Told the mother

LegacyUser

The mother confronted me about being gay yesterday.

her "Hope you don't do something that will destroy the rest of your life"
me "What the **** are you on about"
her "You don't want to make a mistake now that will effect the rest of your life"
me "What is it, you think I got someone pregnant or what, please just cut the bull and get to the point."

This is where it get blurry in my mind

her "hope you haven't been with a man, because theres no future in it, you'll destroy you'r life, there's nothing like a relationship with a woman."
me "what the **** do you want from me, what do you want me to do"
her "I want you to be normal"
me "Well what hte ****s normal, tell me and I'll be it"
her "don't start that crap, Normal's not being gay"
me "Sorry I can't be the son you want me to be"
her "so you are gay"
me "..... I think you know the answer to that"

Then followed much tears on her part, with a sizable amounth of blame and guilt. Mainly cause i pointed out all the **** that has gone on in the past and this is the thing that she chooses to have a problem with. weird thing is I don't consider myself Gay, straight or BI, I'm just a a guy who has fallen in love with another guy. I don't know this is all messing with me a little.

oneweb

Before I start, I haven't come out to my mother, not yet anyways, so I'm not claiming to know what it's like. I do know, however that in the majority of cases a mother will have her maternal instincts and wants to see her kids (eventually) have kids of their own, have a family and all the 'usual' stuff.

There's also an element of what I believe to be selfishness on a parent's part. 'What will other people think', that sorta stuff. Maybe she's pissed that she found out indirectly? There's a lot of possibilities, but at the end of the day as much as you should respect the folks, it is your life to do with whatever and however you choose. Try and make it known to her that you appreciate her concern but that you're happy with your sexuality...

They're gas really, if they're not worried about a bun in the oven they're worried about the possibility of there never gonna be a bun in the oven :rolleyes:

moridin

Ouch, that's nasty.

Often it takes a while for parents to "come around" to accepting that their children aren't going to live the "normal" 2.4 kids lifestyle and in a lot of cases that can be pretty shocking for a parent to deal with.

I was really close to my mum until she found out that I was gay, and then she stopped talking to me completely for about a month or so, and burst into tears any time that she saw me... it was a pretty nasty time all told. Now however, she's accepted it (well, I think she has), and even admits to liking my ex-boyfriend. I don't think it was until she met him and realised what a lovely guy he is that she was able to accept in her mind that because I'm gay it doesn't mean that I'm a slut or that I'm going to go around sleeping with freaks.

Remember, it takes most people a while to come to terms with themselves as gay, and in general they know for longer than anyone else. Imagine how your parents might feel at learning this out of the blue. While the best case scenario is that they'll support you out of the box, it might take a little while for them to get to grips with it first.

damien

Jesus, that could have been handled so much better by both parties. You need to take the moral highground on this. You need to be the calm one if she isn't.

Your mother I feel explained herself badly. From the transcript of the Coronation Street drama it appears to be that she's concerned for you and your future, she doesn't understand that sexuality is not a choice for you and she probably felt that she could convince you to change your mind by being so nasty about homosexuality.

It's just a suggestion but you two should have a chat again. This time in a calm manner. You being the calming influence, and no matter what stay calm. Tell her you know she wants the best for you and you know her concerns are genuine but explain this is who you are and this is what makes you happy.

She'll probably have concerns about what others think and how people will treat her baby but you can reassure her you'll be fine. And you will.

moridin

It might be an idea to give it a little time first, couple of days

solice

it can be very difficult to deal with parents, their unconditional love and desire to protect you from all that is bad in the world can sometimes seem a little smothering. but she does have your best interests at heart.

i toldd my parents over 6 years ago now and still my mother isnt dealing with it very well. i have had to tell her twice that i am gay before she started to believe me. now she does believe me she still doesnt like it. she finds it extremely difficult to accept and has told me that it will be a long time before she does.

fact is our parents are from an older generation. homosexuality was unknown to the vast majority of them when they were growing up. they have images in their mind of what homosexuality is "dirty sleazy bars down dark alleys with men all dressed in leather and people having sex on the bar". its not that your mother is homophobic, its not that your mother doesnt want you to be happy, she is just worried. she has an opinion, it may be wrong but its up to you to change it. dont be confrontational with her, talk to her and let her know that you are happy.

its a two way situation, you want to be happy, your mother wants you to be happy and safe. you have to change her stereotype opinion of what homosexuality is so that she will be more open to who and what you are.

you have to teach her that its ok to be gay

ixoy

What happened with you sounds fairly traumatic, but it's also, to some degree or another, something that many of us experienced at one stage or another.

