Why are guys so scared?

pretty-in-pink

A question here for the men of boards,

why is it you can accept a girl as being smart ,funny, caring, flirty, girly, dizzy, deep, boyish etc etc.....basicly as however she is until you date her?

then you seem to expect us to change to suit you, become sex kitten housewives who bend to your every desire? then say we are being to easy, then when we tell you to shove it you say we are being cows? why do ye make fun of us and only get really sweet and interested when another guy hits on us? then blame us when alone with us for guys hitting on us?

why say one thing,and do another?


or is this just my experience?

Jim

Just your experience.
But we do have low attention spans.

Oh! A bee!
/me wanders off

Beruthiel

I believe this would be better off in After Hours

and yes
it's just your experience
B

bizmark

And there i was thinking it was the other way around

leeroybrown

naughty_girl wrote:

then you seem to expect us to change to suit you

Hello pot, kettle on line 2 ...

ravenhead

I agree with you to an extent but i think a lot of it we have ourselves to blame for - we let guys treat us like that. Take for an example - you are single, out with the girls, all dressed up & you meet a guy, you like each other & start going out & within the next two to three months (less if he is really bad) that when you get dressed up going out & wear what you would have worn when you met him, you will get the 'that's a short skirt' or 'you chest is showing in that top' .... but we like fools let this get to us & thats why we end up with what you're saying.... best thing to do is keep remember - you were you before you met him & you should stay like you after you met him ... keep him on his toes .... you can be sure it will keep his attention!

Flukey

Women want us men to change too!

pickarooney

What's the question again? Something to do with being scared?

Seraphina

no, only idiots think they can change men.

Cake Fiend

Holy hell - a woman saying men are complicated?!?

Have I stepped into some sort of reality-warp over the weekend?

Lozjm

naughty_girl wrote:

then you seem to expect us to change

Rubbish, - we dont want you to change,

But you generally do - around the hips !!!

impr0v

ravenhead wrote:

I agree with you to an extent but i think a lot of it we have ourselves to blame for - we let guys treat us like that. Take for an example - you are single, out with the girls, all dressed up & you meet a guy, you like each other & start going out & within the next two to three months (less if he is really bad) that when you get dressed up going out & wear what you would have worn when you met him, you will get the 'that's a short skirt' or 'you chest is showing in that top' .... but we like fools let this get to us & thats why we end up with what you're saying.... best thing to do is keep remember - you were you before you met him & you should stay like you after you met him ... keep him on his toes .... you can be sure it will keep his attention!

Just to play devil's advocate here......would it not be reasonable to suggest that the initial style of clothing, the one worn when single and out with the girls, is advertising oneself as available? There are no hard and fast rules but surely a certain style of dress says 'I'm single and looking,' perhaps the short skirt and revealing top which you mention, and when that woman/girl is neither available nor looking (in theory), wouldn't a more conservative style of clothing be more appropriate? Like one that dosen't attract all the predators in the room like flies to a blue light.

dubhthach

ravenhead wrote:

you will get the 'that's a short skirt' or 'you chest is showing in that top' .... but we like fools let this get to us & thats why we end up with what you're saying.... best thing to do is keep remember - you were you before you met him & you should stay like you after you met him ... keep him on his toes .... you can be sure it will keep his attention!

Don't know much about other guys but i've always encourage my girlfriends to dress up

As for the original post well aren't generalisations great, though i will admit there are guys who act like this but it's not like women are immune from this sorta behaviour either. The important thing to remember is just cause the guys you been with act like that doesn't mean that we are all like that.

ferdi

ToxicPaddy

Probably a lot to do with the type of guy you go for too..

Ive never expected a girl to change in anyway for me. Granted you will both
have habits that might irritate the other a little bit then all you have to do
there is either:

A: try and not do them in front of the other person when they are around..
B: tell that person that this is the way you are and they can either accept it or
not

Some people change their habits naturally over time when in a relationship but
this is usually done subconsciously (sp?) to compliment their partners habits
and their partner does the same..

If the guys you go for expect you to change just because you are going out
with them then maybe you should go looking for a different type of guy as
they obviously arent interested in for the person you are just what just what
the person they believe they can change you into...

A few girls and guys I know think like this, but they always go for the same
type of guy or girl and its usually based solely on looks.. couldnt care less
what they are like personality wise as long as they look good on their arm and
then start giving out like hell when this person they are seeing starts all this
crap.. so they usually finish it and go out again looking for the exact same
type of person.. what do they expect? :rolleyes:

Tox

Mighty_Mouse

boyish

Think I spotted your problem!

