German Jokes !!

pyrogenx

Knock, knock.
>
>Who's there?
>
>The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in
>hospital.
>
>****
>
>A man walks into a pub.
>
>He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
>
>****
>
>Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
>
>She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly
>low self-esteem.
>
>****
>
>What do you call a cat with no tail?
>
>A manx cat.
>
>****
>
>Why do undertakers wear ties?
>
>Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
>appearance has a degree of gravitas.
>
>****
>
>How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
>
>One.
>
>****
>
>Why do women fake 0rgasms?
>
>Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
>
>****
>
>Two men are sitting in a pub.
>
>One man turns to the other and says: "Last night I saw lots of strange men
>coming in and out of your wife's house"
>
>The other man replies: "Yes, she has become a pr0stitute to subsidise her
>drug habit"
>
>****
>
>Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out
>and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders
>off.
>
>****
>
>Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
>
>Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell
>pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.

bizmark

There jokes! :eek:

kmart6

Germans,why do they even try???

pyrogenx

ha ha, im german. Those jokes are so offensive against ze germans not been able to make jokes, that fact is so funny :')

aidan_walsh

Done before

JackKelly

funny but old old old. Used to go under the name of "unjokes"

Mac daddy

Jesus they are brutal man

jor el

I laughed.



Sad, I know

lofto

i think there good........

spooiirt!!

heres some irish jokes:

knock knock

whos there?

hei diddle diee do diddl di dy ho ho diddle dee die!


man walks into a pub and says to the barman, " fiddle do diddle dee die, ho ho boy! diidle deee doh, all our women are pale and fat, our weather is crap, we pay ridiculously high prices for eveything because we are afraid to stand up for ourselves,
we all wear nike and have 200 children.

yes i am german by the by.

MarkR

Originally posted by spooiirt!!
heres some irish jokes:

knock knock

whos there?

hei diddle diee do diddl di dy ho ho diddle dee die!


man walks into a pub and says to the barman, " fiddle do diddle dee die, ho ho boy! diidle deee doh, all our women are pale and fat, our weather is crap, we pay ridiculously high prices for eveything because we are afraid to stand up for ourselves,
we all wear nike and have 200 children.

yes i am german by the by.

Way funnier than the German jokes!:p

pyrogenx

thats because the german jokes are jokes! they're anti-jokes, he he

simu

These are not like German jokes, not any German jokes I've seen before anyway but they are very funny. So, yay for the jokes, nay for the stereotype.

RobertFoster

wasn't there some poll last year that found out that Germans have the best sense of humour in Europe?

Kazu

germans are boring farts

pyrogenx

Thank you Robert, i think they do have a very amusing sense of humour. I mean i should know !

By the way, these jokes are suppose to be german because the germans are kinda strict, always on time and they live to work. (i know what its like to be at work at 5am every morning, it sux)

super-sissy

Two Germans in England on holiday, go into a very typical toffy pub.

One of them goes up to the bar and in his best school English says "I voud like to have two gin and tonics"

The barman asks "dry, Sir?"

German shouts "Nein! Zwei!"

simu

Google does not lie!

375,000 hits for deutsche Witze (jokes in german). Ha!

de5p0i1er

Well I've heard worse.

pyrogenx

thats a good one. LOL

spooiirt!!

Originally posted by Kazu
germans are boring farts

heid deiddle dee die

duridian

Was ist der Unterschied zwischen einer Schlange und einer Autoschlange?
....

.....
Mit der Autoschlange ist das Arschloch immer auf vor!

Ba-dum-tish

..and no I am not German

Rnger

STUFF UUU

stfu

pyrogenx

Jeez, didn't expect that many ppl to reply to this thread :-)

MrJoeSoap

My mate told some of those in his best German accent down the pub recently and we were in stiches !!!!

gobby

Why is it that Germans get this seriously undeserved stereotype!?

I'm living in Germany at the moment and all my German mates are funny as fuk.

Oh, and the German unjoke thing is sooooooo old.

super-sissy

maybe it depends on what part of Germany you live in....I live in Germany myself,
been here for years (and years!), and although my Germans friends have a great
sense of humour, they're more the exception than the rule!!!


Oh, and maybe the joke is a little old at this stage but personally I haven't heard a
decent German joke in a loooooong time..... hey, gobby, heard any good ones lately?

Ciao

gobby

Originally posted by super-sissy
maybe it depends on what part of Germany you live in....I live in Germany myself,
been here for years (and years!), and although my Germans friends have a great
sense of humour, they're more the exception than the rule!!!


Oh, and maybe the joke is a little old at this stage but personally I haven't heard a
decent German joke in a loooooong time..... hey, gobby, heard any good ones lately?

Ciao

Well, seeing as how my mates English aint great and my German is even worse I haven't actually heard many jokes from them as such. But in general, there humour is grand. We always manage to have a great laugh and some of the lads are just as funny as any Irish mate! (And some of them are filthy feckers!)

peckerhead

Here's an old favourite of mine (from a Spanish friend)...

Naos

Originally posted by spooiirt!!
heres some irish jokes:

knock knock

whos there?

hei diddle diee do diddl di dy ho ho diddle dee die!


man walks into a pub and says to the barman, " fiddle do diddle dee die, ho ho boy! diidle deee doh, all our women are pale and fat, our weather is crap, we pay ridiculously high prices for eveything because we are afraid to stand up for ourselves,
we all wear nike and have 200 children.

yes i am german by the by.

LOL! A german with a sense of humour what next a [insert a funny sententce here mods] !

ROFL nice one germ

pyrogenx

That is one FUNNY pic!