what's your best sickie?

Red Alert

well now we all do it occasionally don't we! what's the best excuse people here have when you're trying to pull a sickie?

robbie1876

True excuse: "Hi, boss I can´t make it to work because I accidentally superglued the gearstick into reverse."

I´m not making that up.

Cal

Worker: I'm sick and can't come into work today.

Boss: How sick are you?

Worker: Well I'm in bed with my sister.

Superman

Sorry can't come in today, I have a weasel stuck up my ass!

believe me, the boss will be so freaked out he /she won't say a thing!

I always though that if you could somehow fake jury duty it would be a good way to get out of work

Lump

You cant fake it, you need to give the J17 form to your boss. I think it's a J17


John

Gobblor

I told him I was bringing in the shopping from the car, and the wind blew (it was November) and the boot hit me on the head, and I was bleeding and felt really dizzy.

From the looks of the previous posts, I'm the only one who's actually giving a real one.

Doctor J

I phoned in from the jacks on the mobile and hadn't really thought the whole thing through. I was taken by surprise when they asked me what was wrong, I had just said I was feeling poorly and blurted out "I'm pi$$ing out my ass" :dunno:

Sleepy

One of the best I've used was quite sneaky actually: half the office knew I was going on a date one Thursday night so when I was ringing in "sick" on the Friday I was really in a precarious situation. That is, until I also rang in sick on the Monday. Tuesday morning amidst the slaggings of "so the date went well then? snigger etc." my respsonse was, "well, not really, we both got food poisoning so I don't think she'll be seeing me any time again soon". The boss was too busy taking the piss about that to be arsed giving me grief for missing work

Agent Smith

i rang one day and said i broke 3 rib's playing football,















(i was in fact skiing in france at the time)


VICTORY!

Sleepy

Not quite Agent Smith, I rang in sick from Australia once so I've definitely got you on the distance front!

"yeah boss, I can't make it to work today", "why not?", "Well, you know Melbourne, yeah? I'm there."

grumpytrousers

*Ring Ring* - 15 mins after start of work

Boss: Hello

Me: Howya - it's me

Boss: You not coming in today

Me: Nah, erm feeling a bit...

Boss: (Interrupts) Right - don't bother. That shower of muppets upstairs haven't got f*** all for us to work on today. What's wrong with you - just in case anybody asks, we might as well have the same story. Oh - and give us a bell at 4 this afternoon. If Dev haven't gotten their fingers out, you might as well have 2 days of migraine...

Me (Shocked) er...Migraines it is then

*Click*

Agent Smith

lol,
thats class!

whosurpaddy

Originally posted by Cal67
Worker: I'm sick and can't come into work today.

Boss: How sick are you?

Worker: Well I'm in bed with my sister.

funny **** man

Originally posted by Sleepy
Not quite Agent Smith, I rang in sick from Australia once so I've definitely got you on the distance front!

"yeah boss, I can't make it to work today", "why not?", "Well, you know Melbourne, yeah? I'm there."

a bloke i met on holidays in spain one time, said he had overstayed his holiday by a week and a half and was just emailing in progress reports on his "illness", but australias impressive

ballooba

Met a group of lads in tenerife one year.

They were plastering themselves in factor 40 everyday.

They had all called in sick and didn't want a tan going back.

Sleepy

I just mad up some **** about missing a connector flight in Malaysia. Twas only a weekend job and I couldn't take three weekends in a row so I used my sickie for the third...

Trying to think of any other mad ones I've used... food poisoning on a number of occasions, various deaths in the family, tonsilitis (I once "had" that 6 times in 3 months), college emergencies, younger brother needs to be brought to hospital.

I've also used the "first witness on the scene" line to explain the fact that I was gonna be 2 hours late for work

irlirishkev

On the way home from Galway to Dublin one sunday evening, the bearings went on me mate's car. Spent the night stranded in Moat as there were no garages open till Monday morning...

