A plethora of Blonde Jokes

Hagar

Q: How do you tell if your gardener is a blonde?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the garden.

Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.

Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aids.

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the questions. On the day of the judging the people started off by asking, "What is 59+2?"
The first blonde contestant responded by saying, "57?"
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
Then they asked, "What is 15-5?"
The blonde responded, "20 right?"
Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1+2?"
"3?" said the blonde.
The rest of the blondes say, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"

Blonde goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."
"Is it the roll on ball kind?" inquired the clerk.
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."

A blonde and a brunette were talking one day.
The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up.
The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"

How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.

Blonde Definitions:
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coat hook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tab
Terminal Illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumor -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited

Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a ****."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and ****."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ass."
The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea-- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with **** all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"

Lawdie

Why doe blonds have TGIF on the inside of their shoes

TOES GO IN FIRST