Sleepy

Learn to choose nicer guys. Here's a hint - they won't look like they belong in a boyband.

][cEMAN**

Actually i'm probably just as demanding but I think the opposite to what you're saying.

When I meet a girl who's "smart ,funny, caring, flirty, girly, dizzy, deep, boyish etc etc", then I expect them to stay that way. A lot of the time though they tend to go "Ok i'm in a relationship now I can just stop trying, and just veg out a bit. I was faking most of that stuff so I can just stop now". But then i'm talking about a lot of women where I live and who i've had experience with. I'm still out trying to find Ms. Right :P

Worst thing imo is when you're in a relationship for a long time and then you just run out of stuff to say to each other. If i'm with someone I can't talk to then that's it.

But in respect to the above, I don't mind g/f letting her hair down and going wild, but if she strays, then it's over. You have to have standards.

Rant over? hehe

Stephen

Yes, why don't you just tar us all with the same brush?

ven0m

naughty_girl wrote:

A question here for the men of boards,

why is it you can accept a girl as being smart ,funny, caring, flirty, girly, dizzy, deep, boyish etc etc.....basicly as however she is until you date her?

then you seem to expect us to change to suit you, become sex kitten housewives who bend to your every desire? then say we are being to easy, then when we tell you to shove it you say we are being cows? why do ye make fun of us and only get really sweet and interested when another guy hits on us? then blame us when alone with us for guys hitting on us?

why say one thing,and do another?


or is this just my experience?

Question really is why do women always expect men to change & put them first over the blokes mates......

::: ven0mous :::

tba

Heres a good bit of advice, guys who dont care what you wear and still come up to you in a night club when your in your jeans, t-shirt etc. (ie. as yourself) will not try to change you. We are simple creatures dont over analysis us its pointless.

nads

naughty_girl wrote:

A question here for the men of boards,

why is it you can accept a girl as being ... funny... QUOTE]

Funny? :eek:


Men stick to the one true unified maxim: "Every Hole's a Goal."

Sometimes blokes will be big phonies inorder score women - it's true

Puck

nads wrote:

Men stick to the one true unified maxim: "Every Hole's a Goal."

Sometimes blokes will be big phonies inorder score women - it's true

Speak for yourself.

To the original poster, please stop using sweeping generalisations based on your limited, and unfortunate, experience to define men.

Ruaidhri

i think you are confusing lack of communication with being scared. what goes on in your head remains in there unless you talk to him about it ( how un-sexy is that when you can just jump your partner )

Sarn

I don't see how these reasons make guys seem scared. If that's the case then I know a hell of a lot of very scared women.

naughty_girl wrote:

then you seem to expect us to change to suit you

Speaking from my experience, it has to be the other way around. Maybe a slight generalisation but it seems to apply to certain male criteria. Where I work (~70% women), it has often come up in conversation that the way a bloke dresses can be a problem. The first thing they do if they like a guy is try and change the way he dresses (if he dresses in an inappropriate style). Now I'm not talking about going out clothes, it's the every day run of the mill clothes i.e. fundamental change.

I (and those men I know) would never influence what a woman wears on a day to day basis, personally going out clothes would be off limits as well.

Obviously I would not be too impressed if my girlfriend was being hit on all the time (although it would show that I had a great girlfriend), so it would only be natural to reinforce to other guys that this is your girlfriend, but the same would definitely happen in reverse.

Relationships are always full of compromises, some we can live with, others we have to accept (eventually). The important thing regardless of what sex you are is not to force unwelcome change on somebody. God knows I appreciate positive changes.

naughty_girl wrote:

become sex kitten housewives who bend to your every desire? then say we are being too easy

Never gonna happen

monument

Agreed with comments along the lines of puck's.

What has "Why are guys so scared?" got to do with the questions, and generalisations, in the main body of your post?

OfflerCrocGod

nads wrote:

Men stick to the one true unified maxim: "Every Hole's a Goal."

That's good enough to be a .sig

sceptre

naughty_girl wrote:

why is it you can accept a girl as being smart ,funny, caring, flirty, girly, dizzy, deep, boyish etc etc.....basicly as however she is until you date her?

then you seem to expect us to change to suit you, become sex kitten housewives who bend to your every desire? then say we are being to easy, then when we tell you to shove it you say we are being cows? why do ye make fun of us and only get really sweet and interested when another guy hits on us? then blame us when alone with us for guys hitting on us?

