Your Favourite Film Rants

da_deadman

Myself and a mate have been discussing this topic this morning. Trying to think of really good film rants. So far we have mentioned Pacino in Scarface ("make way for the bad guy") and Dennis Leary in Demoiltion Man.

So, what are your favourite rants from films, preferably just one person ranting about something thats been bothering or annoying them. Its always enjoyable to see someone crack up and go nuts over something.

ObeyGiant

Easy. Chevy Chase in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation:

"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? "

SheroN

25th hour.

Monty Brogan: **** me? **** you! **** you and this whole city and everyone in it. **** the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. **** the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a ****ing job! **** the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in ****ing training. SLOW THE **** DOWN! **** the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. **** the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? **** the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you ****ing came from! **** the black-hatted Hasidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! **** the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother ****ers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for ****ING LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that ****? Give me a ****ing break! Tyco! Worldcom! **** the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst ****in' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, 'cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. **** the Bensonhurst Italians with their palmaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. **** the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! **** the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the **** on! **** the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! **** the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. **** the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, **** JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in ****in' Otisville, J! **** Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal Irish ass!

bandit

You just beat me to quoting that 25th day speech....

From Clerks
Randal Graves: Oh, **** you! **** you, pal! There you go again trying to pass the buck. I'm the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? Who tried to win back his ex girlfriend without even discussing how he felt about it with his present girlfriend? You want someone to blame for today? Blame yourself. "I'm not even supposed to be here today." You sound like an asshole! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here today. You're here under your own volition. You like to think that the weight of the world rests on Dante's shoulders. Like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. Christ, you overcompensate for what's basically a monkey's job. You push ****ing buttons. Anybody can just waltz in here and do our jobs. You're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic and important than it really is. You work at a convenience store, Dante! And badly, I might add! I work at a ****ty video store, badly as well. That guy Jay's got it right, man. He's got no delusions about what he does. Us, we like to think that we're so much more advanced than the people that come in here everyday to buy paper, or, god forbid, cigarettes. Well, if we're so ****ing advanced, what are we doing working here?

From Glengarry Glenross
Ricky Roma: You stupid ****ing ****. Hey, Williamson, I'm talking to you, ****head. You just caused me $6,000. Six thousand dollars, and one Cadillac. That's right. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it, asshole. You're ****ing ****. Where did you learn your trade, you stupid ****ing ****, you idiot? Who ever told you that you could work with men?

and

Dave Moss: Who are you? What's your name?
Blake: You see this watch? You see this watch?
Dave Moss: Yeah.
Blake: That watch costs more than you car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy, I don't give a ****. Good father, **** you. Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here, close. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit?

---

Blake: You got leads. Mitch & Murray paid good money. Get their names to sell them. You can't close the leads you're given, you can't close ****, *you are* ****, hit the bricks pal, and beat it, 'cause you are going *out*.
Shelley Levene: The leads are weak.
Blake: "The leads are weak." The ****ing leads are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business fifteen years...
Dave Moss: What's your name?
Blake: **** you. That's my name.
[Moss laughs]
Blake: You know why, mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW. *That's* my name.

---

Dave Moss: We don't gotta sit here and listen to this.
Blake: You CERTAINLY don't pal, 'cause the good news is - you're fired.

Evil_Bilbo

Steve martin did some amazing over the top explosive rants in his day (before he turned into a gobsh1te).

Cant think of any particular ones off hand - the jerk etc.

grumpytrousers

There's that monologue at the start of Full Metal Jacket

Sgt: What height are you
Private: six foot sir
Sgt: I didn't know they stacked **** that high

and loads more, including the bit with the golfball/garden hose and the steers/queers/texas thing

LoneGunM@n

My fav has to be either:

Jack Nicholson (Col. Jessup): Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinburg? I have more responsibility here than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. I know deep down in places you dont talk about at parties, you don't want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand to post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!

or

Al Pacino (John Milton): Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man INSTINCTS! He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusment, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste! Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha! And when you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fu.ckin' ass off. He's a tight-ass! He's a sadist! He's an absentee landlord. Worship THAT? NEVER!

or

John Cusack (Rob Gordon): What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

tman

Jack Nicholson - Witches of Eastwick

"Do you think god knew what he was doing when he created woman"

Chinafoot

Samuel L Jackson - Pulp Fiction

JULES
There's a passage I got memorized, seems appropriate for this situation:
Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly
his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

quality stuff!!!

Hecate

Chrisopher Walken in Batman Returns:

Women. Nothing surprises me Chip, except your late mother. Who'da thought Selina had a brain to damage. Bottom line, she tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out a higher window. Meantime, I got better fish to fry.

mwnger

Tyler in Fight Club

“Do you know what a duvet is? It’s a blanket, it’s just a blanket. Now, how do guys like you and me know what a duvet is? Is it essential to our survival, in the hunter/gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we then? Right, we’re consumers. We are the by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty – these things don’t concern me, what concerns me are celebrity magazines; a television with 500 channels; some guy’s name on my underwear; Regain; Viagra; Olestra. Martha Stewart? F*ck Martha Stewart. Martha’s polishing the brass on the Titanic, it’s all going down man. So f*ck off with your sofa units and Strinne green stripe patterns. I say, never be complete. I say, stop being perfect. I say, let’s evolve, and let the chips fall where they may.”

weemcd

anything from apocalypse now and goodfellas

_Kaiser_

Goodfellas... one of the best movies ever, and one I'd pay good money for (again) if only I could have a Dual-Layer version of the DVD.

tman

Originally posted by Kaiser2000
Goodfellas... one of the best movies ever, and one I'd pay good money for (again) if only I could have a Dual-Layer version of the DVD.

http://play.com/play247.asp?page=title&r=R2&title=174289

Buck Owens

Apocalypse Now

Photojouralist(dennis hopper,brillant)

Hey man you don't talk to the colonel man you listen to him. The man enlarged my mind. He's a poet warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he'll uh you'll say hello to him,right? and he'll just walk right by you,and he won,t even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you into a corner and he'll say do you know that if is a middle word in life if you keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you- I mean no, I can't- I,m a little man, I'm a little man,he's, he's a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across a floor of silent seas.