When I rang in on Monday morning, the best my boss could say was 'Is that a lie!?' in true Alan Partridge style..
I assured him that if I was going to make up somewhere to be stranded, it'd be somewhere better than Moat.

Actually, in fairness to Moat, it has more than enough pubs for a fairly impressive pub crawl.. Severe lack of girls out on a Sunday night though!

Kevin.

jabberwock

i've had every sort of relation die on me. (except close family that is)
been knock down by a car
food poisoning
ingrown toenail removal
getting actually sick while on the phone to boss

to name but a few

Bard

4 years and 3 months ago, about 7.30am Irish time:

Hello? Jonathon?
Hi Niall! How are ya! You're calling early! What's up?
Oh I just came down to the Stop'N'Shop at the gas station to ring and tell you I won't be in to work.
Why won't you be in? Wait a sec... gas station?
Yes, I'm in Southern Maryland. Missed my flight. Going to be another week. .. Sorry.
Ah.

---

Just last week:

Hiya, I er, can't make it in. Kinda embarrassing problem.
What's wrong?
Um, ... bad case of diarrhaea I'm afraid. Something I ate didn't agree with me...
Oh! Sorry to hear that. Give us a buzz tomorrow and we'll see how you're feeling.


... Thing was though, I did get a bad dose of the shits of doom the following night. Karma or coincidence?

Time Man

1. Upon starting a new relationship, Monday morning I couldn't get out of bed and ending up going in two hours late, told the Boss I had to take my Ma to the hospital the night before with chest pains and we though it was a heart attack but it turned out to be angina, he let me off early too to see her in the hospital after her tests.

2. Called in sick on Friday to prepare for a Aussie chick that was coming over for the weekend. Monday morning after dropping her to the airport after an hours sleep the traffic was really dhit so I was late again, told him I had gone to the doctor but as it was food poisoning there was nothing he could do, my tired state worked well for that one.

3. This one takes the cake though. In 2002 I booked my holidays but had to make them shorter than planned as my boss wanted to go away playing golf in Portugal with a plane load of benders. The following year, 2003, I booked a spur of the moment flight to the U.S. as there was only two seats left. When I asked for the holidays he said I could only take a week off at the time. So I just cancelled the holidays. The morning of the flight, on the way to the airport, I dropped in my sick note. Two weeks off due to stress. Then when I returned my boss told me to claim from Social Welfare to pay it back to the company. I dragged my heels with this as I'm a tax lazy SOB. Anyway, by the time I had claimed and was waiting I was about to leave the job. On the day I got the date to hand in my notice I accidently sent a text to my boss instead of a work colleague. I got to stay at home for my months notice and still got paid, on top of this I got my holiday pay from the year before as I was off sick, and then the following week I got the check from the social welfare that I was supposed to give to work. The head of the wages department told me to keep it when I rang her about it.

Jeez what a rant, I do go on a bit don't I

Hagar

I heard one about a guy who took time off to attend his grandmother's funeral. When he came back the boss had checked up and found he had used the same excuse on two previous occasions. The boss challenged him on this but he calmly replied "My grandfather got married again":cool:

ykt0di9url7bc3

6 hours late for work... after a staff night out...

"I woke up in a wheat field, crossed 2 streams to get home..I'm going to work for about hour, throw up and head home"

Supervisor in shock...

"Cheers"

I lasted 45 mins

keu

... Thing was though, I did get a bad dose of the ****s of doom the following night. Karma or coincidence?

this is why we should not lie...

threebeards

Said I had shingles once. My boss, who's mother had had the same thing a few weeks previous had great sympathy on me and couriered around some medication to me that her mum hadn't used.

