a screenplay I wrote

Goodshape

Not much of a masterpiece (emphasis on being easy, cheap and fun to make), but here is my first almost-done short film screenplay.

There's definitely a few scenes missing (a few 'place holders' in use) in which I would hope to build the charactors a bit more, but the bulk of it is here.

Anyway, comments and criticisms welcome.

4cities3.txt

BEAT

So this is your first attempt at writing a screen play? I can certainly tell. In my personal opinion I did not like it...not because of the story line (which has been done so many times) I just didnt like most of the dialogue.
I would say you put it together well, but I dont like the play itself.

And by the way...this would not be easy or cheap to make if you wanted it made well. To pull off the effect I think you are looking for anyway.

keep it up though, show us some other work if you have it.

Thanks for sharing!

projectmayhem

what BEAT said.

i'm writing screenplays (they're full on movies though, not short)... and re-writing them over and over and then writing each character from his/her perspective to get dialog right is what i do. might work for you...

if these scripts don't work out for me it's off to a river with some concrete blocks for me...

Goodshape

Thanks for the feedback. I think I can live with those critisisims for now, I'm pleased enough that I've got twenty pages of anything writen - let alone something with a discernable start middle and end.

...and rewriting has certinitly produced results in the past. The first 'draft' of that script was done this time last year, and it's changed drasticly since then.

I'll post it up again once I'm a bit further along.

BEAT

sounds good, looking forward to reading it

Doctor Funfrock

i think its really good , ignore the haters .

Goodshape

Cheers Funfrock