Isn't the old adage something like "Men get married to women hoping they'll never change whereas women marry men thinking they can change them"?

Personally speaking, my other half is close enough to perfect for me that there's very little I'd like to change. Quality bird and all that. She's somewhat lucky to have me as well but I probably got the better deal.

Kold

naughty_girl wrote:

A question here for the men of boards,

why is it you can accept a girl as being smart ,funny, caring, flirty, girly, dizzy, deep, boyish etc etc.....basicly as however she is until you date her?

then you seem to expect us to change to suit you, become sex kitten housewives who bend to your every desire? then say we are being to easy, then when we tell you to shove it you say we are being cows? why do ye make fun of us and only get really sweet and interested when another guy hits on us? then blame us when alone with us for guys hitting on us?

why say one thing,and do another?


or is this just my experience?

It was the agreement with God. Adam didn't give his rib for nothin' you know.

AngryBadger

naughty_girl wrote:

A question here for the men of boards,

why is it you can accept a girl as being smart ,funny, caring, flirty, girly, dizzy, deep, boyish etc etc.....basicly as however she is until you date her?

then you seem to expect us to change to suit you, become sex kitten housewives who bend to your every desire? then say we are being to easy, then when we tell you to shove it you say we are being cows? why do ye make fun of us and only get really sweet and interested when another guy hits on us? then blame us when alone with us for guys hitting on us?

why say one thing,and do another?


or is this just my experience?

I think we could ask women exactly the same question. And without a context for what you're saying it's impossible for me to give you an answer. All I can say is that when you meet a girl first, it's just flirting, there' no heavy emotional exchange going on, if the two of you start dating that changes. Now you'#re learning about each other, and you're not always going to like what you find out.

Could be that you've just not found a guy you hit it off with yet, and so when you start seeing guys, the lack of compatibility causes them to get pissed or something.

Mossy Monk

hmmmmmmmmmm
scared of what?

Sarky

SOCK PUPPETS!

[/Simpson's_Quote]

Sleepy

Keep on prooving that law Sarky.

"Keep up the good work boys"

koneko

You're dating the wrong kind of men, love.
You also seem to have a fairly negative attitude towards them. Men, women, we're all people. Don't generalise and don't expect to know what they'll be like and you'll be fine.

jor el

Sarky wrote:

SOCK PUPPETS!

What! Where! Ahhhh! :eek:

As to the original question, I'd say this is just your experience, as echoed in many posts above. What I'd like to konw is why the girls always seem to pick ar$eholes that will treat them bad over decent guys? And keep going for the same type over and over, do women really think thay can change a complete tosser into a kind and loving partner?

Sleepy

Come to one of the boards beers, loads of nice guys there and a lot of 'em are single. We won't try and change you, well, corrupting you doesn't count as changing you does it?

Lozjm

Sleepy wrote:

Come to one of the boards beers, loads of nice guys there and a lot of 'em are single. We won't try and change you, well, corrupting you doesn't count as changing you does it?

And some very good looking and rich :-)

blondie83

koneko wrote:

You're dating the wrong kind of men, love.

I agree with that - if a guy wants to change you, then it just means he can't accept you for who you are. It's a bit of a generalisation to say all men are like this though - based on personal experience I would say that its not all that common.

Lozjm

Sorry OT but this is for blondie

blondie83

good picture, but it gets a bit boring when its the 10th time you've had someone send it to you

pretty-in-pink

ok so this has all brought a smile to my face (what do ya know real sweet guys out there.....)

two part reply

1)
when i said scared i meant
stuff like starting to freak out when said girlfriend wants to cuddle you, kiss you, you know couple stuff- bringing on accusations from male to female of being clingy......when just a few months previous to this type of thing said male wanted to get married, and stay in cuddling 24/7. is it just a reaction to a long term relationship, or a cry for help as they want to be with more then one person in their life?(i took his flower.....)

and not letting go of past boyfriends/lovers(i cant help that i had sex before him, so why use it now as a weapon?..- "if you really ,loved me you would have come to me way sooner, broken up with rat-boy, not had a brief fling with an old flame yadda yadda yadda)

and how some guys need another bloke to say "your woman is fine/she is sexy/look at that ass/id do her(romantic :rolleyes: )" before they get really interested in the super fun naughty bold stuff.

interesting point about types......my boyfreinds have always tried to change me (sports,music, freinds,clothes,level of intelligence).now i know im naive and i know jack about so called general knowledge but i love interesting stuff, like art, english, politics, physcology etc.

