Keano's diary: Trip to Amsterdam

Jabbathegut

Friday 4th June:

Meself and Sheasy get a flight to Dublin (kip) from Manchester, typical feckin FAI making us fly to Dublin first then Amsterdam,we should all meet in Manchester and fly from there. Just about make the flight as me taxi was late picking me up, Sheasy booked it, typical FAI, should've booked it meself.

Arrive in Dublin airport, typical FAI it's bloody raining, the umbrellas haven't arrived yet which is not on. This snot nosed kid comes up and asks for an autograph which I'm not happy about, I do it though just so he'll piss off. Have a dump before I collect me luggage.

Spent an hour looking for Brian and the rest of the lads, finally spot him in Hughes & Hughes book shop buying some magazines and sweets for the journey, he's surrounded by aloada blokes in Ireland tracksuits, I've never seen them before in my life. One of them comes up to me sand says "Alright Keano" I just signed an autograph and said "fuk off".

I'm still suprised not to see any of the Irish squad yet, maybe they're flying straight to Amsterdam. Just then to my relief I spot Duffer, I quickly run over for a chat but it turns out it was some down syndrome kid, again I had to sign another bleedin autograph. I just put "Best wishes Downer, hope you get better soon, Roy!"

Time to board the plane and just my luck, all those knackers in Ireland tracksuits are getting the same flight, what are the chances. To make matters worse one of them even sits beside me. He's making small talk with me so I fart hoping he'll change seats but he doesn't, he just lets an even smellier one. "Did you see me goal the other night, he says" What goal? I reply, "the one against the niggs". I'm completely lost at this stage so I just come out and ask him who the fuk he is. "Graham Barrett" he replies. "I play for Coventry". I just laugh to meself and think about how I'm gonna break him up in training.

It finally dawns on me that these gimps in tracksuits are my team mates, I cant believe how ****t they are so I arrange for Brian to have name tags put on them. One smart arse puts down Thirsty Squirell as his name, fukin dead!

Arrive in the Dam, make Aaron Quinn collect me bags, or is it Alan? never mind. Head to the hotel and get some kip. Have to share a room with Alan Lee, I quickly let him know that I don't like him and I think he's crapp. Did a couple of hours training, it was like watching lepers break dance, nearly reduced me to tears.

Head out for a few beers with the kids, one of them suggests we go to "teasers". Birds everywhere, brings me back to my early days at United with Sharpey, Robbo and Pally. I have to keep my mind on the job and remember why I'm really here in Amsterdam, I've a big day tomorrow and if I dont bring home my allocation of vids and dvds, my life wont be worth living. Head home after a few lap dances and some beers.

Alan Pee staggers in at 4am and wakes me up, I'm not happy about it, seems as though he's never gonna play in the premiership, I need to find another way of getting him back, so I set him on fire, he's burned all down his left side and may miss the game as a result.

Saturday 5th June.
Head into town to get some dvds for Gabby Yorath (Diego Forlan), have a quick spliff and head back for the match.

Arrive at the Amsterdam Arena, I told Brian before the game that I dodn't wanna play, he said that's fine. I take me place in the stands and watch the game. I dont recognise the team at all, Paddy something in goal, Mayfield left back? Rowland rat in midfield? Alan Quinn? The Dutch female epo team is more famous. Anyway we lose the match 13-0. Horse face scores 8 for them, I like horses.

Anyway catch a late flight back to Dublin, some little downer at the airport in a Chelsea tracksuit yells "Keano" I pretend not to hear him, those little fukers freak me out.

Spot Jason McAteer walking around, probabaly looking for a club.

Funny how things work out.

kmart6

Thats brill