Howta speak widda Dubblelin accident!

Flukey

Howta speak widda Dubbelin accident: Introductory notes. PART 1

Here follow some pointers to Dublin life for you culture vultures out there who wish to "get to know" Ireland a bit better. This is an eclectic (I have no idea what that means but it looks impressive) and highly personalised guide to the verbal life of de cappitel city of Ireland. It is divided into conveniently packaged parts for use on specific occasions and will be and invaluable asset for brits, merkins, foreigners in general,sundry culchies and posh people who wish to mingle. The lessons are nothing like complete guides and are mere tasters; my fellow Dubs may wish to add their own contributions.

1) Surviving

Dublin is a tough city on the face of it. Most of the aggression is ritualistic and it is essential to know how to deal with basic street encounters. The streets are full of:

Bowsies, hard chaws, hard men, hardos, gougers and other miscellaneous tough types.

These characters roam the streets looking for excitement and throwing shapes.

It is essential not to stare at these gentlemen, especially if you have a non-Dubbelin accent. You must cultivate a vacant intense stare (looking straight ahead or at the ground) and a lumbering slouch and must respond
whah?
hoh?
nggggguh?
or any meaningless grunts that might imply mild intoxication and a mean/non-educated disposition if they say ANYTHING to you.

It is worth repeating, NEVER LOOK THESE PEOPLE DIRECTLY IN THE EYE!!! (Unless you are a 7th dan hard man or greater).

If you do, you will be assumed to want to challenge said individuals. They will be forced to confront you with:

* You lookin at me pal?
The answer to this is ALWAYS:
* sorry

followed by a hasty exit. If you respond:
* no
the gouger will be forced to respond
* You callin me a liar?
And you are then in deep sh1te (see later lesson for excretions and secretions).

The only way out then is to pretend to be Danish. That will leave them baffled long enough for you to run like the jayzis.

2) School (pronounced Skee-oo-well and usually followed by a spit to the pavement)

Traditionally every male (female contributors may wish to add their own experiences) in the country went to one of two types of school:

a) comprehensives and fee paying schools (where you do things like art and learn languages and do exams and learn to be a better individual)

b) de brudders (also know as those ignorant f***ers or that crowd of bastards or The Christian Brothers). Here you learned about Irish history (Matthew Huntbach would not like it), Irish culture and how to avoid getting the sh|t kicked out of you by big men (usually not from Dublin) in dresses.

Here are some important phrases:

* Mala scoile (pronounced maw-lah skullya): school bag
* Mo Mhala Scoile (pronounced mo-wallah skullya): My f*ckin School Bag,
* you thieven ****
* Sambos: sandwiches.
* Ekker or ekkers: homework
* Mitching: going on the hop playing truant
* Snared: caught smoking cigarettes behind the bicycle shed
* Snared rapid: caught shooting heroin
* Grush or Grushee throwing sweets (or later, packets of heroin) into the air to see the mayhem as 30 kids dive on them all at once.
* Beemer: A fast German car
* Bleedin beemer: A very fast German car
* De Hedder: school principal
* Mill: a fight
* Millin or Layin: Administering a beating in a fight. "He was millin into im." "He was layin into im."
* Loosies: loose cigarettes (most kids could not afford entire packets so we would buy them loose from certain shops).

That is enough for now. I am too old to remember much more.

3) Language

Dubliners do speak English but it is full of phrases and terminology that is not found in other English-speaking parts of the world. Words are often not completely pronounced with the last letter or letters being silent. For example, Words ending in 'ing' are often pronounced with an 'in' ending. Words ending with 't' are often pronounced without the 't' sound. Sentences like "I am going out tonight" are more likely to be pronounced "I am goin ow tonigh." Words with single syllables are often pronounced as having two syllables. Words like 'told' are prounounced 'toe ild'. I and My are frequently replaced with Me. The word Bleedin is one of the politer terms for adding emphasis to sentences. eg “I’ll bleedin kill ya!” Bleedin therefore rarely refers to the shedding of blood although in discussing the outcome of a ‘Mill’ it may come up in this form – “He was bleedin bleedin”

The pub

Dubliners are suspicious (of foreigners and culchies (see later)especially) And are constantly on the look out for being set up in conversation in the pub. They will constantly question the veracity of suspect statements with a contemptuous negation such as in the following scene:

Person1: Manchester United are tremendous.
Person2: They are in me arse.

