~untitled poems~ first time post

visigoth

Untitled

A sea of bodies
awaits you,
rolling and screaming,
their voices a howl
on the tips of the wind,

And when you meet them,
the chaos
will be sweeter.

You,
Will fill them with change.

Untitled 2

Bones creaking,
with every twist and turn,
the body
attempts stillness.

The 8 hour death,
is yet to come.

And the clutter
in the mind
is the weakness.

visigoth

Any comments, or constructive criticism?

BEAT

sorry Visigoth,
I meant to reply before but became distracted with work.

I like your style, the first paints a picture of hell for me, go figure

The second I like but to me it seems to be cut short, I think it would be better if you kept going with that...put some more subtance into it as it has a good beginning.

Thanks for posting and feel free to share some more of your work

visigoth

Your view on the first poem is not something I expected, but now that I think about it, I could be percieved that way. It's not often that I get constructive opinion, so thank you.
Perhaps you are right about the second poem, I shall look into this futher... and try to build upon the initial idea.
Thank you.

Nemici

liked it a lot but would definitely like to see more !

visigoth

thanks I'll post more soon