Isn't that from Family Guy?

simu

I don't know where it's from. I think I read it on some Star Trek site.

simu

Why was STAR TREK so successful?
It had good Genes.

What would you have if all the Star Trek fans in Switzerland got together?
The Geneva Convention.

How many VULCANS does it take to change a light bulb ?
Aproximately One Point Zero Zero Zero Zero .......

How many BAJORANS does it take to change a light bulb ?
The filthy Cardassians took our light bulb !

How many KLINGONS does it take to change a light bulb ?
Burned out light bulbs have NO honor. And a true Klingon Warrior is not
afraid of the dark !

How many TRILLS does it take to change a light bulb ?
Both of them.

How many BORG does it take to change a light bulb ?
Light bulbs are irrelevant. Changing them is futile.

How many BETAZIODS does it take to change a light bulb ?
I sense it has already changed.

How many ROMULANS does it take to change a light bulb ?
We have been gone for a while, but we have returned to change it.

How many FEDERATION SHUTTLE PILOTS does it take to change a light bulb ?
Ooooops ! I dropped it !

How many Q's does it take to change a light bulb ?
Here, now, Wouldn't you rather have this Super-Nova ?

How many ODO's does it take to change a light bulb ?
I will change IN TO the light bulb.

How many TRIBBLES does it take to change a light bulb ?
1,561,772 .......uhh,62....,ummm,63......64......

How many Ferengi does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to do it and the other to sell the broken one to an unsuspecting
customer.

How many Betazoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to do it and the other to moan "darkness, I sense darkness!"

How many Romulans does it take to change a light bulb?
2, one to change it and one to kill the other and take the credit.

How many Betazoids does it take to change a light bulb?
No, no. no. The light bulb has to _want_ to change first.

How many first officers does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally one, but if that is Riker it then it takes 2, Riker to pose
while the other changes the light bulb.

How many Ferengi does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to screw it in and another to sell tickets to watch.

How many DOCTOR McCOYS does it take to change a lightbulb?
"G-dd-mit, Jim; I'm a DOCTOR, not an electrician!"

How many Trekkers does it take to change a light bulb ?
Okay, so ,y'know, like, in that episode wher Spock gets attacked by those
vomit looking things, and, like, he starts doing weird stuff, like, he
takes over the ship and it gets Kirk really mad, so they find out that
they can use this super-bright light, but it was bogus, 'cause McCoy used
the wrong kind of light, and it makes Spock blind ,so, like......what kind
of light bulb are you talking about ??

smoke.me.a.kipper

fair funny simu. pld.

User45701

Originally posted by simu
That's class!

There's the old one that goes along these lines:

Picard: Riker, Worf, Data and Ensign Smith, get ready to beam down to the planet. This will be a very dangerous mission.

Ensign Smith: Oh sh**!

That is a joke allot like all the old red shirt jokes.
In family guy

Kirk: This is a dangerous mission and its likley one of us will be killed, the away teams will consit of myself mister spock and engisn riki
ensign riki: Ah crap

SantaHoe

I don't normaly laugh at lightbulb jokes, but those were pretty damn good.

How many Betazoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to do it and the other to moan "darkness, I sense darkness!"

MrVestek

Brilliant... sheer genious. Simu, we could use you on this movie project to write the more comical aspects of the script, interested?

Fuhrio

those jokes were great, although im guessing he didnt write them, id say he found them somewhere.


could be wrong

Woden

Originally posted by User45701
That is a joke allot like all the old red shirt jokes.
In family guy

Kirk: This is a dangerous mission and its likley one of us will be killed, the away teams will consit of myself mister spock and engisn riki
ensign riki: Ah crap

yeah thats quality and then its kirk that gets killed and ensign ricky says some like
"i didn't see that coming"

simu

Originally posted by Fuhrio
those jokes were great, although im guessing he didnt write them, id say he found them somewhere.


could be wrong

Alas, tis true. I just found them on the interweb.

Brilliant... sheer genious. Simu, we could use you on this movie project to write the more comical aspects of the script, interested?

Er, maybe. People usually say I have an unfunny sense of humour though!