The ARSE above can be replaced by any of the following, more or less freely:

Bollix, granny, brown, hole

e.g. They are in me granny etc.

This can be abbreviated to just Me Arse or Me Granny or Me Bollix or Me Brown. It must be said/spat out with the correct degree of contempt and disbelief. Repetitions are optional, but if delivered, MUST be with increased volume.

Sobriety is a pitiful affliction which will be remedied by copious quantities of miscellaneous stouts and lagers. There are numerous names for this, most of which are also used elsewhere in Ireland and even further afield but it is important to be fluent in all of them:

Flutered, Langers, Langered, Pissed, Stocious, Mouldy (pronounced mowl-dey), Bollixed, sh|t-faced

Flukey

PART 2

4a) People

The use of nouns for different categories of people is very regular and simple.

Males are fellahs and wimmin are wans

Boys are the youngfellas and girls are youngwans
Older males become oulfellas
Your father is THE oulfella or ME oulfella
Older wimmin are oulwans and your mother is THE oulwan or ME oulwan

It is essential to master the use of the 1st person post-indicative whereby you can refer to a person without using their name as yer man or yer wan being the person in question e.g.

Did you see yer man the other day?
(did you see the person in question on that day whose name I will not repeat?).

Similarly, The Other can be used to refer to the matter in question (perhaps of a sensitive nature) e.g. Did you see yer man about the other?



4b) Bold parts of the body.
Arse, hole botty
sh1te see under botty above
Willy, micky, lad male naughty bit
Bollix attached to above
Gee female naughty bit
c*nt stupid person, or female naughty bit
Jars more female bold parts

The rest of the body is named as per normal (e.g. elbows and fingers).


4c) People from different exotic places Dublin has now expanded enormously but in olden days it was divided into two parts by the River Liffey: De Nortside (where all true Dubbeliners live) and De Sou-side (full of homosexuals, foreigners, protestants, academics, teetotallers and WORST OF ALL culchies (see below)).

This classification is no longer valid as half of Thurles and Limerick now reside in Phibsboro and De Soutside has some very respectable places like Tallaght, Ballyfermot and Clondalkin where real people live.

Traditionally it was not sufficient to live North of the Liffey to be a real Dub; it was said that anyone born beyond The Five Lamps was a culchie or from Northern Ireland. (For you culchies reading this, and trying to improve your lot in life, the 5 lamps is a famous landmark situated about 500 yards North of the Liffey.)

Brendan Behan famously referred to one of the lots of people above (I cannot remember which lot) as:

They ate their young out there.

Everyone else is foreign (i.e. Danish, British or American) or a CULCHIE. Culchies are anyone from any part of the globe who is not foreign (see above) and who does not speak with a pronounced Dubbelin Accident. They work in the civil service and police, listen to Daniel O'Donnell or Big Tom and are also known as:

bog men, boggers, mockers, muck savages, culchies, mulchies, munchies amongst others.

It is the worst possible insult to be called one of these names if you are from Dublin.

You MUST respond with immediate violence or emigrate.

4 d)

Females and sex

Most Dublin males are obsessed with women and sex. Women can be referred to by a number of names (see above) but there are some that are particulary associated with sex and girlfriends.

Mott(with silent t's, not moe!) or Bird - girlfriend.

"I am meetin the mo tonigh."

The act or prospect of having sex is always a common element of conversation. Such conversations can often be competitive with men often exagerating their sexual prowess in an effort to outdo the other parties to the conversation. Again, various phrases are associated with such conversations.

"I got me hole las nigh" - I engaged in the act of sexual intercourse last night.