2)
money does not rank that high on my list, its nice to have but id rather feel cherished, loved, desired, respected and liked. as for corrupting me......what do ya have in mind

Zulu

naughty_girl wrote:

when i said scared i meant
stuff like starting to freak out when said girlfriend wants to cuddle you, kiss you, you know couple stuff- bringing on accusations from male to female of being clingy......when just a few months previous to this type of thing said male wanted to get married, and stay in cuddling 24/7.

Well if it's been constant for the past few months, he's probably bored by now. P45 is being typed up! :eek:

naughty_girl wrote:

and not letting go of past boyfriends/lovers(i cant help that i had sex before him, so why use it now as a weapon?..- "if you really ,loved me you would have come to me way sooner, broken up with rat-boy, not had a brief fling with an old flame yadda yadda yadda).

So he's jellous. Thats not exclusive to men!

naughty_girl wrote:

and how some guys need another bloke to say "your woman is fine/she is sexy/look at that ass/id do her(romantic :rolleyes: )" before they get really interested in the super fun naughty bold stuff.

Hummm, sounds a little immature. I never needed support to get it on, that said, it's nice to be told your girlfriends a ride. :eek:

Sleepy

Your (ex?) boyfriend sounds incredibly immature and sexually insecure for starters, however:

If the affection your boyfriend is accusing you of being clingy for is blatantly public, he's got a point. Most men don't go in for Public Displays of Affection, they're extremely embaressing to be either in or around and completely tacky. If it's in private, the relationship is over...

To be honest, ye don't sound overly compatible in the first place. If he needs encouragement from his friends to get into sex, you've really got problems.

As for corrupting you? Well, you'll have to buy me a couple of drinks before I could say how I'd do that

azezil

find yourself a gay man gurly, you'll get all the cuddles and touchy feely crap u want

pretty-in-pink

present or past? i dunno, working on leaving i guess, everytime i get close to leaving, he gets all sweet. but this is boring for you so not screwed in the head people, coming to the conclusion monogomy and a relationship are not worth the hassle. why should someone be jealous,i mean if you are with them and not anyone else, then its for a reason? god do we wreck mens heads this much?

and sleepy, a few of my special cocktails, and you'll be singing like a canary

but il bet you couldnt corrupt me.................

Zulu

naughty_girl wrote:

present or past? i dunno, working on leaving i guess, everytime i get close to leaving, he gets all sweet. but this is boring for you so not screwed in the head people, coming to the conclusion monogomy and a relationship are not worth the hassle. why should someone be jealous,i mean if you are with them and not anyone else, then its for a reason?

Well if he wasn't jellous, what would it say? Personally, I'm a little jellous. I like my ladies to be a little jellous. It shows people care about each other. On the other hand, no-one like the scary jellous, "are you lookin at my missus!" type.

naughty_girl wrote:

god do we wreck mens heads this much?

Good christ yes, yes you do, but that's why we love you!

pretty-in-pink

yeah but you should feel comfortable in a relationship, ah well, thats life. now wheres the vodka cocktails corner?

ravenhead

naughty_girl wrote:

yeah but you should feel comfortable in a relationship, ah well, thats life. now wheres the vodka cocktails corner?

Are you sure it's not you that's feeling uncomfortable in the relationship?
Or is it your b/f that's making you feel this way?

cerbeus

Did someone say Vodka cocktails??? Where, lead me to them!

Sleepy

What kind of cocktails are we talkin' about here?

I agree with you naughty girl, you should feel comfortable in a relationship, if you don't what's the point. That said, it's human nature to feel jealous if someone else was all over your partner in your presence or while you're going out. You can't really be jealous of someone's past though. Unless they were to start going on about how much better in bed their previous partner was or something, though that's never happened to me and I can't imagine going out with anyone that'd say it even if it was true (however unlikely )

pretty-in-pink

i dont feel comfortable anymore. to aware of what not to say, or wear, or how not to behave. it stings like dettol on a cut.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............ vodka cocktails.......or even just straight vodka......lets just all get plastered and forget about our problems.