Court transcripts. Very funny :D

Deadwing · 17-08-2004 4:52pm #1

Got this in an email from my sis.
(sorry i didnt remove the arrows but i couldnt be bothered)

> > > LAW COURT TRANSCRIPTS
> > > These are from a book called Disorder in the
> > > American Courts, and are things people actually said
> > > in court, word for
> > > word, taken down and now published by court reporters
> > > who had the torment
> > > of staying calm while these exchanges were actually
> > > taking place.
> > >
> > > Q: Are you sexually active?
> > > A: No, I just lie there.
> > > __________________________________
> > > Q: What is your date of birth?
> > > A: July 15th.
> > > Q: What year?
> > > A: Every year.
> > > ______________________________________
> > > Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> > > impact?
> > > A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> > > _____________________________________
> > > Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
> > > memory at all?
> > > A: Yes.
> > > Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> > > A: I forget.
> > > Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of
> > > something that you've forgotten?
> > > _____________________________________
> > > Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> > > A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
> > > which.
> > > Q: How long has he lived with you?
> > > A: Forty-five years.
> > > ____________________________________
> > > Q: What was the first thing your husband said to
> > > you when he woke up that morning?
> > > A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> > > Q: And why did that upset you?
> > > A: My name is Susan.
> > > ______________________________________
> > > Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
> > > involved in voodoo or the occult?
> > > A: We both do.
> > > Q: Voodoo?
> > > A: We do.
> > > Q: You do?
> > > A: Yes, voodoo.
> > > _______________________________________
> > > Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
> > > dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until
> > > the next morning?
> > > A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> > > ___________________________________
> > > Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old
> > > is he?
> > > _____________________________________
> > > Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> > > ______________________________________
> > > Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
> > > August 8th?
> > > A: Yes.
> > > Q: And what were you doing at that time?
> > > ______________________________________
> > > Q: She had three children, right?
> > > A: Yes.
> > > Q: How many were boys?
> > > A: None.
> > > Q: Were there any girls?
> > > ______________________________________
> > > Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> > > A: By death.
> > > Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> > > ______________________________________
> > > Q: Can you describe the individual?
> > > A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> > > Q: Was this a male, or a female?
> > > ______________________________________
> > > Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
> > > to a deposition notice which I sent to your
> > > attorney?
> > > A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> > > ______________________________________
> > > Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed
> > > on dead people?
> > > A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> > > ______________________________________
> > > Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
> > > school did you go to?
> > > A: Oral.
> > > ______________________________________
> > > Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
> > > body?
> > > A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> > > Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
> > > A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
> > > was doing an autopsy.
> > > ______________________________________
> > > Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> > > ______________________________________
> > > Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did
> > > you check for a pulse?
> > > A: No.
> > > Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > > A: No.
> > > Q: Did you check for breathing?
> > > A: No.
> > > Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was
> > > alive when you began the autopsy?
> > > A: No.
> > > Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> > > A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> > > Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
> > > nevertheless?
> > > A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
> > > alive and practicing law somewhere.