Your mother wanting you to be "normal" is something I experienced too. There's a number of reasons for it probably. For a start she's concerned about you, as you'd expect. As Solice said, there's a certain perception of what gay men are like for her generation that's hard to shake off. I didn't fit into my mum's preconceptions initially, so therefore I was - to her - misguided. A phase, etc. When things didn't change over time, gradually she began to accept the truth that I may be gay. There was the mixture of worry and recrimination there then. She was worried about my leading a happy life, which is quite sweet, and of the obvious fear of STIs (she would have seen more of the AIDs pandemic than I ever really did). But there was also a guilt factor - the fact that my Mum could never tell her friends, for example, was laid out. That was hardly my problem was it? But, for a while, it was almost an accusation, as if I were being deliberately difficult about the issue. Then there's every mother's desire, on some level, that she'd like to see grandchildren at some point. I guess that's biological and understandable, but - at the time - I didn't need the guilt trip.

So how did it get resolved? Time and calmness. Although these issues are bound to maybe want to make you shout and scream, because they're bloody emotive, you really need to steel yourself and talk to your mum properly. Address her worries. Many mothers, it seems, often think that it's something they did in bringing you up that made you "choose" to be this way. Find out if she thinks this in any way and reassure her that there was never any choice in feeling the way you do, that it happened and - more importantly - the feeling is right for you. I think that when my Mum met my boyfriend, saw me around him, that - more than anything - brought it home that I wasn't choosing anything, but doing what was natural to me.

Just keep yourself together and remember, ultimately, you both want what's best for you and you just need to see it from both points of view.

Aurther Hugh

ixoy wrote:

Just keep yourself together and remember, ultimately, you both want what's best for you and you just need to see it from both points of view.

Absolutely, you both need to try and understand the other ones point of view. My best friend has a little lad and we were discussing the other night how she'd feel if he was gay. And she said it would break her heart, not because she'd be ashamed or disgusted or wouldnt understand it's just because it's every mothers instinct to want their children to have the easiest route through life possible and she said that the thought of him having a hard time from ignorant people, or agonising with confused feelings as a teen would be really hard for her to contemplate.

Yoda

She's going to grieve. They often do. It's not their fault; their world often tells them that being gay is not supposed to be a part of life. Be patient with her.

However you feel about men or women, they're your feelings. You don't choose your sexuality. You're not doing something "to destroy your life". That's a mistaken view on your mum's part. That will take some education.

This is well worth the read.

Be true to yourself.

LegacyUser

I don't know, Think is in recent months I've given her alot to think about, like why the hell I brought a girl home, into my bed, and didn't sleep with her, why I seem to be in love with another girl, why I seem to be going out of my way to spend time around yet another girl. I really don't know, its just there's alot of love between me and this guy, been through the **** together and came out the other side. I thought that good or bad experience I'd be happy my first time was him, a close personal friend. I don't think I'd ever be with another man other then him, it's just the closeness that attracts me. Why the hell would I go out trying to score chicks and the like when I've something like that. This is what pisses me off more then anything else, she's trying to box me into one sexuality and one path, she now thinks i'm gay, when I'm far from it.

Yoda

Sounds like you might be bi or you might be, well, you don't know. That's grand. For heaven's sake you're only 19. It's all right not to know what you want. I can't offer you much more advice than: Be Present. Tell you mum that you don't necessarily know what it is that you are looking for, but that you won't settle for anything that isn't right for you. She should support that.

Georgiana

Hi Michael

I'm a mother of a boy, not as old as you. I also have had gay lodgers in my house with whom I was good friends and with whom I have had discussions about the gay lifestyle and issues etc. I don't know if this qualifys me to comment. I'm sure your mother's reaction at the moment is not what you would like it to be. However, she is probably a bit shocked and what is happening does not fit with her dreams and expectations for you. Every mother has dreams and expectations for thier children. My guess is that she will come around if you give her a bit of time and understanding. Don't expect too much from her until she gets used to what is happening. Being a mother is hard work psychologically and every other way. Mothers are easily hurt by their children, because thier emotions are very strong around their children.
The important thing is that she sees her son is still the same person whether hes straight, gay, bi or whatever, and that you care for her and will allow her to care for you. Don't mess up the relationship with your family if you can avoid it. It is great to have family to turn to throughout life. Sorry if I sound like an "auld wan" going on. And good luck.