Dublin men are obsessed with the female of the species. The Dublin female, unlike other Irish females, can be quite aggressive and must be treated with care. This is a lesson younger Dublin males learn quickly, although often having sustained some damage to their physical manhood. Because of the volatility of the Dublin female Dublin men will often size them up from a distance and in the company of other males. This is both for protection and for the opportunity to demonstrate to their friends their knowledge and bravery, should they attempt to approach the female in question. In sizing up females various language can be used:

"Look at the arse on yer wan" Observe the posterior of that female.
“I wouldn mind avin er” I would like to engage in sexual intercourse with that female.

It is important to note that phrases like this can be used both in appreciation and non-appreciation. It is important therefore to watch for other indicators such as the tone of voice and the facial expression in order to determine what way the statement is intended. Other phrases can be far more easily distinguished.

"She is bleedin gorgeous" That female is very attractive
"I wouldn touch her with yours" I would not engage in sexual intercourse with that female even with the use of your penis"


Sport

The majority of Dublin males and many females have a high interest in sport. Favourites include Gaelic Football and Soccer. The former is often referred to as 'Ga' or 'Gaelic'. Gaelic Football is one of Irelands two national sports. The second is Hurling, a stick and all field game of high speed and skill. This however is not so popular with Dubliners and they often think of the game as being associated with 'culchies' (see above). The most important Gaelic Football matches are played in the Summer months on Sunday afternoons. Most of these games are played in Croke Park, a large stadium on the Northside of the city. It is one of the few parts of Dublin that large groups of'Culchies' can frequently be seen in Dublin. Croke Park is usually referred to by Dubliners as 'Croker.' When the Dublin Gaelic Football team play in Croke Park large attendances of Dublin fans can be expected, though prior to 1974 and the emergence of a good Football team Dubliners, at that time known as Heffo’s Army, would not have been seen anywhere near Croke Park and it was the preserve exclusively of Culchies. This is still the case when their Hurling team play. True Dubliners will congregate on 'Hill 16' the now only remaining terrace on the city. On Hill 16 itself, the true, true Dubiners will congregate on the part of Hill 16 which is behind the goal. In order to mingle safely with Dubliners on Hill 16 it is essential to be familiar with a number of phrases and to speak or more commonly chant or sing these with a very strong Dublin accent.


"Come on ye boys in blue!"
"The referee's a wanker!"
"You're not singin anymore!"

A rendition of "Molly Malone", the song most associated with the city of Dublin, is often sung.

The other major sport of interest to Dubliners is soccer. The local soccer clubs are not of a very high standard, so many Dubliners will follow English soccer clubs. Nearly everything associated with England is treated with considerable disdain, so this is in many ways exceptional. Equally unusual is the singing of the Culchie song “The Fields of Athenry” at International matches in Lansdowne Road in Dublin, though it must be remembered that there would be a large amount of Culchies at these games. This is one of the rare occasions Culchies mix freely and safely with Dubliners.

The people of Dublin are a highly complex being and a good understanding of them is very useful. Hopefully you have now an insight into them. Should you visit Dublin, please, in your own interests, read through this document carefully. Good Luck and enjoy your stay.

fizzynicenice

hehe, it funny cos its true

Micheal Wittman

lol, thats great:)

mayordenis

roffles , its well long though.

garthv

hah good un

Ste.phen

thas bleedin deadly!

Falkorre

is blurdy brill, is'ent it.
bu not ell ovus tauk likeit



B

*Sinéad*

wudya geh oura me garden, who de **** speaks like dah in Dublin. Bleedin eejit.
**** sake.

Sinéad-Tallaght

TomTom

Gwan the culchies

Zetsuei

This should be available in Tourist Information offices.

Big Ears

TomTom wrote:

Gwan the culchies

I would have to agree with that statement .

Töpher

Fookin rapih bud!

Sarky

Not so much funny as accurate.

Thumper Long

it must be said not all people indigenous to Dublin use that vulgar vernacular, but it is the communication medium of the scrotes in society.............

smoke.me.a.kipper

its a long read, but well worth it. brilliant stuff!!

Suaimhneach

Fair play. A lot of effort gone into that. And it is funny cuz it is true!