MATHS TEST FOR Man Utd fans....

Dub13

I posted this in Humour yesterday its only a bit of fun.

MATHS TEST FOR Man Utd fans....
From The Official MUFC Maths Workbook, which covers sums for practising
Key Stage Two maths for 7-11 year olds. This has been introduced as part
of the Government's maths campaign.


1. Roy is 78 yards away from the referee at Old Trafford and Gary is 65
yards away. If Roy can run at 21mph and Gary can run at 16mph, who will be
sticking their vein-bulging forehead into the hapless whistler's face
first, assuming Roy does not stop to stamp on an opponent on his way.

2. If one minute of time is taken up in a game for substitutions and one
minute for injuries, how much injury time will be added on by the referee
if Man Utd are losing at home?

3. Ryan is a Welshman. Express, as a percentage, the number of
internationals he has missed on a Wednesday evening compared to the
miraculous recoveries he made for the following Saturday.

4.a) Manchester United are one of the giants of world club football. How
many more European Cup Finals have they appeared in than Steaua Bucharest?
(For one extra mark; How many more than Reims?)

4.b) How many more times have Manchester United won the European Cup than
Nottingham Forest?

5. Phil Neville has 30 international caps. If you take away the number of
appearances when he was the only adult male in England who could just
about kick the ball with his left foot, how many are left?

6.a) You are the referee at Old Trafford. How near to a visiting defender
does a tumbling Ruud van Nistelrooy have to be to earn a penalty if he goes
down in the box? (Note: Round your answers down to the nearest 20 yards.)

6.b) Probability. Express the statistical probability of visitors to Old
Trafford being awarded a penalty. Compare this with the probability of
opponents of Manchester United being awarded a penalty home or away, and
then discuss if a penalty awarded to Manchester United would be awarded to
their opponents in identical circumstances.

7. Mark "The Red" lives in Guildford. How much does it cost for him and
his two sons to travel to the Theatre of Silence every other weekend,
including limited edition matchday programme, a few drinks and prawn
sandwiches all round? How much could he save per week if he watched his
local team instead?
(Note: Round your answers down to the nearest thousand pounds).

8. Alex had a hotel room booked in Glasgow for the Champions League Final.
How much money did he lose when cancelling his reservation?

9. Ruud is 6ft tall and very strong and fast. How much pressure need be
applied to make him tumble over in the opponents penalty area? (Note:
Answers must be in lbs per square inch. However, answers such as, 'However
much pressure is applied by Ferguson to referees' are accepted.)

10. Alex has won it 1 time, Bob has won it 4. Alex has one, Bob does not.
What am talking about? Explain your answer (because nobody else can).

11. Juan is a very lazy boy and often goes missing. Alex is very cross and
wants to sells him. If Juan cost £28m to buy, how much do you think Alex
sold him for? How many pennies did Alex lose?

12. What is the total number of chickens counted before they were hatched
by Manchester United and their supporters who thought Porto were a
pushover.

RasTa

Your sig says it all...

kida

crap like this is why the forum was closed down - grow up and come back to us when you are mature.

s8n

here here...


down with this sort of thing.

The Rooster

REPEAT:

Originally posted by Dub13
its only a bit of fun.

Some people are easily annoyed. Some funny home truths and some dated less funny myths.

phenom

Threads like this one is just a waste of time. Keep them in the Humour Forum thats what it is for. Honestly you are just trying to annoy Utd fans.

talla

Watch the trolls dub13, this is your second in the last month. Final warning.

TwoShedsJackson

I laughed. Amazing how the United supporters get all hurt after a poor season..

zAbbo

isnt this a repost of something in the "humour" board

i found it funny all the same, a few chuckles, but it should have been left and not reposted

yop

That is old Dub13, must be out over a year or more. Only a bit of fun though

No panic lads, for the scousers among us


Gerard Houllier: "Our new Winger cost five million. I call him our wonder player"
Sir Alex Ferguson: "Why's that?"
Gerard Houllier: "Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!"


Q: Why will Liverpool never win the League?
A: They keep scoring Owen goals

Q: How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Liverpool...

Q: What's is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?
A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.

Q: What do Pool Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: How can you tell a level headed Liverpool supporter?
A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time

Q: What do you get if you cross a Liverpol fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon...


A father and son were eating breakfast. The fathers newspaper had the headline "Van Gogh sold for £8 million".
The son asked "is he worth it, Dad?", to which the father, surprised at his son's interest in fine art, replied "I suppose so, son. Why do you ask?"
The son said "Well, Liverpool paid more than that for Stan Collymore, and he was crap"



Newsflash: Thieves broke into the home of a Liverpool fan and stole two books. "The thing that upsets me", he said "is that I hadn't finished colouring them in yet!"



Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a Liverpudlian?
A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to screw a Liverpudlian.


Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scowser fan?
A: A battery has a positive side.


Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So they ain't mistaken fur a Liverpudlian women.


Q: Why did Beardsley never play in Scotland

A: Cos he wiz afraid of the Bells (Scottish Premier)

BaZmO*

Lighten up lads!! It's only a bit of fun. Fair enough, it's a VERY old email and not that funny, but it's hardly a crime!!

B.

Pepe LeFrits

not seen either before, both reasonably amusing

the fnj

Is anyone going to post the answers?

jonno

Originally posted by The FANJ
Is anyone going to post the answers?

LOL:D

Big Ears

I liked them both , but the thing with a lot of the Liverpool ones is they could have done for a lot of clubs .

Dub13

Look lads its only a bit of fun....I thought the Liverpool one was funny and I am a Liverpool Fan.Some people on here need to chill out a bit,you should be able to have a bit of crack without getting to serous there is no need to get into all this my team is beeter than your team,I am a member of a few meassage boards and some people on here (not all) are to uptight.

We are all grown up people on here...we should be able to have a bit of a laugh while talking about football.If this kind of a post gets to you I think it says more about you than me.I no there is a humour forum on here on here and I posted it there first because I thought some people would not like it....but dont let it run it for us all,I am sure some Utd fans thought it was funny.

Jivin Turkey

Some people on this board definately need to lighten up. Anyone who gets annoyed by this thing is a loser. Its crap like people getting their knickers in a twist over stuff like this that got the forum closed down.

And if Dub13 gets his name "noted" by the mods for this, I trust Yop's name goes in their as well.

talla

I actually find both posts amusing, however as this is the second thread that there has been complaints about a thread started by Dub 13, he was warned.

Dub13

Well said...its my view that if you do get your knickers in a twist over this post well maybe an internet Message board is not the place for YOU.we have many differnt views on here nothing nasty just good fun.I have been on Message Boards were people did get out of hand slaging off the Munich Air crash or Hillsborough now that is nasty stuff.

Dub13

talla,the other thread come on I posted what I thought was a good football opinion in it I asked were Man Utd as good as some people make out if people on here cant talk about such things its not me who has the problem

Dub13

Not wanting to start a fuss but people should no the whole story so here is the first post I was noted for.If you can get noted for this its a sad day for Boards.ie,I was just trying to get a serious football discussing going.


I remember how some of you on here were heaping praise on Man United earlier in the season. Some even said that they were better than Arsenal, despite the league table clearly suggesting otherwise...
Anyway, whilst we won't finish that close to them this season, and whilst Man United is still a better side than Liverpool, I assert that Man United are not as good as some of you suggest:

-Knocked out of Europe by Porto, hardly AC Milan or Real Madrid!
-Lost 4-1 at rivals Manchester City!
-Have lost EIGHT times in the league this season (we've lost ten, but eight for a club like Man U!)
-Lost 1-0 at Portsmouth, deservedly (Like Liverpool)

This is just some evidence to suggest that United really aren't as good as some of you think!

kida

I merely pointed out that this kind of stuff got the soccer forum closed before - it was posted in humour and belongs there.

I didn't say it was't funny - it actually is.

The one good things that comes out of it may be that people mightn't post such crap again.

Dub13

I am just trying to say if I get banned it should be because of what I do not because of how other people behave after I have tried to get a discussion going.After all nothing I have posted has been that bad has it....?

smiaras

This post has been deleted.

Dub13

smiaras,I am not to sure about here but I have been on some Message Boards and had some very intresting chats about football without it getting childish...and I realy enjoyed them.I find the people who go on like that eg "we won this more than you" are the ones who no the least about football.

Ps I am not having a go at the Mods,just dont blame me on what you think may happen if I try to get people talking about football.As I have said I did not say anything nasty...I tried to post a funny thread some of you may not think it was funny (i wounder why) but it was not nasty.

Jivin Turkey

Originally posted by kida
I merely pointed out that this kind of stuff got the soccer forum closed before - it was posted in humour and belongs there.

Incorrect, its was people like you getting upset over something so stupid that got the forum shut. The idea that someone actually "complained" and reported this post to the mods is hilarious. People who find this type of thing offensive should be banned, or at least have parental consent before using the internet.

red-not-blue

I don't understand how you could call this a discussion. The original post was funny but not to supporters of that team in this forum. It's not so much the post it's more the bad feelings its encouraging. Leave it in humor.

I find the people who go on like that eg "we won this more than you" are the ones who no the least about football.

*/looks at dub13 sig in confusion !

RNB

gandalf

Pointless thread. If you already posted it in humour then don't bother posting it here again.

Oh one thing about your little list.

-Knocked out of Europe by Porto, hardly AC Milan or Real Madrid!

No Porto are the European Champions which means they are the best team in Europe by merit !!!


Thread closed.