Rock Climber

Michael_19 wrote:

I don't know, Think is in recent months I've given her alot to think about, like why the hell I brought a girl home, into my bed, and didn't sleep with her, why I seem to be in love with another girl, why I seem to be going out of my way to spend time around yet another girl. I really don't know, its just there's alot of love between me and this guy, been through the **** together and came out the other side. I thought that good or bad experience I'd be happy my first time was him, a close personal friend. I don't think I'd ever be with another man other then him, it's just the closeness that attracts me. Why the hell would I go out trying to score chicks and the like when I've something like that. This is what pisses me off more then anything else, she's trying to box me into one sexuality and one path, she now thinks i'm gay, when I'm far from it.

I can understand what you are going through.
A situation has developed in my own life recently while kinda similar it is a little different.
I'll post here about it later when I've time.

Best advise I can give you for now (as a bisexual myself ) is to be with your friend if thats what you want.
Enjoy the closeness and if your first time is with him and thats what you want and thats what happens well Fair play boy

To be brutally frank with you, your mother loves you ( by assumption that is usually the case ) so be totally clinical as regards her input into your love life at this stage ie be aware of it but make your own decision and do what you feel is right here not her, it's your life and it is you who suffers when you don't follow the path that you are drawn to.
One thing I've learned being bi over the last few years is it's not easy but it helps if you look at yourlove life as being with the person that you want to be with.
Their gender doesn't matter.
That way when you will have your long term partner it will be the partner you want and whether its a boy or not well so be it , if it is!
Best of luck

LegacyUser

I came to the conclusion I was probably bi-Sexual a little while ago. I just had this urge to do something, but I always said I’d try it out with a girl first. Unfortunately that didn’t work out to well, My mom caught me in bed with a girl, things hadn’t gone to far, but they where well on the way(she was naked I wasn’t). Thing was the whole time I wasn’t into it, I was just waiting for it to end, getting caught was a relieve tbh, it just didn’t feel right, especially since I have no feelings for the girl. I felt like **** afterwards for along time. I confided in my friend about this. Kinda raised a few questions for him as well, that he had buried in the past. All these questions where running around my head, like how could I be with someone I care about if I wasn’t sure.
So along came august bank holiday weekend, me and afew friends decide to go away for a few days camping. Due to people pulling out it ended up as just me and the friend in question. The heat was unreal, so we spend the first day in the tent just in our boxers, laying there relaxing. My friend had hurt his back in work that week, and I offered him a back massage (I’m quiet good at them). I found myself enjoying it abit to much and got off him. Later that night we headed out a local pub and got fairly drunk, we then headed back to the tent. It was fairly warm still so we decide to sleep naked in the sleeping bags. So we finished off a bottle of southern comfort, and just talked for awhile. I threw me arm around him, he put his around me, and we joined the sleeping bags together then and just fell asleep on top of each other. I’ve never felt such comfort with anybody else in the life, I felt safe and secure yet utterly vulnerable and exposed to the world. It just seemed so right and natural. Later things developed more, but this is the main thing.

The reason I’m telling you guys this, is because it’s not a sexual thing that started this. Sexuality didn’t even enter my mind, nor physical attraction, It purely emotional. How the hell do I explain this to my mother? How do I explain to her that I like women but I’m seeing this guy? She says I haven’t seen how cruel the world is, and how it will never be accepted, maybe I won’t and maybe it won’t but their not the Important things. Ever since she found out things have been tense, we can barely look at each other. She told me this morning she was awake all night worrying about me. I really don’t want to have to deal with this now. If I had my choice I never would have told her, afraid she might crack and tell my father. That won’t be pretty, in fact I’m sure that will end in violence and me leaving home.

Rock Climber

Jeeze you are starting to remind me of yer man that was posting here a few weeks back (and in a good way)
I think one of the mods recommended that he take up writing romance novels 'cause it was all very sweet.

Firstly I'd like to say to you again fair play, 'cause in my eyes you have done very well and not a thing wrong!

How the hell do I explain this to my mother? How do I explain to her that I like women but I’m seeing this guy?

Look...
You don't have to
You don't have to proclaim to the whole world what has happened or how you feel either, it's between you and your friend and concentrate on that because clearly thats what makes you happy.

Of course your Mum is worried about you, thats what mothers do.
It's nice to know that they in most cases always will but at the same time in situations like this, it can be an awfull nuisance.
Just take your mums attitude as read for now, just don't agravate her and let her settle down(which will take time).

