Films NEVER, EVER to be made.

CuLT

Inspired by a couple of posts on the thunderbirds thread,
Pick a book, old tv show or otherwise to be horribly mutilated by an american production crew.

Give the title, director, cast members, and anything else you want that would destroy the original .


My own:

"The Famous Five"
Directed by John Woo
Starring:
Julien: Chritian Slater
Dick: Mark Hamill
Anne: Liv Tyler
George: Halle Berry
Timmy: CG Character with Tom Jones as the voice
Unlce Quentin: Samuel L. Jackson
Aunt Fanny: Gloria Foster

munkeehaven

i sense.... because of the strange laws of the universe , that film will be made to your exact suggestions....i shall wait to see if i am wrong..and i hope i am..what is the bet that some stressed out american director is trawling the net thinking ''ideas, i need ideas..hmm whats this??!!!''.....:ninja: ..:p ....

Cactus Col

I'd go see it

fragile

Replace Mark Hamill with anybody and that sounds like a cracking good film

Zoton

Great thread!

Here's my addition.

The A-Team
Director - David Cronenberg, everyone will die bloodily unlike the tv series
Writer - Charlie Kaufman, it will make no sense

Hannibal - Tom Berenger, Rugged, rough and cráp!
Face - Haley Joel Osment, cute enough to appeal to everyone
Murdock - Sylvester Stallone, oh sly what madcap slapstick adventures will there be?
BA Baracus - The Wayans brothers, a different one for each of BA's moods
Colonel Decker - Rupert Everett, he'd love the uniform

mike65

I mentioned the Prisoner here

So in all its $140,000,000 glory it The Prisoner 2004

Directed by Chris Columbus

Script by Joe Eztherhaus

Staring Hugh Grant as No 6 (Brit the Yanks like)
and as No 2 Whoppie Goldberg (black, American, female and a Jew)

Hey thats nearly all the demographics covered!

Mike.

echomadman

how about this one

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0371724/

lee_baby_simms

phew, thats bad. like this:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387412/

mike65

The vibe surrounding Hitch Hikers GTTG seems to be positive but I'd not let a colonial near the thing. See here for more dicussion

Mike.

hughobrien

How about this one:

The Magic Roundabout

Starring:

Tom Baker as ZeBadDee
Jim Broadbent as Brian
Joanna Lumley as Ermintrude
Kylie Minogue as Florence
Bill Nighy as Dylan
Richard O'Brien as Zebedee
Robbi Williams as Dougal
and
Ray Winston as Soldier Sam

And the worst part is that they're actually making it!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0339334/

PWEI

Here's one;


Magnum Pi the movie;


Magnum - Ben Affleck
Director - McG

mycroft

Firstly Mos Def as Ford Prefect. ARE THEY OUT OF THEIR TINY COKE SHRIVELLED BRAINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As for the metallica documentary.

Apparently it's quite good, the guys come off like total dicks (theres a scene where one of them attempts to justify missing his sons first birthday to hunt bears in Russia) but fair f**ks to them they let it be released uncut.

Still not going to buy their album.

I've seen some screen shots of the magic roundabout, looks amazing.

ChumpStain

The Godfather Trilogy: The Re-imagining

Director: McG

Don Vito Corleone: Bernie Mac
Michael Corleone: Snoop Dogg
Sonny Corleone: Jackie Chan
Tom Hagen: Tom Green
Kay Adams: Jennifer Lopez

Expected Box Office Tally: 2 Billion Dollars

I for one am living in hope

Creature

MacGuyver - The Movie

Directed by - Steven Segal

Starring -

David Hasslehoff as MacGuyver
William Shatner as Pete Thornton
John Travolta as Jack Dalton
Dolph Lundgren as Murdoc

The Real B-man

Originally posted by Zoton
Great thread!

Here's my addition.

The A-Team
Director - David Cronenberg, everyone will die bloodily unlike the tv series
Writer - Charlie Kaufman, it will make no sense

hey i was gonna say that you spoiled my fun

whould be cool thow Mr T played by martin lawerance "hey hey whats it at i kill the crazy fool danm!!

ChumpStain

Police Academy 8, how crazy would that be? I'm just glad this film will NEVER, EVER be made, oh wait whats this ?