Deadwing

I took 3 days off work once without ringing in once. on the 4th day....
*strolls into the office*
Them:"Where were you?!"
Me:"Well i was out fulfilling my lifelong dream"
Them"Of what??"
Me:"Hanging out and screwing hot chicks"

I swear thats word for word
Id actually been sitting on my arse playing my playstation for 3 days *L*

Time Man

Me too, but the other way around, I said I was playing playstation for three days. RAOTFLMAOAUYSFA

Originally posted by Deadwing
I took 3 days off work once without ringing in once. on the 4th day....
*strolls into the office*
Them:"Where were you?!"
Me:"Well i was out fulfilling my lifelong dream"
Them"Of what??"
Me:"Hanging out and screwing hot chicks"

I swear thats word for word
Id actually been sitting on my arse playing my playstation for 3 days *L*

Runfree

Ringing work.

Ring Ring.

Work: hello?

Me: Yea its me. Just calling to say I wont be in.

Work: ok no probs at all will you be in tomorrow?

Me: I'll ring you this evening if I wont be.

also once when i didn't want to finish my shift I told my supervisor I had to bring a mate to the hospital cause he crashed his motor bike.

Funny thing is a month later I crashed a motor bike(my mates) into a truck. Broke my color Bone and missed 6 weeks of work cause I couldn't drive.

gaui3d0pnbz86o

me: hi i have a fever

boss: what kind of fever

me: [in sower voice] football fever!

click

Flashling

Me: I slept in.
Teacher: That's no excuse.
Me: I don't need this right now, my dog died last night, and I can't cope. And on my birthday.....

mad m

rang in one time said a family member died etc.....so foreman said if i wanted more time off id have to put it in writting because i said a cousin died but i only get day of funeral for a cousin,3 for a parent etc....

so i wrote in and got days but when i went back to work foreman said "hey u got the cutting from death section in paper i have to send it into personnel.....i said EEEEEK!!! in head, hmmm yeah ill get it for you.....had to cut someone out of paper......hehe i know its terrible but had to be done......

fragile

Originally posted by mad m
so i wrote in and got days but when i went back to work foreman said "hey u got the cutting from death section in paper i have to send it into personnel.....i said EEEEEK!!! in head, hmmm yeah ill get it for you.....had to cut someone out of paper......hehe i know its terrible but had to be done......

ROFL, respect man

dictatorcat

Originally posted by mad m
rang in one time said a family member died etc.....so foreman said if i wanted more time off id have to put it in writting because i said a cousin died but i only get day of funeral for a cousin,3 for a parent etc....

so i wrote in and got days but when i went back to work foreman said "hey u got the cutting from death section in paper i have to send it into personnel.....i said EEEEEK!!! in head, hmmm yeah ill get it for you.....had to cut someone out of paper......hehe i know its terrible but had to be done......

Do you work for Nazi's or something?

Had been on holiday in Egypt a few months earlier and got a spot of reoccuring diahorea, went to doctor and got it sorted.
However i did not tell work this! hence a day off every once in a while cos it "came back". Kept it up for a few months.

No one ever ever questions diahorea:D

jj99

im da kinda guy that makes it up as i go along, so when i was asked what was wrong, i said my gran died....little did i know she'd come and visit me at work the followin week.hahaha

paniniter

j

jor el

Me "Won't be in work for a while"
Boss "Why not"
Me "I'm in hospital recovering from an operation"
Boss "Your'e kidding!"

That one's true, I was at a wedding a few years back and broke my leg and tore ligaments, while dancing, very drunk. John Daniels and Red Bull, mmmmmmm. Missed 12 weeks of work, fully paid, sweet. I miss those days Though I don't miss the three operations I had to go through.
Funnily enough I rang from hospital again a few months later, had a bad case of gastro that time. Boss gets all wary and anxious any time I ring now.

Come to think of it, all my sickies have been real. Well, except that one time when I was out drinking and didn't wake up till 3 O'Clock the next afternoon. Rang work and told them I wouldn't be coming in, didn't give a reason as I was still too hungover to think clearly. Went back to bed then.

Victor

Actually I had been drinking blue vodka and it had a bad effect on me ....