The Prospect

MrVestek

Here's a poem i wrote about a week ago to get out the feelings i had about a difficult situation im in at the moment with a girl. Tell me what you guys think as the poem explains all.

The Prospect

Deep in this hole
That is my black life
I struggle to come to terms
With this hardship and strife

Darkening ever still
The need to escape these caging bones
Do I have the will
For coping with these unknowns?

But I see a light
In this deep, dark tunnel
The prospect of you
Making me ponder ever-more.

However, I am not the one
Who fuels your fire
I am not the one,
The object of your desire

Then he strolls by
No hint of a grin
Trying to look away,
Making my head spin

Oceans of envy
Flow through my being
When your close your eyes
It's him that you're seeing

Am I to compete
For the honour of your affections?
I feel like such a cheat
Emotions flying in all directions

Do you feel the same
Thinking about me as I do you?
Or am I such a fool
To think that you could like me too?

BEAT

it needs a few corrections in spelling, word usage and word placement but I saw where you were going with it and my overall feeling was ...it is nice.
keep it up, post some more...you definitley have a budding talent.

MrVestek

Thanks man, i thought the overall beat of the poem wasn't too bad as i kept reading it out loud over and over and got my mac to read it out for me just to hear how it sounds. Erm about the spellings tho, where did i go wrong? I never even thought about using a spell checker!! lol

BEAT

6 th stanza down, 3rd line... your should be you (grammatcial error not spelling)
when "you" close your eyes

MrVestek

Ohh i never even noticed that, lol. Just a typo.