Showering

swalsh · 25-05-2004 7:57pm #1

How to shower like a woman:

Get in shower - use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long

loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with cucumber and
sage

shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.

Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural

avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes.

Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with gingernut and jaffa cake body wash.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Check entire body for spots & tweeze hairs.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed.

Leave in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound.

Look at manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your knob and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound
in

the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap.

Shampoo hair. Make shampoo mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off shampoo and get out of shower.

Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor.

Admire knob size in mirror again.

Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light on and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass your wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make
woo-hoo

noises again.

Throw wet towel on bed.