having an affair

mrhappy42

Speaking to mate in pub to other night and he mentioned some guy he knew in work was having an affair...so we starting talking about affairs...and particularly the point at which you commit...i.e that instant between 'no' and 'yes'...well we talked sh$te for a while 'cos neither of us had any experience in this field...any people out here that can shed light on this...

aidan_walsh

Not without understanding what you're talking about?

Presently, I don't...

Gordon

You mean what goes through a person's mind when they are married and they make the decision to have an affair? That precise moment when they decide to most likely break up their marriage for a bit of totty?

Probably, "Ah sure, why not".

Kazu

well if its offered on a plate

mrhappy42

We postulated that the most likely reason for a guy would be as Kazu said - it landed in your lap....i.e laziness...for a girl we had no idea...

Beruthiel

mrhappy42 wrote:

for a girl we had no idea...

for a girl
I imagine it would happen when her long time partner starts to take her for granted, if someone else was to comes along and pays her some attention, then, it could happen

whosurpaddy

Gordon wrote:

That precise Probably, "Ah sure, why not".

yea in ireland anyway, theres this ahh sure lets not think of the consequences mentality in this country, i think we get it from our politicians.

Gordon wrote:

That precise moment when they decide to most likely break up their marriage for a bit of totty?

that really sums up how pointless afairs are.

Sleepy

whosurpaddy wrote:

yea in ireland anyway, theres this ahh sure lets not think of the consequences mentality in this country, i think we get it from our politicians.

Sleepy's Quote of the Week™

whosurpaddy

wow. i havent prepared anything. i never thought id win. id like to thank the academy . . . . .

Dave

I'm sure it depends on the situation. If a man or woman aren't happy at home with their respective partners and are only staying together for the sake of the kids or something then it'd probably be a well thought out decision. Whereas if a guy goes out on the piss, gets plastered, and some really hot girl comes up to him he mightn't even think about it.

scargill

Dave wrote:

Whereas if a guy goes out on the piss, gets plastered, and some really hot girl comes up to him he mightn't even think about it.

surely that doesn't even qualify as an affair ?

if you don't get caught then it isn't an affair.

climaxer

Dave wrote:

I'm sure it depends on the situation. If a man or woman aren't happy at home with their respective partners and are only staying together for the sake of the kids or something then it'd probably be a well thought out decision. Whereas if a guy goes out on the piss, gets plastered, and some really hot girl comes up to him he mightn't even think about it.

Totally agree with you there that if a man or woman are unhappy at home and only together for the kids but you're second point about a guy getting pissed I'd consider a drunken one night stand and not an affair. Personally I think their is a big difference between both.

I've never had an affair or cheated and can't say I never would because I was never in a loveless relationship but I presume if I was I'd just end it and move on because I don't see the point in hurting the person you once loved.

My friend's sister had an affair years ago and she said it was because she was in a sexless marriage and her husband had turned into a lazy slob who never paid her any attention.

I think either way most affairs start because either the man or woman feel neglected be it sexually or emotionally or just crave the buzz and excitement of a new person which at the end of the day is very tempting even if you are happy so I guess if you're unhappy you'd have no reason to resist.

Anyway like the original poster I too have no realy experience and probably talking a load of sh&te too!

leeroybrown

I'm not speaking from experience but I would reckon that most affairs start because someone who is not getting what the need/want from their current relationship gives into the thrill/excitement/idea of being being with someone else.

whosurpaddy wrote:

yea in ireland anyway, theres this ahh sure lets not think of the consequences mentality in this country, i think we get it from our politicians.

Conversely, I think our politicians get it from us ...

bender

Beruthiel wrote:

for a girl
I imagine it would happen when her long time partner starts to take her for granted, if someone else was to comes along and pays her some attention, then, it could happen

you are spot on there.. and thats when things get complicated.

mrhappy42

I started a rant so I'll finish it....

So affairs are planned i.e over time get bored and then something comes along its a no brainer...interesting. If thats true the exception is what I find interesting...i.e all going well...then one night...click...affair goes on for a while...either marriage or affair ends. Look at all the French politicians...the people they have affairs with turn up at funeral etc. Are we still repressed here? Should society in Irelan explore LAT and Polygamy more...(LAT = Living Apart but Together...ie live with someone but be open to other experiences).

Dave

Eh?

skittishkitten

Sometimes it's pure and simple revenge . A swift kick in the ass so to speak.

Iago

i think the main difference between men and women on this issue is,

A guy will go out, get drunk, have sex with a stranger and not remember her name afterwards, with no reason at all except he's drunk.

A woman will have a regular meeting with your best friend, spend your money on nights out with him and enjoy every minute of getting one over on you because you haven't been treating her right, or paying attention to her or looking after yourself.

BTW That was a joke before I get attacked by the female populace of boards

I think that what it comes down to is men are weak, and a pretty girl can make them lose sight of what's important and as a result they will have a one night stand or an affair and justify it to themselves with the line "well if nobody knows then nobody gets hurt"

Women on the other hand embark on affairs because their emotional needs aren't being met, and this new guy is so attentive and complimentary and shows plenty of affection. Their justification is that they are being taken for granted at home, and surely they deserve a little attention in their lives.

In both cases you should end your relationship if you decide to go down this road, confusion isn't an excuse. You are either with a person or you're not. really all you're doing is blurring the lines and causing problems for all involved.

I know that's a simplified answer, and probably doesn't fit all circumstances, but I honestly believe that we all make concious decisions on this subject and therefore have no excuse for our transgressions..

ven0m

Kazu wrote:

well if its offered on a plate

In the immortal words of one of Boards.ie's most esteemed members;

'A HOLE IS A GOAL'

that is all....


::: ven0mous :::

cartman

people make mistakes from time to time, sometimes cheating can even be forgiven, it can just end up be a bad mistake, iv made mistakes never agian though and whoever can willingly have an affiar without caring should die alone,...

mrhappy42

Krispie thats a real post. no bull.

A lot of people confused by earlier post (was in work and in rush)...wanted to know if Irish society was different to other societies. For example the French seem to take this all a bit more in their stride...