You concentrate on yourself and your friend and that relationship whilst not doing anything visibly or openly to cause your mum to fret any more than already.
Consider your Mum as a challenge in that you are going to convince her(in her position as an onlooker to what you are doing) that you are happy going down the road you are going down and that you are responsible and carefull.
By you doing that ,She should also notice how genuine your feelings are for your friend which will aid the process of her accepting you.

Hope that helps

Georgiana

Just to drive you completely mad Michael, here I am again, a "Mum" figure annoying you on this board!

I totally agree with the previous poster on the point that you don't have to explain anything about your sex life to your Mum. In fact, I don't think it is actually appropriate for Mums and sons to have any detailed discussion about sex lives. Mum (or Dad or anyone else) has no right to be informed about the detail. Sex is a private adult pursuit and the only person to discuss it with is the person you are doing it with. Period.

Having said all that, I would guess that you are going through an experimentation phase and a period of confusion which is part of healthy maturing. One thing which I think would really help relieve your anxiety is to stop trying to find boxes and labels for yourself. Just say to yourself "There is no NEED to put a name or a label on myself". Time will pass. Relationships will happen. Things will fall into place. THIERE IS NO RUSH TO DO OR DECIDE ANYTHING.

If you like, you could say something to your Mum like: "Mum, I'm just finding my way in life and I'm trying to do my best. I don't want you to be worrying about me. I'm not planning to make any decisions or get seriously involved with anyone for ages- man or woman- I'm planning to focus on my study/work etc" That might relive her mind a bit and smooth things over. And finally KEEP YOUR SEX LIFE AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS OUT OF YOUR MOTHERS SIGHT FOR THE MOMENT. What are you doing getting caught in bed by you mother!!! This is very immature behaviour. Sorry if I sound harsh on that!

Georgiana

One thing I forgot to add- don't start acting as if you are a member of the gay community when in reality you are a young man who is simply developing sexually. You are not a member of the gay community at this stage so keep your vision and your sights on a broader plane until such time as you have clearer direction. A gay experience does not mean you are gay just as a hetrosexual experience does not mean you are hetrosexual. Bide your time over the next few years, try not to focus on sexuality excessively, give lots of energy to work/study/other interests and see how things go. It will fall into place.

MistressPandora

I have to admit, I've been "out" since I was 16 as a bi-sexual, and honestly, I wish my mother would get the hint, I've been a bit scared to tell my parents the truth. I'm now 22 and they still don't know. They never enquire about my female friends, but if I bring a male friend home, even for 10 minutes, the poor guy feels as if he's been lined up against the wall, given a blindfold and a cigarette.
"It's not you we don't trust," they say, "it's everyone else we don't trust."

Still, it'd be nice if our parents could be a little more subtle rather than jumping into the deep end and just saying what's on their minds. We may be their children, but we still have feelings.

Beruthiel

Michael_19 wrote:

How the hell do I explain this to my mother? How do I explain to her that I like women but I’m seeing this guy?

as Georgiana said, don't bother explaining to her, she doesn't need to know the details
speaking as a mother of a 16 year old, I believe your mother is being selfish here - ok - she says she is worried for you, but in fairness, all I want from my kid is that she is happy, how she does that is entirely up to her. Your mother does not need to know anything about your sex life - mine certainly doesn't!

She says I haven’t seen how cruel the world is, and how it will never be accepted

hello?
this isn't the 1950's - does anyone really care about this anymore? accepted by who exactly? the neighbours? who gives a toss what they think?
I'm wondering what age your mother is and does she live down the country, it's the only thing that explains her out dated attitude.

She told me this morning she was awake all night worrying about me

I still don't get what she is worrying about?
if my daughter came to me and said she was gay, I think I'd breath a sigh of relief - 'at least she won't get pregnant now and ruin her life!'

in fact I’m sure that will end in violence and me leaving home

it really upsets me that in this day and age a family can still act like this, I feel bad for you.
As others have said already, your mother probably does care a lot about you (it's in built after all) but she is transfering onto you what she considers normal and what she considers will bring you the most happiness - she does not seem to grasp the fact that what works for one person may not work for another. She needs to understand that it's not like you had a choice here, what the hell is 'normal' anyway, I still haven't worked that one out!
as for her comment about 'normal not being gay' - I would have thought that if you are gay, then it's normal for you
Give her a few weeks to think everything she has said to you through, leave it to her to bring up again, perhaps she will calm down and see things more clearly
good luck
a

