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You are what you drink

  • 26-05-2004 3:43pm
    #1
    Kazu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,309 ✭✭✭


    even bartenders were asked if they could identify personality on what drinks were chosen. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

    The results:

    WOMEN
    Drink: Beer. Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
    Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

    Drink: Blender drinks with umbrella. Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy,
    and a pain in the ass. Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

    Drink: Mixed drinks - no umbrellas. Personality: Mature, has picky taste;
    knows what she wants. Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

    Drink: Wine - (bottled not 4 litre cask) Personality: Conservative and
    classy, sophisticated. Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into
    conversation.

    Drink: Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc.. Personality: Easy;
    thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has absolutely no clue.
    Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.

    Drink: Baileys. Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart. Approach:
    Stand
    close and mention the alley next to the pub.

    Drink: Shots (Vodka, Aftershock etc.). Personality: Hanging with male pals
    or looking to get drunk... and naked. Approach: Easiest hit in the pub.
    Nothing to do but wait.

    MEN - As always, very simple and clear cut.

    Cider: He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

    Cheap Domestic Beer: He's poor/student and wants to get laid.

    Premium Local Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

    Bitter: He's old, he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

    Imported Beer: He likes expensive beer and wants to get laid.

    Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image
    and help him get laid.

    Vodka or Brandy: Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate
    to get laid.

    Port: Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

    Whisky: He doesn't give two ****s about anything and will hit anyone who
    will get in his way of getting laid.

    Jack Daniels: Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about
    feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into
    getting laid.

    Tequila: Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

    Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc: Gay.


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