Stark

My friend told me before about how his mother came into his room crying because she found his brother wearing nail polish. She was pretty bigoted at the time and was brought up in a very strict religious faith. He's since come out of the closet and as far as I know she's perfectly okay with at this stage. My friend did enlist my help a little in acclimatising her to the whole gay thing including announcing that we had a drunken kiss one night in front of her (That was pretty embarrassing for me I must say, at least he didn't have her there for the actual kiss part ). It would be a good idea when you meet gay friends with whom you feel comfortable to introduce her to them, that way she'll get to know that gay people come in "normal" flavours and not just the leather-bound, tank-top wearing, promiscuous stereotypes.

satori

Huney i dont know if this helps but curseing at a woried woman is never a good thing...

LegacyUser

My mum has just been such a huge part of my life. I had a lot of problems as a child and she has always been there and taken care of me. I think it more of a case that she doesn’t want me to have problems, she has know gay men in the past and that has kind of coloured her outlook on it. Thing is she knows the guy, I went to school with him, he’s been around to my house and slept over loads of times. I don’t know if it just fears of me getting close to someone else and loosing me, or what. She said he didn’t think I should be in a relationship with anybody until after college, I mean wtf is that about. I feel like **** without him around, like I can’t wait to be around him again. I’m not really prepared to give this up without seeing how far it could go.

“What are you doing getting caught in bed by you mother!!! This is very immature behaviour”

Wasn’t my idea, I can safely put that one down to me being very drunk and the girl having a thing for me for sometime, and begging me for a place to stay the night. But that’s a different story. As for this being a phase, yea sure it all fun and games and it’s great experiment in this environment, but I don’t think it’s a phase. This is not hormone induced. As for confusing, I’ve never been so sure about something in my life, as I am now. The confusing element comes from not wanting to hurt my mother.

I really don’t understand this comment
“Don’t start acting as if you are a member of the gay community when in reality you are a young man who is simply developing sexually”.

I don’t understand what you mean by gay community, like gay marches or societies or something? going out to gay bars and picking up guys? I don’t think I’ll be doing that, monogamy means a lot to me. I don’t identify myself as being gay anyway.

Mistresspandor, that’s a good point about not trusting anyone, My mother has a terrible fear of me being taken advantage of by people.

Beruthiel. Some of those fears are very real. I’ve seen how people where I live treat homosexuals, it isn’t pretty. The neighbour may not be a problem when they keep there attitudes to themselves. When they do other stuff it becomes a problem. I grew up with guys that would knife someone for a look or over abit of skirt. Not really people who ever need to find out. And she does worry, she’s a worrier, she always things of the worst possible case. As for the violence, that’s a guess, if this was 20 years ago, then that would definitely be how my father would deal with it. being that he’s now 65 and I’m 19, I’m less certain of it. However I’m pretty certain that I’d have to leave for the shake of my parent’s marriage.

Stark. I’ve about seven close gay/bi/whatever friends. It just weird that all the guys that hung around together at school would end up not straight. as for leather-bound and tank-top wearing, well that kinda describes me. Sounds so ad when you say it though.

satori. I'd been awake for 36 hours straight, after working ten hours at my brothers house. I went out for drinks and told another close friend that his two closest friends where not only gay/bi/whatever, but where also together. He then preceeded to drink himself stupid and I spent the night taking care of him and followed him back to his house. By the time my mother started questioning me I was neither in the mood nor form for it. Thinking back now if I had had more sleep I would have just told her what she wanted to hear and left it.

Stark

Stark. I’ve about seven close gay/bi/whatever friends. It just weird that all the guys that hung around together at school would end up not straight. as for leather-bound and tank-top wearing, well that kinda describes me. Sounds so ad when you say it though.

Same thing happened to me in school, a load of guys in my social group turned out to be gay We drifted apart in school though. It's not really that weird when you think about, you tend to drift subconciously towards people who are like you.

Beruthiel

Michael_19 wrote:

I grew up with guys that would knife someone for a look or over abit of skirt. Not really people who ever need to find out. And she does worry, she’s a worrier, she always things of the worst possible case.

oops
maybe I've been living in Dublin too long to see this kind of behaviour anymore. Will you be going to college this year? maybe it's just time to move out?

As for the violence, that’s a guess, if this was 20 years ago, then that would definitely be how my father would deal with it.

you know, even at 65 people can change - I know my own parents attitude to certain things have changed radically over time because they really had no choice if they wanted to still continue seeing their 4 daughters, who all have done things they did not approve of. Perhaps the possibility is there for your parents to do the same, as someone else suggested, bringing home some of your gay friends would help to dip their toe in the water so to speak.

LegacyUser

I do Live in Dublin, but I also know that some of the people I went to school with a Drug dealers and enforcers and mindless thugs. I can handle myself, but my parents still have to live there. As for moving out, plans are and where underway to move out, just have to get the money together, most likely to be next summer before I can. Thing about gay friends, I'm not to sure they would appreciate being outed to my mother, I mean we all kinda know each others families to a certain degree.

Beruthiel

Michael_19 wrote:

Thing about gay friends, I'm not to sure they would appreciate being outed to my mother, I mean we all kinda know each others families to a certain degree.

so you are saying that she knows them for quite some time and gets on with them?
why not ask them first if they wish to be outed to her or not? if one or two are ok with it then you could tell her when they are not around, perhaps it will help her not to worry so much

moving out will help you and them a lot I think, living with your parents is never easy even at the best of times and I personally was gone by 19. Parents tend to see you as more of an adult once they see you can actually survive on your own, make it your goal to save as much as you can so you can move. I have found the less your parents see of you the more delighted they are to see you when you arrive on the doorstep! I think this will greatly improve your relationship with them

LegacyUser

So I told all my friends, they seemed ok with it, except on guy. Said he was afraid,excited,hurt,worried,happy. Went on and on about how huge a thing it was and how it will effect the rest of my life, and how I can never have a wife and kids, cause having a gay'bi dad would **** there heads up and distroy there life, and he kept listing all the bad things that will (as he put it happen) KEpt asking questions like do i plan to do this for the rest of my life, do i plan to stay with this one guy forever, do I plan to have a high profile job, am I aware that people will look at me differently. Am I ready to be hated. Real head ****ing I recieved. So upset I felt like killing something.

LegacyUser

So I told all my friends, they seemed ok with it, except on guy. Said he was afraid,excited,hurt,worried,happy. Went on and on about how huge a thing it was and how it will effect the rest of my life, and how I can never have a wife and kids, cause having a gay'bi dad would **** there heads up and distroy there life, and he kept listing all the bad things that will (as he put it happen) KEpt asking questions like do i plan to do this for the rest of my life, do i plan to stay with this one guy forever, do I plan to have a high profile job, am I aware that people will look at me differently. Am I ready to be hated. Real head ****ing I recieved. So upset I felt like killing something.

So just met up with the boyfriend, and spent the night just holding him and looking into his eyes and him into mine, untill i clamed down. Then I just knew, what ever happens this is right, and no one can tell me it's wrong.

PS the friend with the problem, is actually Gay, and has been from along time.

Beruthiel

Michael_19 wrote:

how I can never have a wife and kids

lots of people don't have a wife and kids! and half of them that do are either fuked up or divorced or whatever - nothing is guaranteed in this life

like do i plan to do this for the rest of my life, do i plan to stay with this one guy forever, do I plan to have a high profile job, am I aware that people will look at me differently. Am I ready to be hated. Real head ****ing I recieved. So upset I felt like killing something.

listen, you're mate needs to calm down - any of us can think like that!
eg - a woman surrounded by men in a high profile job is no fun either let me tell you

Then I just knew, what ever happens this is right, and no one can tell me it's wrong

it's not
and anyone who tells you it is are ignorant muppets
good to see you are starting to straighten things out in your own head

moridin

Michael_19 wrote:

the friend with the problem, is actually Gay, and has been from along time.

Okay, he's gay, but a lot of what he said is his own opinion. Things aren't black and white, or clear cut, I say go with what feels right to you and good luck

LegacyUser

I was just so surprised, I think he was just trying to jusify his own personal life decisions. Like he already decided he's never having kids or a family cause he wouldn't want to hurt them. Personally I think its fear that someone he loves might hate him. He then predicted that I would leave my guy, and that he wouldn't be able to handle it. I just felt so pissed off about someone raising all these doubts and then just messing with my head. Like if i have kids I can't imagine my past sexual experiences being of an important or relavence to them, once i love there mother, but he was saying that like keeping a dirty little secret from your family. He said that I've lived a good live, never done anything wrong, worked hard and now I've throw that all away on a fling, without a care. As if I've killed someone or something. It just seemed so god damn arrogant and self rightous to think like that.